Guys wanting to tie you up and be in a relationship right away.
Wed Nov 11 2009 - 10:47 pm
Hi you awesome ladies
I have a question. I'm back in the dating scene, just a date here and there. How do you keep the dating just at dating, not a relationship. I would like to get to know a guy better (at least a month or so, maybe 10 dates or so) before tying myself up to just one guy, but to assume there are no other guys, should I tell a guy that I am going on dates with other guys as well? sorta like 'hey, I might be on a date with you, but I'm also going on dates with other guys.' lol or do you ladies just assume they know you are on dates with other guys as well.
I like the idea of rotation dating. There is one guy that has told his friends all about me and we haven't even been on a first date yet (we met on internet and have been talking over the phone. he lives too far away (1.5 hours), but he's moving here in June, to go to school) I told him as long as he lived so far away, I did not want a relationship, but that I would like to get know him better, just as friends. He's pretty much decided we're exclusive already :s. He says he thinks about me all day long, and that we're perfect for eachother, and that all his friends are all curious about me, and so on. I've been on a few dates with another guy, and I don't have the heart to tell him. I will tell him I guess, but not sure how he's gonna take it, do I even have to tell? What do you ladies think?
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 08:14 am
#2
Horsecrazy,
Welcome off of NC first off. Yes I agree with tinydancer, be very careful of the guy that wants and instant relationship. These guys just want a relationship and have not really put a lot of thought into it. In other words they have a position open and they want to fill it asap and the first woman that comes along that they find interesting and attractive gets the job. They usually don't even know what the requirements are for the job. They want someone to occupy the passenger seat of thier truck and the empty chair at dinner etc....If you quit the job, they repeat the behavior with the next woman that gives them the attention.
As far as rotation dating, yes it can be done. I have 3 on the line at the moment. The trick here is to not spend too much time with one guy. You have to stay busy. I do not tell any of them I am dating others. One has a good idea I think. I imagine you are kind of in the same place I am. I am not ready for a relationship just yet and when I am I want to be pretty sure about the man first and that takes time, lots of it.
So what you do is set your rules. One of mine is the first one to call for the weekend date gets the date. 1 night on the weekend is friend nite, the other can be date night. I don't change plans for any of them. If one calls and I already have a date and I would rather go out with him, I still don't. If he is into me, he will ask sooner next time. This keeps them spaced out and keeps them at arms length. I may accept a weekday date as well, but I stay busy also with friends and activities. Not much time for any of them.
So in answer to your question, no you don't have to tell them, it's none of thier business until you become exclusive. They do this stuff all the time, why can't we?
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 08:46 am
#3
I agree with Tiny and Robin's advice, particularly with the bit about not getting too serious with one guy, and being wary of any guy who immediately wants a relationship before even getting to know you.
When I was dating I operated on a 'Them who asks no questions won't be told no lies' basis - i.e. I didn't feel the need to specifically tell a guy I was dating others, but if he brought the subject up I was honest. Anyways, initial dating can just mean meeting up for meals/coffee, going to movies or whatever, it does not necessarily mean intimacy or even kissing, so in that respect there is nothing to feel guilty about when multiple-dating.
Fri Nov 13 2009 - 06:27 am
#4
Honestly, do we really think men worry about telling us if they're dating other people. Dating is just that. Dating. It's not a committment in and of itself and there is no reason if you're lucky enough to have multiple options not to enjoy them until you feel in your heart that one individual is someone you want exclusively in your life (and they feel the same way). Enjoy your time of dating...it's a time to explore, to learn, and to just have fun.
Fri Nov 13 2009 - 08:38 am
#5
Hi crazy,
"There is one guy that has told his friends all about me and we haven't even been on a first date yet..."
I have a similar situation. He called last night AGAIN. I have repeatedly told this guy that I'M CRAZY BUSY.
He called to ask me if he and his guy friend were still invited over here during the Holidays. I told him NO....(me >> pause)...waited for his reaction/response...
He told me that he bought me a gift. I told him to take it back...
(me>> pause)....waiting...
I calmly said THE REASON is because the Floor Guy STILL has not finished the detailing. My home STILL is not done. I am not in a good mood about it. And you know what happened the last time i was not in a good mood!!! YOU PAID THE PRICE.
Do you think that it's in your best interest? No, he said.
Secondly, I have searched the house for YOUR LIGHTER and have not found it. It's not here, anywhere. So, take the money from the gift that you bought me and buy yourself another lighter.
I'm truly very busy now and I haven't even had dinner. I need to go.
-------
Crazy,
Some guys are so excited when they meet a woman like you.
They tell their friends just like we tell ours.
They push for too much, too soon, and just like us - there are some men that get all exclusive on us way too soon.
It appears that they possess that feminine side, doesn't it?
So, that places you in the man's role.
Act like a lady, think like a man....
He does not have to know anything about your other relationships.
There's no need to feel guilty.
When you go on a date with him you need to set the pace.
Because he as he!! isn't gonna do it right.
Act like a lady but you need to be firm.
If he asks if you are dating other men just say I HAVE FRIENDS, SURE.
That's my opinion, crazy:)))
Auds
xoxox
Wed Nov 18 2009 - 04:19 pm
#6
thank you all of you :). very good advice. yes, robin, I am at that stage. definetly not ready for a relationship, but I'm just looking around, seeing what's out there lol.
yes, I'm keeping them all at an arm's length right now. there are three guys, one is just as busy as me, he's sweet but doesn't seem like my type though lol! he's a city boy and short and taking a business degree. the other two are country boys and both are moving fast, one texts too much and both phone daily lol. so we'll see...
thank you :D
Guys who burn bright right away tend to burn out quickly. Also, it's kind of insane that he thinks you're in an exclusive relationship and you haven't even met. I would be wary!