helping men
Sun Feb 28 2010 - 11:06 pm
quick question about helping men
I have an amazing boyfriend, so I'm not worried about screwing anything up if i do offer advice, but I did read once that it is not always good to do so.
my dad's a truck driver. i've had two bf (both fairly long) and iwth both guys my dad said if they want to become a truck driver, dad can give them a start in the business (it's really good money and neither guys were making lots, yet working hard) and maybe a chance at their own company. both declined the offer though. new boyfriend and i are doing great, yet dad hasn't offered yet due to mom warning him not to start talking about truck the first meeting (LOL). yet now this one is actually interested. and he asked me when my dad would ask him hahaha.
so i told him, just get your class one (driver's license for semi-truck, don't know if its the same thing in US, i live in Canada) and walk up to my dad, he'll definetly get you a job. but getting his truck licence costs around 6-8 thousand dollars and he basicly has 0 dollars left once he's paid all his bills. so mom said, just get a student loan and once he has a job, he'll have it paid of within a few months.
now should i suggest this to him? he's not entirely sure if he wants to become a truck driver and he wants to stay with his current job because in a bit he'll be able to get his teeth checked for free. and he might become manager (would still be a crappy wage though).
should i maybe wait, untill he brings it up again? or wait untill he talks about it with my dad?
Sun Feb 28 2010 - 11:11 pm
oh yeah, mom warned dad not to talk about it at all, (dad put quite a bit of pressure on my ex who i was in a long distance relationship with and continuously messed with my head, saying he was gonna move, but didn't want to cause he wouldn't find a job, i had never asked him to move here, or ever brought it up, but my ex kept saying he would,BUT...this or that). i had teased my bf before he met the parents, that my dad would ask hahaha. and then my bf was actually interested
Sun Feb 28 2010 - 11:24 pm
oh yeah, and one more question. why is it not a good idea to say 'i love you' first? just out of curiousity.
Mon Mar 01 2010 - 03:56 pm
Horsey - sorry for the late reply.
Bring up the truck thing. Why not if he is interested. Just toss it out there casually and if he bites great. If not, don't push it. He may get more upset if you don't talk about it if he is interested.
On the 2nd question I will paraphrase a newsletter I got from Mimi Tanner on that subject.
Men get seriously freaked out on the subject of love. Fear of independence and commitment issues weigh very heavily on them. They really need to feel like progressing the relationship is their decision. If they have been having too much fun or just living in the moment with you saying "I love you" first is a huge wake up call for them and is like throwing ice water on them EVEN IF THEY ARE FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU
Best to leave the I love you's to him to say first.
Mon Mar 01 2010 - 04:39 pm
No,
I have to say that the only time a woman (or her family) should get involved with how a man earns his living is if they have marriage plans and having enough money to support a family is an issue.
Mon Mar 01 2010 - 04:54 pm
I'm with Xhristopherus on this one. I would think it would be seriously emasculating for a man to have his gf or her family get involved in his career plans, that and it's none of their business. They are allowed to have an interest if marriage plans are in the works, but otherwise they should butt out.
Conversely, I certainly wouldn't want any man's family I was dating to but into my career.
If your bf does want to become involved in trucking, that's his prerogative and it's up to him to pursue it. At that point he can ask for advice from your dad.
As far as the "I love you" thing goes, many women say it too early or want to hear it too early in the relationship. I think they think those words imbue a certain amount of security. As we all know, men tend to be much more circumspect about relationships, and it's usually a better thing to let them think utterance of those words is soley "their idea"
Mon Mar 01 2010 - 05:06 pm
Who cares who says it first? Talk is cheap. Love is a verb. It's something we DO,........... not something that overcomes us.
Let me give you the man's perspective on it. not intellectually, but on a basic instinct level. We figure that as long as we are loving someone, (DOING, listening, doing those little favors,making time for her, calling, buying the roses, getting the tickets to that show we found out she wanted to see ) then saying it is superfluous*.
*Because you can say it and not mean it, and you can mean it and not say it, so who the hell would do it of they didn't mean it?
Mon Mar 01 2010 - 05:24 pm
Point well taken Chris,
But let me ask, how would you react to hearing a woman saying it first if you were still very early on in the relationship?
Mon Mar 01 2010 - 06:28 pm
If she says it after the first cup of coffee, I would lose her number, if she is saying it after 5 or six weeks I would just take it in stride.
Mon Mar 01 2010 - 06:30 pm
I love you Xhris
JUST KIDDING!!!
Mon Mar 01 2010 - 06:41 pm
No Coffee for YOU! (Best Soup Nazi Voice)
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
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