He's everything I want and yet... I feel nothing. What gives?
Mon Mar 01 2010 - 11:54 am
Ok, so we met about two months ago, and at first I was head over heels! But after a while the feelings kind of faded, and the more we talked, it seemed like we had less and less in common. Here's the problem... He's sweet, calls when he says he will, does whatever I need him to, and has made changes to things that bothered me. However, I find myself shying away from the idea of committing to him, even though he treats me better than any other guy I've dated. Naturally, I think it's me and some fear I have, but I've also committed myself to not wasting time and dating just to have someone there, and I just don't feel right about being with him. I've thought about this a lot, but I'm still confused... What should I do?
Wed Mar 10 2010 - 01:58 pm
Hi Mere...one thing stuck out at me:
even though he treats me better than any other guy I've dated.
That could be crux of the issue with you feeling uncomfortable with him.
You are so used to guys treating you worse that you think something is weird with this guy because he is treating you really well. It's one of those changes that we find hard to trust.
You also say though that the more you two talked you found you had less and less things in common...that may be why you're not feeling much for him. Now to me, that is a reason to gently move away from him and find someone who you have a lot in common with.
The only "fear" I think you may have is that a guy can actually be into you and treat you right. But that is easily solved by just giving it time and letting him show you that he can be trusted.
As for not feeling right being with him, it could go back to you not feeling you have much in common.
Hope that helps.
Wed Mar 10 2010 - 03:20 pm
Mere...I would have to agree with Misty...maybe its the fear that he seems "too good to be true" thing going on since the other guys didn't treat you as well.
Now if you all "truly" don't have a lot in common, are those things deal breakers or can you each learn from each other and like the things he or you are in to? And are these things high on your list that he must have in common with you or is it he doesn't like seafood and you would die for some shrimp and salmon?
If the "things in common" are small and or can be taken lightly...I would say give it some more time and also talk to him about the things that you like to do and he don't, etc...and see how that pans out!
Sun Mar 14 2010 - 01:23 pm
Mere231,
How is the "chemistry" between the two of you? I mean when you first saw him was there a spark where you said to yourself, "Yummy!"
If the spark isn't there initially, I just don't know. Maybe that is what it is that doesn't feel right, no matter how well he treats you. If the guy was, "yummy" to you, AND treated you right I don't think you would be having a problem committing to him.
K.
Mon Mar 15 2010 - 01:49 pm
He Mere231
It could be one of several things
a) The once-bitten-twice-shy thing (as Misty suggested, maybe after dating a whole bunch of duds you're finding it hard to trust and really believe he's a decent guy.
b) You're just having a minor pre-attachment freakout. In DWD Paige talks about guys going through this but I think sometimes we women can do as well.
c) You just don't like/fancy him as much as you thought you did.
If it turns out that case c) applies, I am wondering whether you are putting pressure on yourself to like him because you feel that you *should* like him? I mean, if for example you feel as if you've dated a string of losers and then finally a decent guy comes along, maybe you're feeling almost guilty for not feeling more for him than you do?
I'd say do nothing drastic for the time being. Continue dating him on a casual-ish basis, keep an open mind and before long your heart will tell you what to do. If it's just a temporary freakout, or simply fear, you will get over this. If, however, the question of 'Do I really like him?' keeps popping up, then you'll know it's your subconscious/your instincts trying to tell you something.
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
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