Trace
this sound's like a married man to me but give me more info on him and does he talk to u long on phone? or is he quick to hang up all of a sudden.has he let u call him or tell u where he work's? what he does?
Lynn xoxo

That's a bit of a worry! I haven't phoned him, although I suppose I could as he's given me all his phone numbers (work, home and mobile). Apart from the first longish phone call, recent morning calls have been less than five minutes.

Last night's call was slightly longer -but only just and I noticed it had a restricted number caller ID on it (whereas the other times I could see he was calling from home or work).

I asked about his living situation. He told me eight years ago he moved into an upmarket apartment in the city and walks to walk five minutes away. I know the area, it's a very upmarket area frequented by city executives. He owns the apartment. He's told me what he does for a job but when I asked if he has a web address, he said no, he hasn't bothered. I have his personal e mail address.

He's not listed in the phone book (I checked) mind you, many people have a private listing.

How do you suggest I go about checking him out (to see if he's married) given I'm several hours away?

Trace
i would NOT check him out I would though make little note's of time's he call's and how long we talk. If he is playing game's he will as we say hang himself, he will let something slip and u will see red flag's when something is not quite right. Be your self and don't sit waiting on him to call you or text get your mind busy and don't answer him right away let him think, where is She IS SHE OUT.
I have learned that men don't act to word's they act to distance so be unavable to him some see what happens
Lynn xoxo

Thanks for that Lynn. This is all a bit new to me (the possible married man scenario! Eek!) What about the not sharing bit? Would you suggest talking with him about this? I was thinking of saying when he next phones (as I know he will) "I'm really wanting to get to know you more, as I did feel a real connection with you when we first met. However I can't help but notice you haven't shared a lot about yourself. What would make you feel comfortable sharing with me a bit more so I can really get to know you better?" (I've asked him general things like what his goals are in the hope of getting him to open up a bit more). His excuse for not doing so was he's had a frantic week last week-and so hasn't had a chance to e mail me. I suppose that could be the truth!

that's a good idea
also How old is he do u know

59, nine years older than I.

well i also had a man who was 20 yrs older then me and love him with all my heart but he is a man who runs to a cave when he can't seem to get it togeather
i am 34 and he 55 but age was a number for me till he started chating on line with other women i went into NO CONTACT and he has been trying to get me to talk but i wont bend

I suggest if he don't open up to you about him self to go NO CONTACT till he does

Good for you! Is he someone you met long distance?

He has my phone numbers, so it'll be a bit difficult not to answer the call if he has caller ID restrict on it.

he live near me
i was with him 2 1/2 yrs I was so sure he loved me but now think he was a man who just want alot of women in his life so i said NEXT and im not siting around waiting on him

I wonder if he is blocking the number he is calling u from
and then when he can he use's another phone

Yes, you have that right about the blocking! The first time he did that was last night. All the other times he's called from work or home as the number came up. You still think he could be married?

With comment on your own situation, that was a hard call, but I salute your courage! I have so been there myself, but it does get easier over time.

Trace
you can check thing if u know names Google but need to be sure u want to know before u do this hahaha I know It's snooping and its a NO NO but if u have his full name go look at phone numbers exc on google

G/f if u want to chat i have yahoo messenger
and would be happy to talk

Hey, thanks for the advice, and yes, I'll check in with you sometime. I'm off now for some long overdue exercise! (Groan!)

Trace, I on the other hand would check him out. Here in the US you can have a background check done at city hall for free in most cases, not sure how that works where you are (New Zealnd is it). He never has to know and this way you won't have to wonder.

Thanks for the suggestion but I've decided to can it with this guy. I am not feeling right about it. Things are not stacking up and at the end of the day, if I have to check up on a man (especially this early on), then that tells me it's not right...

Sounds like you nipped it in the bud, your gut knows!

Oh well done Trace. I cant say how brave you are to end it. I am getting an "icky" feeling about my guy too ....I just dont know that I will have the guts to do what you are doing though I know I should.

Good for you, Trace! The cool thing is that we don't really need the background checks or private detectives :), if your gut feeling says something is wrong, trust it, that is your most reliable compass.

yes! the gut!! you are so right...many times i should have listened and didn't...made excuses for poor behavior. no more! great advice as always. :)