How does everyone feel about their guy looking at Internet Prorn
Tue May 18 2010 - 07:12 pm
I am in a great relationship with a guy that I've been seeing for about 3 months. With one exception. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or if I should be upset. Our sex life is great. But, I have found recently (he stays here alot and normally comes to my house after work before I get home) that before I get home he has been on the internet looking at porn sites. They are typical porn sites, not chats or real women, but still it makes me feel like he is hiding it from me. I approached him about it and told him how it makes me feel. It makes me feel (1) like he's sneaking around because he does it before I get home and says nothing, (2) like he needs something extra.
He said he wouldn't do it anymore if it bothered me so much. But now I find that he did it yesterday and of course he didn't say anything to me.
What is a good way to handle this. I can't help that it bothers me. It does.
We had sex last night and he never did have an orgasm, now I'm thinking it was because he was online before I got home.
Not sure what to do, if anything, about this.
Tue May 18 2010 - 07:42 pm
Can't really tell you how to handle it because I think the issue is yours and not his. My guy and I watch porn all of the time. He watches it without me just as I watch it without him.
Tue May 18 2010 - 07:43 pm
Well see - I would watch it with him too and I wouldn't care if he watched it without me if I didn't feel like he was sneaking around to do it. I'm pretty open. But its the honesty factor.
Tue May 18 2010 - 07:46 pm
But that's not what you stated in your first post. In your initial post you said that you told him it bothers you that he does it when you're not around and that it makes you feel like he needs something extra. Therefore, from his perspective, you've told him that you don't like it at all which is simply going to cause him to keep it on the down low from you even more because he's going to think it upsets you.
I think it's pretty silly, frankly, to expect your partner to say to you, "Hey honey, I was choking the chicken earlier while watching some porn." That would be just weird, IMO. That's almost like expecting your partner to tell you how many times he went to the toilet that day. I can't imagine a partner of mine asking me if I had masturbated that day just out of the blue randomly like that!
Tue May 18 2010 - 10:51 pm
Bluebunny - I wouldn't like it either; especially at my house and on my computer. He should do that at his own place and I don't think he needs to tell you that he is doing that necessarily (that's his business). But I see where you are coming from.
I don't think that you are silly for expecting openness from your partner. I don't like it when people try to hide things (not matter what they are). If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then that's how you feel. You have to decide if it's something you can live with.
Tue May 18 2010 - 11:29 pm
Just by using the word "hide", you are already implying that it's something "bad" that he is doing.
Wed May 19 2010 - 06:11 am
First off, I agree with Curly, every relationship that I've been in has involved watching plenty of porn both as a couple and separate. I know my current bf has a pretty extensive porn collection on his laptop and if I'm home and it's after midnight the odds are that I'll have put on a porn channel.. To me, porn has always been about enhancing my relationship and my sexuality (and mostly just a good way to get off), and pretty much all guys I know agree on that (especially the just getting off part..). Now that doesn't mean you have to agree or feel the same, but it will be pretty hard to find a guy who would agree to a 'no porn' rule.
(and stick to it).
HOWEVER, you said that he couldn't cum when he was with you, probably because he'd been wacking off to porn. That's just unacceptable. Porn can never come before real sex and fantasies never before your gf/bf. Also, he's (probably, don't accuse him if you're not 100% certain) been lying to you about watching it. While I agree that your demand is unreasonable, agreeing to the demand and then lying about it is still completely unacceptable, especially if it then interferes with your real sex life.
You say you're pretty open. So just go have a good conversation with him about it . Let him know that watching porn and masturbating is fine, but that 1) you'd like to share it with him occasionally and watch porn together and 2) that he has no excuse for not cumming when he's with you if the only reason is because he already orgasmed that day. Wanking is fine, but if he can only cum once a day then it's his job as a bf to save that one for you.
Asking him to stop watching porn will only have him lie to you as he won't think he's doing anything wrong (and he isn't) but he won't want to hurt your feelings, instead find a good way to deal with porn in your relationship that you can both live with.
Wed May 19 2010 - 07:57 am
Curly - I didn't go into all the details in my OP - just enough to get an idea of what others thought about this situation. Yes, I did tell him that I was open to watching it with him and wanted to share it with him and that I didn't necessarily have a problem with him watching it but I had a problem with him jumping on when he got home before me and watching it before I got home and then getting off before I walked in the door. And yes, when he does it in the afternoon before I get home and then he can't have an orgasm when we are together, that makes me feel bad. Its in the middle of the afternoon and he has a timeframe of like 1 hour before I get home. I've got a garage and he's been coming here and working on a project in his car before I get home. So for him to get online and do it before I get home and then go out and work on his van like that's what he's been doing since he got home seems dishonest to me.
I'm not suggesting that I would demand that he stop looking or have to tell me everytime he does it. I'm not wanting to control him, I'm just wanting an open relationship where I don't feel like he's hiding things from me. I mean I watch it, or at least I did before we met and started having a sexual relationship. I don't feel the need now to watch it as I get what I need from us being together.
I guess I'll have to find a way to be ok with him watching it as I know it isn't going to stop. I was just wanting some other opinions to help bring it into perspective and see if I was being overly sensitive to it.
Wed May 19 2010 - 08:00 am
I personally do not have a problem with my partner occasionally looking at porn (as long as it's nothing really sick), and as long as it does not affect our sex life (which it doesn't). I see it as just fantasy - heck, there are occasions when I've been bored and floated off into some kind of fantasy involving Russell Crowe and the set of Gladiator...doesn't mean I love of fancy my man any less, or that I've any intention of cheating. It's just part of being human.
I can, however, see why you might be annoyed if he were looking at it at YOUR house on YOUR computer and it has affected his performance.
I would tell him gently that you have no objections to him looking at mild porn in the privacy of his own home, but would appreciate it if he would NOT use your computer - and NOT if it affects your sex life.
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