how long do I give this method to work before giving up and going to the sperm bank - I'm 39
Wed Nov 18 2009 - 08:12 pm
OK - but here's the problem. I'm 39. I don't have time for this waiting game bs. I understand that it won't work out if I do the pursuing. I want to have another baby within the next year or 2 max (i.e., with my own egg). How long do I waste on this bull**** before just admitting defeat and going to a sperm bank? I have no control over whether I find the people I meet attractive or whether they find me attractive. I met a guy Friday - he seemed great, he brought up having kids and says he wants to - I said I do too if I meet the right guy (I have a 3 year old so the subject kind of naturally comes up but I NEVER bring it up) - and no further contact since, meanwhile tons of losers are emailing me all the time. It's like - dude - can we get this show on the road? If you're interested, ask me out? Or can I safely assume that he's not now after 5 days? Or should I just go to the sperm bank and resign myself to doing baby #2 alone? I can't stand being at the whim of fate. I want my son to have a sibling before I'm too old. Paige doesn't do much to address the old biological clock - can't really play games with her, can we?
Wed Nov 18 2009 - 10:10 pm
Lulu-
You sound frustrated!!!
I guess the question is for you. Do you want a relationship, love, and partnership, or do you just want a dick? Sorry to be so blunt, but you don't sound as though you want a relationship. So if you just want sperm, I would suggest that yes, you go to a sperm bank and get some. Have another child, and do it yourself. If what you are REALLY looking for is a loving relationship and a partner to be there with you to raise children together, then you HAVE to be patient!!! Women have children at much older age than 39-40, and as long as you're not through menopause already, you have time....
It really comes down to... what do YOU really want? A partner? or a baby?
K.
Wed Nov 18 2009 - 10:36 pm
I don't wish to be unkind here, I feel your pain of wanting another baby. But at the same time, I can't help but feel you're way too attached to the outcome (of producung a baby) here. A man can sense this vibe a mile off. Put yourself in his shoes, would you want to be with a woman whose only interest in you was the quality of his sperm?
Sometimes when we give up our attachment to something, the very thing we were so wanting to happen, does come about.
Wed Nov 18 2009 - 10:40 pm
Very well said, Trace. A true Goddess!!!
Wed Nov 18 2009 - 10:44 pm
Thanks lovely lady...how are you anyway?
Thu Nov 19 2009 - 02:07 am
I am 29 and no longer desperate to find a man for a baby... And trust me, a few years ago, I was... And I DEFINITELY scared off a few men. One really decent guy seriously felt what Trace just described. I want children one day, don't get me wrong. But I also know that I want the RELATIONSHIP first.... And I also want to be emotionally stable as well...
So... think about what Trace and Kat said... If you just want a baby, go to a sperm bank... If not... wait :). It's frustrating, I know. I actually wasted 3 years on a guy I thought was decent and wanted to marry me and have babies, and really he didn't. He was just "going along with it." His words. After proposing to me and telling me we'd make beautiful babies.
Oh and 5 days? Meh, that's nothing. Sometimes... guys don't call for a couple weeks because they don't want to seem "eager." Which is so lame.
Thu Nov 19 2009 - 02:41 am
Well, if having a baby means that much to you, I would suggest a sperm bank assuming you have any good eggs left. I had a friend that did that and she also had fertility treatment. Being a mother was more important to her than having a relationship. A relationship takes time to develop. A guy isn't going to be ready to have a child with you (especially when you already have one) after a couple of months. However, the sperm bank can get you preggers in a couple of months.
Thu Nov 19 2009 - 04:54 am
I say, if you are prepared for the rigors of being pregnant on your own and raising two kids, go for it and head to the sperm bank! All the better if you can afford a nanny to help out, or if you have relatives nearby.
Thu Nov 19 2009 - 05:05 pm
I have never had a biological child, my daughter is adopted...even though I have never been pregnant, I have wanted to...there isn't anything wrong with me, just believe that God didn't allow me to have a child out of wedlock and be myself raising a child without a father!
You have one child which is a blessing...but to me you are being selfish in that you are only thinking about yourself and not your children. Children need 2 parents in their life. Now before everyone jump down my throat...I know that it doesn't always happen like that and that a woman is fully capable of giving enough love for a child...BUT that is not fair for a child, when you are out there just trying to find a man just to have a baby!
Have you thought about maybe, God intended you to have just one? Just a question...
Think about your children first and how they would feel with having just one parent! I grew up without a dad (b/c he was killed when I was 3) and its NOT GOOD!
Fri Nov 20 2009 - 06:36 am
To a certain extent, I agree with itspossible. There are plenty of women out there who are going through sheer hell because they haven't even been able to have one child. You should be thankful for the one you have already been blessed with and be focussing on him or her!
We women berate men for their 'urge' to want sex and for using women for sex. To me, wanting a man because you want a baby is just as bad. Just as we expect men to occasionally think with their brains instead of their d***s, we need to do the same. Bringing a new life into the world is much more than some biological urge. (And this is from someone who, believe me, hears her biologcial clock ticking every day).
If you really do want a baby so badly then maybe the sperm bank option is the way to go.
Fri Nov 20 2009 - 11:36 am
Thanks for your input, guys. I do want a relationship, too, but it is secondary. You see, once you are a mother, it is fairly all-consuming. If you are married, your husband will also come second. I was married - so I know, and we are divorced because he is a lout, not because my baby comes first. This is biology, folks. After the child is older, then the marriage becomes more of a focus again. I am not saying that the marriage should be completely neglected - it should be invested in, but it is not the central focus of your life for the first few years. I wish I could have saved my marriage and I really tried. He is involved in our son's life and I do think fathers are important. However, I also think that siblings are important. When I think of our family consisting of just me and my son, it makes me sad. I want to give him a sibling. I would love to be in a loving marriage to have the second child but I just worry that there isn't enough time..... Its a dilemma. Motherhood is a joy not to be missed. When you say "think about the child" I have to say that my son has a wonderfu life and I'm sure if he had to choose between existing at all and having his parents married, he'd rather be alive. I also know that he would rather have us together, too, and that is sad. But when people say, "think about the child" as if being a child of a single parent is so awful that the children would rather not have been born, I think that is a bit much. Barack Obama didn't have a father, and he seems to have turned out rather well.
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