If he aint calling and only texting that aint a good sign to me. But this has been that way from the start so I dunno. I think people who text are not really interested in having long conversations with you, they do it because the are bored and think if they say hey in a text that keeps the conversation to the bare minimum.

Why is he not using him minutes or spending a few dollars on you by calling you, if he was that interested the prize of gaining your love and affection should be enough for him to spend a few buck, by hearing your voice.

Just don't contact him, if he's truly interested he will contact you and if he doesn't it aint a great loss as you haven't invested to much time and energy with him.

Sleeping with him on the 1st date is a question you have to ask your self, if your comfortable with it who are we to judge?

Don't beat yourself up about it. Also DON'T contact him. If you never hear from him again, you know he was only in it for sex. If he REALLY wants to explore a relationship with you, even sleeping with him on the 1st date won't deter him. It may put him off a bit, (I know double-standard), but he wouldn't stop all contact with you.

No judgment here; I have been in the same boat. However, I have, myself, always felt bad about it later. I'm tired of awkward next mornings and wondering if you'll ever hear from the guy again.

For myself, I made a pact with myself that I will no longer be having sex outside of a relationship. It will mean less sex but it will also mean less worry and stress, and more potential to find the right guy for me.

Thanks, all! If you go into the "Dating" forum, you'll see the whole story of what happened. I so very much appreciate your time in writing me back with your thoughts.

Your friend,
Sue

I'll jump to the full story but wanted to say 'hey.. he also slept with you on the first date'.
I wouldn't worry.. he may feel a bit slutty himself.. I have worked with guys all my life and they do feel that way too.
I would have texted 'call me when free' and you have opened the door to that. Don't text back anything after that.
Then in conversation say 'hey things went a little fast.. didn't mean to get swept up but I the chemistry was just really good that night'.
Then open the door to having a more sensible date like dinner/movie etc.
Then try to stick to that for the next few dates.
I think it is so recoverable as I have seen other women then act like a permanent booty call thinking that will hook him given it went physical straight away.
Anyone agree??

A guy feeling slutty? lol...I don't ever think so! ;)

lil darlin,

I don't think so either!

He is textin at least but he would call to. Some guys play it cool for a while. That way they don't get scared right off the bat..

These days, I don't think that texting = less interested necessarily, but I also see calling as more of a sign of interest. I think for guys it's less of a rejection if you don't return a text than if you don't return a call so it is their way of playing it "cool."

I also think that a guy will sleep with you on the 1st, 2nd or 3rd date and then reject you b/c you slept with him too soon (forgetting that he did the same).

I just started dating someone, and I DID NOT sleep on the 1st date with the guy (we still haven't slept together and he's willing to wait!:)) but believe me, he'd have slept with me on the 5th date if I'd said that's what I wanted. Anyway, he only texted (rather than called) for like the first month and he was very interested. A few weeks into it, twice, when we'd text back and forth, I'd actually call him and just have a 1/2 hr conversation and once made a comment like "you're not much of a phone talker, huh?" and he said "no, I am...but I just prefer talk in person. Plus, b/c of your work schedule, you can't really talk during the day so I text."

Once I gave him a good luck card when he was going to be out of town for a business trip and he called to thank me about that and then called once more after that and then we spent some more time together and last night, he called and we talked on the phone for 2 hours just sharing stuff about our past! :) So, he kind of had to be eased into it...but the point is that he was/is a chronic texter but was still very interested. :) A lot of it is luck and some strategy. :)

Hi UsuallyGotIt2Gether
I am in the same boat. For the past 3 months a UPS driver had been stopping in and delivering packages about 6 times in that period. He would say nice little comments that told me he was interested. Finally I got the courage to give him my number. He called me after 5 mins and he asked me out. After that we texted back and forth the entire day. I met him for drinks and the chemistry was so intense. When we had sex he seamed to be very into me. He texted the next day and asked me to have a great day and he had fun... I waited for about two hours and texted back. Then I waited a day then I sent a text to him Have a great day... he returned it and said have a great weekend. (code for don't expect me to contact you this weekend) I know the ball is in his court but... I know I won't text him or call. I feel that maybe if I held out he would be interested. Now... we wait and see...

Hey is there a blog to decode what men are really saying... if not I think there should be one.

Tam,

Sure, all you have to do is believe the total opposite of what a man is saying, lol and you'll have your man decoder.

I was told, "see you around." LOL, I am at the whatever point when it comes to men, I know me, what I am about and believe me that is more important than any words a man can say to me.

"when he had sex with me, he seemed very in to me". hmmmm ;)

E...YOU GO GIRL!

Ya know, ya get to a place where you grow just so tired of all the B.S, like Janet Jackson sang, "what have you done for me lately?"

Not a gosh darn thang and I ain't interested!!

Said with attitude, I think, lol..

Yup!! Exact...ally!

It's funny days have past and now I get it...( Ding Ding )I guess at that point you could have hit be with a brick and I wouldn't have gotten it.

So I have to say it "when he had sex with me, he seemed very in to me". bam I got it lol.

;) I'm a little slow sometimes too. lol

I got fixed up with this guy...real hottie, 7 years younger than me. We agreed we were just "hanging"out too soon for serious.. I was just recently divorced, he just recently ended a long-term relationship. He texted and called me the first week we talked for HOURS on the phone every day (I never called him, he always did the calling and the initiated texting)... We went out. He ASKED if he could kiss me g'nite. 2nd time (next day) he wanted to come over and play scrabble.. He kissed me again g'nite.. Total chemistry.. Next time we talked, he said "our lips didn't fit".. what??? And that I was getting too serious (ah...wait... YOU were the one calling every day... YOU were the one texting me).. Anyway he has since sent text that he is "intrigued by me to say the least". #3d date, absolutely fabulous.. Played "truth/dare" game in bar, necked, little hand roaming.. He knows that I am totally into him, but he didn't manipulate anything further. We talked about waiting and he always follows up his sexual comments about sleeping together (when we are in person) with "no pressure, I'm just giving you a hard time" Sends flirty texts about shaving, making love, etc. we playfully retort back and forth texts and I said I was a lover not a fighter and he asked how come I fight with him on making love..He said for not being a fighter you sure drive a hard bargain.I said I am not a fighter, but a negotiator.

So... talk about being confused whether he just wants sex (which I ain't givin right now) or what...

Scervelli...hmmm...the fact that he makes a lot of sexual comments makes me afraid he might only be after sex. Most guys I've talked to say that they curb the sexual comments as much as possible around girls they want to be with because they're afraid of scaring them off.

Every guy that I've been involved with that made a lot of sexual comments turned out to be only about sex. Especially when it was sexual texting...one guy I know would spend hours sending sexy texts to several different girls because it was "a fun game" that he enjoyed playing. Mind you, none of the girls knew about each other. He started it with me but I wised up pretty quickly and never slept with him, thank God.

Also, don't you think it's a red flag that he told you that your "lips don't fit" and you're "too serious" about him, although he's the one calling you? Pay attention to the little weird things in the beginning. They almost always start to come back again and and again the more time you spend with someone.

My opinion is that you would be wise to be wary of this guy. I would back off and not return every text or phone call. See how he reacts.

I agree with Tiny on this one.

I think one of the WORST things we can do is apologize and give excuses. I know men hear "I don't normally do this kind of thing" all the time and they know it's BS. lol

If you do something, OWN it and don't make apologies or excuses or justifications. You wanted it, you did it, and you don't have shame for it. Having confidence in your actions and your decisions will speak far more than some "got caught up in the moment" spiel.

Wow I have got alot of infor on this one... I have had simalar happennings as I 2 see alot of us do...this is a real kicker.. here goes... I have been talking to 2 men one lets call CutieGm he is my age 50 oh my...50 wow.. anyway I don't feel 50 and serval men say I am sooooooo beatuful to them I that I like..who wouldn't like that ...I don't consider my just totally hot never have ..expect in HS lol...To the point,,,I had sex with CuieGm on second date OMG I felt I knew him total from 6 hour a day just talking about everything expext sex then..he has a child that lives with him is not married and in fact has invite me out to his house for now by our selfs After sevareval long hours on the phone before sex... then when he didn't call but still texted I begin to ...yes!!! Well I ask him to call me knowing his schule.. i wanted too resolve this for myself ...why he didn't call after making love.. he said because of work and his child was sick and and that all was understandable of course,, me thinking I feel enough with our 6 hour of converstions the time was right to make love WHAT is THE differnts in sex and making love??? I know my morals being so old fashion..lol I know maybe alittle too much, but CutieGm is super in every since the kinda of guy I could see myself being part his daughters life and mine longterm ...also it sooo cool.. cool.. refreshing... anyway...to the point I expressed my concerns on him not calling me after our 3 hours interlude... time due to our sitters.. at a hotel in my town because he wanted to make it easier on me he lives 20 min away form me sweet BUT IN A HOTEL wow that scarems of one thing I was thinking...lol never done that outside of marriage...it was great though he was so gentle and we watch tv some then bam and then again I really could tell he really was nerous nerous and me too.. thingswent well.. for us anyway...well it blow up on my part in and we didn't talk or text for 1 1/2 days then he called and we discused the sistuaton and now we are talking to one another like we used too and things seen alittle less confusing on the way on both our parts... we are good to go on him and I blowing up... What do I ... Now The second Guy MrA perfect in everything.. he is 59 alot extrax pounds very proffesional long talks 6 hour atthe time good comnication all the time, but phyically not happening for me ..he call me his honey 3 hours on the date and he wants to see me again and I just don't know ,, he wants to be toghter very much us to be forever in time OHHHHHHHHHH!! what can I do.. One Two men waneting me not a bad thing but two relationship woow what do.. I don't want to hurt anyone but at the sametime no hurt for me or my daughter of 13...HELP pleases By letter you can see that I know Soory for this being soooooo long Thanks for taking time 2 read this.....

Dido on the first post don't bad we all have moments...men are confusing wow.

lb45

You are not alone. I just went on my first date in three years and ended up sleeping with him and now I know I have ruined it. I wish I had purchased / read Paige's book before the date; of course, I bought it after with hopes that she would have the miracle answer on how to "fix" what I already did. He is again on Match.com so that tells me right there I am not that interesting to him to give another chance. He had been emailing and phoning me before the "dooming date" but now just sends text messages. Even though I don't really know this guy, I feel rejected but it is my own fault. I even paid for dinner that day! I just don't know that I can keep myself out there on match.com; I am because Paige advises it but I feel really stupid. I am 45 years old, single mom - I'm sorry but it's been a long time since I have been kissed and I got carried away with it. My only advice to anyone? Don't sleep with him - you will feel so terrible about yourself afterwards. It is truly not worth it.

Hey dk - don't beat yourself up over this. It may not have mattered whether you slept with him or not. Just chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on. Don't let that stop you from getting out there - just learn from it. Now that you got that out of your system maybe you won't want to jump so soon next time :).

Bluebunny, thank you so much for your note; it helps to know that "someone out there" cares how I feel. I am still really confused; this past weekend he asked me to meet him at the movie theater which I did (but I did not even take out my wallet). We watched the movie; he was feeding me popcorn and holding my hand. Then afterward he took me for a cup of coffee and then it just felt clear to me that he was ready for me to go home. He told me that he doesn't want to jump into a relationship with me because I live 45 minutes away; he said that if I lived 5 minutes away he'd be all over me. Personally, I feel that if you like someone, you would not be deterred from the drive. He texted me yesterday that he was going to his cousin's for a superbowl party but did not invite me. It seems to me that if he was truly interested in getting to know me, he would take the time, but he's not. Should I continue to allow him to text me? I feel very vulnerable and don't think I can keep up the "act" of not caring. Thanks again . . .

sometimes it is better to cut off all contact. Do what makes you feel better. If you feel worse and more confused after spending time with him, then don't see him. I have had situations like that before and I have to tell you, I felt much better once I cut them loose and I moved on. They were just toying with me. So how do you feel? Can you go out with him, have a good time and when its over feel good about and go on with your life until you see him again? If the answer is no - then cut it off. Tell him straight up that you don't feel like you both want the same thing and it would be better if you went your separate ways. I won't let a guy rule my emotions anymore. A guy your seeing should make you feel happy not stressed.

Bunny, you are so right! Thank you so much . . .

Hey girls I believe sleeping on the first date wouldn’t ruin things if he is "the one"
with My ex I took it slow and waited until he shows signs and meet me with his family and friends and when I was sure or when I was thinking I was sure he wants commitment I allowed him intimacy....it all ended in 5 weeks-so no guarantee even if you wait that it will turn into committed long term relationship. On the other hand my sister slept with a guy on the first date and after that they continued in a relationship for 7 years... If the guy wants to sleep with you and nothing else he is also gonna wait to have you in his bed and will leave again after that if his only intention was sex.. If he wants to stay he will stay no matter what....

I agree Mima -- I don't think sleeping with them will make or break the relationship. I personally don't do it not because I think it will make a difference if they stay or go - but because I don't want to get myself emotionally wrapped up until I know what kind of person they are.

DK64----That guy who said that he would not be in a relationship with you because you live 45 minutes away was lying. "If you lived 5 min away I'd be all over you." Bull****. 45 minutes is nothing if you're driving to the girl of your dreams.

What he was telling you is--"I'm lazy. I don't want to put any effort into this, but I still want to get laid. I'm selfish. I don't want to be in a relationship with you, or anyone for that matter, so I'm going to feed you this bull**** excuse and hope that you buy it."

I know a couple where they lived in different states (met online) but the guy went out of his way to drive to CA from AZ all the time to see her. That's more like 7 hours, not 45 minutes. They are now happily married.

Any guy who is truly invested in having a successful relationship with you WILL put forth the effort and figure out a way to make it work.

If he says things like "You live too far away" OR "Our work schedules don't match" OR "I'm SOOO busy with work" is lying. Those things may make seeing your more difficult, but if he were truly invested they would not deter him.

Forget Lazy Guy! Onto someone worthy...