Feb 11 Dating Dish, Qualities of "The One"
Thu Feb 11 2010 - 02:16 am
Dear Paige,
I respectfully disagree with the wording of this part of your checklist:
* You're his #1 priority, so you don't play second
to career, family or friends (you have to put your
partner first in a marriage to ensure you make the
best decisions for your family)
Here's my reasoning for it:
If his career/job isn't at least equal to you on his priority list, you are not likely to have a marriage or family to worry about. Who wants a man who doesn't care about or take pride in his job? And family and friends should be just as important...who wants a man who sticks to you like glue 24/7 and has no contact with his family or goes out with friends on a regular basis? Every relationship needs space to breath and grow...if the man's job, family and friends aren't an EQUAL priority to you, you will end up with a guy who is lazy, clingy, and possibly with emotional issues (if he isn't connecting with his family)...
Maybe you should instead say that you should be equal priority to his job and family...I can see friends coming in 2nd...
Sincerely,
Misty
Thu Feb 11 2010 - 02:15 pm
I understand where youre coming from HOWEVER i disagree.
Youre thinking of it as him wanting to be with you all the time and not caring to be around anyone else because of you and not being motivated at work because of you etc etc. But thats not what it means to be his #1 priority.
If you are more important to him than his career or family or friends then it doesnt mean that he forgets about all that and becomes a "lazy, clingy guy" it just means that if he had to choose he would choose you, which is how it should be if youre going to marry someone. Men will stay motivated at work because they need the job to take care of YOU and they will hang out with their friends to get you out of their hair for a night (:) JK kinda) and they will still spend time with and love their families, but the drama and the issues of them maybe not liking you as much as they could wont matter because you are more important than their opinions. Once you marry someone they should become your #1 priority because you are starting a new family with that person and are beginning a new life and they are your partner, and you partner has to come first to make sure that they are happy and if theyre happy, theyll make sure youre happy.
Thu Feb 11 2010 - 03:01 pm
but the drama and the issues of them maybe not liking you as much as they could wont matter because you are more important than their opinions.
99 percent of that drama is created by women who don't understand the meaning of the word patience...lol. If you have patience, there is no drama..
Once you marry someone they should become your #1 priority
KEY WORDS!
After the marriage...NOT before...Paige didn't clarify that part..it could technically be read either way...I know what she's TRYING to say, but she's not CLEAR about it and an author, especially one who wants to reach lots of women and make a living off them buying her books should learn to articulate the message better. That's what editors and proofers are for...
Thu Feb 11 2010 - 04:08 pm
Misty, I used to think that way too, till I started thinking more objectively.
I consider my father a very successful man in his career, and not only because he's my father, but also because I hear about him when I casually talk to someone in his field and they know I am his daughter. He works like crazy (sometimes he wakes up at 3:30AM as something is going on in his head!). But when my mother was taken very sick, or had a surgery, or upset when my grandmother passed away, he took it easy on his work to be with her. He's always there when she needs him (and so is she for him).
When I started dating my boyfriend seriously, I found him to be a total workaholic. But one day I was upset about something, and he had to work late to catch up with a deadline. He left that work and came home to be with me (he had to go back real early next morning ~5:00AM or so to get back to work!). Ever since then, he has done that at several occasions - cancelled meetings with friends as I was not keeping well, etc. Even on a regular day, he does not find much time to be with me (neither do I usually). But we used to meet after work in the little time we had before retiring to bed, just because it meant something to him. And we are not yet married (atlest not on the paper!).
Making you the #1 priority does not mean making you the ONLY priority. It means that your need comes first to him, above everything else. This does not make him needy or clingy in any way. Neither does it mean that you'll not have any disagreements. It just shows that he cares the world about you, and wants to be with you, and do anything to be with you.
Thu Feb 11 2010 - 04:38 pm
You are missing my point here...
The point is if you put something in a newsletter or book that is supposed to be a "professional product" you need to make sure you are CLEAR on your meaning.
I am NOT an idiot...I know what she's TRYING to say...thing is, she needs to be clearer...that is all.
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
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