Congratulations. I hope he is a keeper. And well done on your decision to change past patterns that are not working for you.

I know it is hard but try to relax. You really don't know him at all. As you say, you are in the infatuation stage and it sounds like it's coming along nicely.

All you can really do is will your head to take control over your heart. It is so easy to overlook red flags when you are in this state of euphoria.

Take a long walk and look at all the stuff that doesn't remind you of HIM.

Write down what you want in a guy, in a relationship as well as some deal breakers. This is just a point of reference, not necessarily about HIM. It is not a shopping list but a guide to keep you on track if things start to go south and you don't know why.

Otherwise enjoy.

Adeleyna,

I know this might sound strange, but maybe it will help put things into perspective....

Read up on the stages of a relationship. Like you've said, you are in the infatuation/honeymoon stage. And you've got it bad! Http://people.howstuffworks.com/love6.htm explains it in more detail, and talks about the chemicals involved in this period of a relationship.

What you are feeling right now is completely normal! But...and this is a BIG but (no pun intended)...you are high on hormones and neurotransmitters right now! Just as if you had taken a recreational drug, you are not thinking clearly. You are under the influence....some of the girls on here say you have "sampsonitis." See Relationship Glossary under Keeping up w/ Friends section... LOL! Perhaps your body just produces more of these "drugs" or you are more sensitive to their effects.

Recognise this. Realize it is just part of the process. Enjoy the feelings. You have no control over your feelings, but you have a choice over your ACTIONS. Don't obsess over a chemical state that may or may not have anything to do with this man. Don't become too involved until you get to know him better.

Taking all the romance out of it and looking at it in a purely scientific way, it is never prudent to make important decisons when you are high on "drugs" even if they are self produced. Becoming involved with a certain man might be the most important decision you make in your lifetime. You need more data on him to make better choices than you have in the past. Give yourself time to let the chemicals subside and gather more data.

Gosh. What a killjoy! But you asked....

SZ

I love this stage don't you?

This may replace coffee as my favorite DRUG :)

But yes, you already realize that this is infatuation and not love. You haven't seen him pick his nose yet, or sing bad karaoke, or tell off-color jokes. At some point he will lose his Greek God status and you will see him as a human being.

But don't you lose your Goddess standing :)

Thanks so much for the responses. Yes, I'm very aware that what I'm feeling is a "drug" and, no, I find it "too intense" to really enjoy. Thankfully, the really bad effect only lasted yesterday. Today I'm doing much better. I spent the morning with him and we talked last night....

When we are together, the physical attraction is very much there. I know I want to wait to have sex, and go really far... but when we're together, things seem to get physical. Thankfully I was able to think fairly clearly and stop things when I was feeling scared. And he was awesome. In pain, but awesome. He definitely seems like a keeper (other than not wanting to remarry any time soon....) But despite not wanting to remarry very soon, he does want more kids (he has 2, though the oldest is his stepdaughter) eventually.

And today? We cuddled and told each other bad jokes... haha... So far, things are good. Just hope I can keep calm. THIS infatuation I don't mind... it was yesterday that was way too intense.

*sigh* No need to worry about infatuation. Now I'm angry....

The story:

Yesterday, during the day, we spent the morning/early afternoon together talking and telling each other jokes. As well as making out and stuff. Any way, I had asked him if he was busy this Sunday... He said only working out at the gym.

This Sunday is a very important "concert" for me. My girl friend has agreed to go with me, but she is having some health issues, and as expected, she doesn't think she'll make it. I asked this great guy, and he says he's "busy that day." Well, obviously SOMETHING is up and he won't explain. Men.

oops...asking him out was probably premature.

In this very early stage of the relationship it is sooo very important to let him do the asking, chasing, pursuing...etc. Despite some men saying that women should do some of the asking it rarely works out.

You both sound young and it is a matter of maturity how this is handled. You don't say what kind of concert it is. He probably wasn't into it and said he was busy to spare your feelings.

This is fair. Unless it is for a Metalica concert, guys don't always dig the same things we do. Most would rather set their shorts on fire than go to something "artsy"

Don't be too hard on him.

Actually it's more of a comedy thing and I know he likes to laugh....

He finally explained... said he's hanging out with his brother. Dunno why there was the mixed responses. Doesn't make any sense to me. But at least he's close to his brother...

Now my only other option is to go with my brother, and we're not exactly close... So it won't be as fun as I'd like it to be.

oh well, it's better than not going at all

Adeleyna,

Go to your concert (if there is nobody else you want to take) da dum...by yourself. Take your spare ticket with you. I'd like to tell you about a smile story I experienced one very grey rainy day last spring.

My bf and I had tickets to a contemporary dance show given to him by his mother. (..he's not really into that, think he'd rather burn his boxers! Love that one Theta.) My bf ended up having to go to a niece's graduation in another city. I invited my mother but she had to cancel, then another friend who had promised cancelled at the last minute! I almost didn't go, but I said, "What the heck. I've got the tickets and no kids so I'll take myself!" I DO like contemporary dance, and was looking forward to it.

I went fully expecting to sell the ticket to someone at the door, but I saw an older man (75ish) in line and asked him if he would like my spare ticket. He sat next to me and as we talked I found out that he knew much more than I did about contemporary dance. His narration during the show was amazingly informative. His wife (who'd died a few years ago) was a dancer in the late 50s. He had amazing stories to tell about their lives together. It was so sweet. You could tell he was still really in love with her....

It even turns out he knew my bf's mother and father more than 45 years ago and had some great stories about them in their younger days too!

After the show he told me he was a member of the art center. Would I like to go up to the wine and cheese social? I got to meet some of the dance troupe members!!! I introduced him to my bf's mother whom he hadn't seen in many, many years. It was a unexpectedly wonderful afternoon. And I almost sat at home moping.

He thanked me so much for the ticket and the conversation, but it was truly he who had given the gift.

Adeleyna, GO! Take your extra ticket with you. Don't worry about this new guy. Find someone you would never, ever go out with and have an interesting conversation.

SZ

I guess that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world... And maybe I'll talk to other people there.... but I am going with my brother... It would be kinda rude to say "I've decided to go by myself." And besides, a couple years ago he had a ticket to a magic show (who's that guy who used to be on TV in the 80s? We used to watch him) and asked me because he had no one else to go with, and I figured one day I'd get him back... I mean, it won't be that bad. I love this writer/director/comedian. I'm a HUGE fan... so there's no way I'll have a bad time.

There was actually a contest involving him and I didn't get a chance to sign up for it :crying face:.

Adeleyna, i know who it is and Dang, can't recall his name...oooh I almost had it. It's one name. Now this is going to bug me all night long! Something like Gulliver, is that it?? Let me know please. have fun too!! Wait...it's Gallagher!!!!

SZ I LOVE that story! It just shows you what can happen if you just allow yourself to move a little bit out of your comfort zone! What a great memory! I hope you kept in touch with the gentleman.

Ditto. Thank you for sharing that SZ