Help with first dates.
Mon Nov 09 2009 - 06:14 pm
Hi guys. I am new to the forum and have been reading a lot of posts and thought I could really use some good advice. :)
I met a nice guy online at the beginning of summer and we emailed, chatted on messenger and talked on the phone for awhile. We set up a time and place to meet, but a week before we were to meet, I got scared and told him I did not think it was a good idea. He is 42 I am 49, he has a 4 year old daughter all mine are grown, he lives an hour away, worked 3rd shift and played in a band on the weekends. Now how was I to ever see him?? About 2 weeks ago, I found him on the dating site again and we talked. We decided to try it again and we met this past Friday night. It actually went really good and we both seemed to like each other. He was a real gentleman...only held my hand and did kiss me 2 nice goodbye kisses. Before I even left town to go home,(we met half way in another close by town) he texted me telling me I was even better in person. He has been sending me texts each day and asked for my email to keep in touch. He said he really liked me and wants to go out again. Well...I guess what is bugging me is, I have been to this point before and then it fizzles out. Another guy has asked me out for this next weekend. Is it a bad thing to go out with him? I feel I should go, just to keep my options open and also because I am kind of nervous the first guy will just drop me, like we all know can happen. I think by going it will help me not be so concerned with the first guy :( After every reply back to his text I wonder if I said the wrong thing. How crazy and insecure is that??? Anyone have any insite as to how to get past this insecurity as I really hate it!!!!!! And do I just go out and have fun with other guys and see which ones really want to be with me by their actions?? Any and all advise is appreciated.
Tue Nov 10 2009 - 03:08 pm
Ebye,
Def go out with the other guy too....no question! You had one nice date with this other one...nothing more, nothing less....you go girl! and DO NOT question that at all!!
In regards to questioning your responses to this other one via text. Go with your gut in your response, just like you would in person. Do not second guess your intentions or his. Look at him as you just met a new friend, nothing more and nothing less...Have fun and be yourself!! Relax and have fun.....
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 04:20 am
You should 100% go on the date with the other guy.
I know a few people who feel like if they are casually dating more than one person at a time, it's like cheating. Perhaps this is you.
If it is you, it might be in your best interest to change that mindset. Change each date from "Oh, I may be going out with my potential boyfriend or husband" to "I'm meeting a new friend." Because that's all you are. New friends.
Take the pressure off yourself that this guy is your potential mate and if you went out with someone else the next night, you are cheating on him. It's absolutely not true and puts you at a disadvantage of cutting off your own options.
If you had plans with a girlfriend of yours to go shopping on Friday, and then saw another girlfriend on Saturday to see a movie, would you consider yourself betraying the girl you went shopping with on Friday? Of course not. It's the same thing with dating.
You aren't sleeping with these guys in early periods of dating (I'm assuming) so all you are is friends. Go out and flirt and have fun!
You said something kind of worrysome here--"I feel I should go, just to keep my options open and also because I am kind of nervous the first guy will just drop me, like we all know can happen. I think by going it will help me not be so concerned with the first guy :( After every reply back to his text I wonder if I said the wrong thing. How crazy and insecure is that???"
You sound as if you are in guy-pleasing mode here. News flash: both of these guys you are going out with are probably either seeing or open to seeing other women right now. If Guy 1 dropped you because you are also seeing Guy 2, forget about him. Guy 1 probably has Girl 2 hidden in the background that he doesn't want you to know about, but he wants you to close off your options to other guys. Forget it!
I don't see anything wrong with guys knowing that your options are open. Not that you need to wear a banner that says it, but if a guy in the early stages of dating asks you if you are dating anyone else, you can say something coy like "I have several prospects right now" and leave it at that. It will make him fight for you more if he knows he has competition. However, if he knows you've cleared your calendar for him and only him, I guarantee it will turn him off. Let him see how desirable and in demand you are! That will help bring out the "chase" in him that everybody talks about. Too much reassurance will kill it.
Plus it's none of his business who else you're seeing when you first start dating. You don't have to explain anything to him, or give him a rundown of your calendar. Who else you see on other nights when you're not seeing him is your own business.
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 08:27 pm
Thanks to both you you! I really appreciate the insight. Helps to reassure me I am doing the right things. lol You are right tinydancer...I guess I am in "guy pleasing" mode and that needs to stop....that has been one of my problems....guess it is time to change that. :)
Thanks again.
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