I am so sad and my heart hurts

Hi,

I am sad for a few reasons and I think it helps just to write to others that may have similar stories. I have read dating without drama and it is a great book. However I feel like I am the opposite while dating someone. I have no drama, meaning I am not a fighter, I don't nag if I get my feelings hurt I talk about it rationally. I am independent, compassionate, caring, and an understanding person. I know I would be a great wife and mother. I am friends with all my ex's and most of them would take me back in a heartbeat if I had not already gotten over them. So why is it I can't get to the next level of a relationship (marriage)? I am 35 and would love to be a wife and a mother but it just never gets there. My mom blames it on me being too independent!

This last relationship I thought was great. I have taken lessons from all my past loves and have realized what is most important for me in a partner. I thought I had found him. I met this great guy and I knew from everything he did he was into me. Wow what a great feeling to know the person you were with was so into you. We have been dating for 6 months and although it was long distance(six hours away)we saw each other quite a bit weeks at a time and vacations and talked everyday. He emailed and text cute little notes and just to say hi. Recently I moved a lot closer for work still he is an (hour and 1/2)away but much closer to have a more normal distance relationship. As soon as I moved here he wanted to come visit. But about an hour after he arrived he said he was uncomfortable and left.????? We talked the next day about it and without writing everything that was said, I got from the conversation that he kinda just freaked out about taken our relationship to the next level. So I of course acted cool about and did not take offense and still let him do the pursuing. He kept calling over the next few weeks and we just talked like normal. Then we made plans to meet and last minute he canceled. I still acted cool but over the next couple of weeks the phone calls happened less and less although he still called. But when he did call we would talk for hours. Now the calls are hardly there and he only can talk a few minutes each time and he has not made plans to see me.

I think today I have just come to the realization that he is just not into me anymore. Although I know he likes me and I know at some point I will get a call from him. It has been six weeks since I have seen him(granted a lot of that he has been away on business). Why does he not want to see me anymore?

I am so sad and sick to my stomach because I am hurt but also confused of what happened. I also am sad because I am tired of this, I don't want to keep going through heartache after relationships. I don't want to go into the dating world anymore. I have friends and get out a lot but that does not completely heal my hurting heart. I want that happy ending of a family but I am getting old to have kids. I won't be with someone just to have kids. I want to have a companion I love and have things in common with. My head is spinning I can't get out of my head what happened with him and I miss him so much, especially our talks. I know I will be ok if it does not work out with him and I know over time I will get over it. But I don't want to keep going through the pain and I want to know what happened. How does someone go to completely into you to not into you.

Sorry this was long but I have more then one issue going on in my head. Any and all advice will help if you have any. Thank you