Haunted
Fri Nov 06 2009 - 09:16 pm
Hi girls,
I've been receiving Paige's emails for a couple of years now and love the new website. I thought this would be a good place to kind of anonymously talk about something that won't leave me alone. Everyone is so supportive and helpful here!
I broke up with my boyfriend about 6 months ago. We had been going out for only 3 months and we seemed perfect for each other, we had so much fun together and had similar interests. I'd never met anyone like him before who seemed to be so into me. The relationship was quite intense, we couldn't get enough of each other. We had the odd fight and we'd both get upset and I would take the blame and that would be it. Looking back, it feels like he stripped me down to my core and I began to depend on him for my own happiness. Big mistake. I realise now he was a total narcissist and put his own interests first, and I followed and made them my priority too.
After a while, it was beginning to feel as if I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, which I now realise was probably right, he just didn't realise the damage he was doing. He didn't seem to want to spend as much time with me anymore and wouldn't return my calls and always seemed to be angry with me when I wasn't aware of doing anything wrong. And yet my feelings for him remained so strong.
I decided I needed to go back to living in the country with my family and save some money after living in the city working in jobs I hated and breaking even with rent and living expenses. I had other priorities like my university degree and saving money.
When we broke up, he seemed genuinely upset but after a week it was as if something inside him clicked and he forgot everything about our relationship, everything we'd been through together.
Ever since we broke up, I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. Every day, every hour, he is at the edge of my mind and I don't know why or what to do. I just want to forget him so so much. He's seeing someone else now who I'm sure took his interest when we were still together, and started seeing her soon after we ended it.
I've been with other guys as well but it hasn't change anything.
I know I'm not crazy and I'm not letting his presence in my mind ruin my life, I'm getting on with things. I know it takes time and I do keep myself busy but it's getting a bit ridiculous, and it makes me angry that he's still on my mind all the time, approving or disapproving or making a joke.
Please, if anyone has any advice or something I can do to block him out I would really appreciate it. I need to get rid of him.
Fri Nov 06 2009 - 10:08 pm
#2
No, haven't done that yet.. I don't look at them anyway. He and his friends, who are actually now good friends of mine too are still on facebook. I didn't get anything for Valentine's Day, just looking after his hangover!
Thanks for your advice horsecrazy, going straight to ugglyville now! and deleting/burning photos!
Sat Nov 07 2009 - 12:28 pm
#3
Also, make a list of all the negative characteristics he had, all the unpleasant and inconsiderate things he did. Put everything in the list, even the smallest things, don't worry about being mean, you won't share this with anyone. Then read this list to remember why you broke up with him in the first place. In a similar situation I also used some neuro-liguistic programming techniques. If you are interested in these, I can send you some information.
Wed Nov 11 2009 - 10:31 am
#4
Hi pinkpostit
I think taking the actions suggested by horsecrazy and wise can really help.
I think when we're in love or even infatuated with someone, we tend to see them slightly through rose-coloured glasses. As wise suggests, if you write a list of all his faults and stuff, it will gradually become aparent that actually, this Mr Wonderful wasn't quite so wonderful even now.
A couple of years back I was really, really hurt after a breakup (details are on another thread). I deleted his phone number and email address from my records, posted back his belongings, wrote a long letter expressing my thoughts (but never posted it), and kept saying to myself '[his name], I forgive you and let you go.' By pointing out to myself that he had faults, even after just a few months I was able to look back see that there were actually some MAJOR flaws in his character - and realise that really, despite the initial devastating hurt - I'd actually had a lucky escape x
Tue Nov 17 2009 - 05:15 pm
#5
im going to make lists...that is a good idea.
Sun Jan 10 2010 - 04:01 pm
#6
Hi Pinkpostit
Everyone has some really good comments on this thread. I've learned there is no magic formula for healing and getting rid of your feelings over a break-up, so while I'm experiencing what you are going through... I choose to look at the positive things the relationship has taught me and focus my energy on being the best woman I can be for the next great guy that comes along. Life is a journey, full of endless possibilites...including men. It's time to turn all that hurt, into something great, by reflecting on the lesson this experience has taught you, and changing the memory of him into something greater.
LYNN
Mon Jan 11 2010 - 11:05 am
#7
Very well said LSLynn
Mon Jan 11 2010 - 12:10 pm
#8
Thanks, I have wings.
LYNN
rip up the pictures? did you do that already? or make a big joke out of him in the ugglyville thread lol (the thread is on the second page, helps very well lol). uhm is he still on your facebook? if so, take him out. burn all his sweet cards, his valentine teddy bear ect. ect., get rid of anything you can think of that wouldn't have been there if he had never entered your life in the first place.
i hope that helps you move on completely.