Help Please...

What are your thoughts:

I was dating a man for 2.5 months, (it was totally DWD, he was the one pursuing me, asking me out, phoning, etc.), we had talked about us dating each other exclusively at around the one month mark - he still had his profile up on the dating site we met on and I didn't say anything about it at that time. (In the future when a man discusses exclusivity with me I will ask him for his specific definition and how the dating profiles [if we met online] play into that.)

At the 2.5 month mark he moved it up to the "boyfriend girlfriend" level and we talked about that. He said since we were spending so much time together (going out twice a week and he would call me every night we weren't on a date) that it made sense we were bf & gf.

Ok that sounded great to me! And he was the one who initiated that conversation (at dinner), so great!

He still had his profile up on the dating site, I had hidden mine.

4 days after that dinner date when he brought up us being "bf & gf" I asked him, on the phone, why he still had his online dating profile up.

I prefaced the convo by stating that I wasn't feeling good about something and I wanted his help to clarify things.

I DO acknowledge that I made some mistakes in that convo:
The timing was bad (late at night).
It would have been better to speak in person.
I was feeling insecure and I wanted to resolve that Right Then.
I did not state my intention in the beginning of the convo, the fact that I was not looking for him to change or be different (true), I only wanted to clarify the reality of things. (all true)

So...even though I was completely calm and just speaking and asking him questions like, "what are your thoughts", my intuition tells me that he felt backed into a corner by my questions and he also assumed that I wanted him to change what he was doing.

The truth is that yes, I would have liked him to take down his profile however I did not expect he would do that - I was fully prepared to let him know that it was fine with me that he chose to keep his options open and that I would do the same. I'd have been interested in continuing to date him *on a casual basis* while I kept my options open and stayed focused on what I want: a man who chooses me and a man who I am enough for.

I did really like him, I really liked getting to know him, however I am not willing to invest more than he is and since it's his priority to keep his options open, then great! Now... he *had* told me before that he wasn't emailing other women or dating anyone, and I believe that was true. However, by keeping your profile out there you are saying, "I'm available". That action does not match the words "I'm your bf & you're my gf".

All I wanted was to get to the reality of things and NOT call each other bf & gf and then he was free to do whatever the heck he wanted and so was I then - and if he wanted to take me out on dates I sincerely would have been happy to do that. I just wouldn't have been exclusively dating him, and I would not have ever brought that topic up again.

I completely understand that not everyone moves at the same pace, however I won't shut down my options when a man isn't doing the same. Sure, I liked him, I liked him a lot, but I know what I want and I'm not going to wait around for some guy to "be sure" about me. And since I know that I can have what I want, and I Deserve to have what I want, I don't need any *specific* man to change - I can date several men casually all at the same time, because there is no physical involvement, which means I don't get tied up emotionally. It's all good. But, I never got to that part of the convo with him.

The Outcome:

When I asked him his thoughts about this... about - "how would you feel if I still had my profile up and it was the same as it was when you first contacted me? Me stating that I'm single and looking?" and, "if the only reason you are going on there is for xyz (his story) then would it be a big deal to state in your profile that you're dating someone, that you're not available?"....

The answer I got to my question "what do you think, what are your thoughts?" was that I would have to decide what I was going to do because he was not going to make any changes in his profile or hide it. That he would talk to me later and he was going to go get some more work done. "Goodbye."

That was a week ago last night. He said he would "talk to me later", but there has been no "later" (lol).

I've had zero contact from him since then and I have of course initiated no contact at all towards him.

Nothing.

It went from speaking every single night, dinner/dancing, twice a week, to nothing.

Yes, I made some mistakes and I know that I must learn from them. I understand I backed his ego into a corner. It wasn't good timing and I was thinking mainly about myself and my own insecurities, which prompted me wanting to talk right then, at that moment.

However if we had spoken in person I don't expect he would have chosen differently - we just would have gotten to the point where I would have shared with him that if he wanted to date me casually I'd keep my options open too - no problem. And really, I know he wasn't dating anyone else or emailing anyone else when he was seeing me, BUT he was stating that he was still available to the world at large by keeping his profile out there. That action doesn't match the words "you're my girlfriend and I'm your boyfriend". [ A boyfriend doesn't have a profile on a dating site. Duh. ;) ]

We never got to that though. And I think he decided I was jealous and controlling. Note that there was no emotional drama in this convo - it was just "ok, what do you think about this, how would you feel if I had my profile up....".... I made no requests or demands that he change, nothing of the sort. And he tried to turn my question about his profile and the discrepancy between that and calling me his gf into "where is this coming from - are you a jealous person? Will you be wanting to control my every move now?"

Nope, it wasn't about that - it was about the discrepancy between his words and his actions, and his actions showed that he really wasn't ready to be exclusive - and that's OK! I only wanted to get to the reality, plain and simple.

OK, since then there has been no contact.

My Question: Do I just stay put and go on with my life? (I put my profile back up on the dating site).

Is there any reason for me to contact him to say "hey, my timing was bad, just want you to know I had no negative intent towards you, I only wanted to communicate with you and get to the reality of things" (all true), or would that make it all worse?

In my head, I think that if a guy can just drop everything like a hot potatoe after telling me (in that same convo, when I asked how he would feel if I still had my profile up) that he was "confident in what he had together", and that things were going so great, then he must not have been that into me!!! lol

I mean, what else would there be to conclude?

And if it could all go kaput after just this one phone convo, how could it have EVER lasted long term?? If he's not even willing to just talk to me? How could you possibly have anything at all with a person who completely shuts down and shuts you out like that? In my book, if you don't have communication, you don't have ANYTHING.

Do I just go on now, assuming I am *totally and completely free and single now* since I've heard nothing at all from him and it's now on the 8th day since we last had contact?

And just leave him totally alone - do not attempt to say "hey, I meant no ill will" - just leave it, as it is?

Thanks. :)