EMOTIONAL VS PHYSICAL
Tue Aug 18 2009 - 11:19 am
Ive Put this Question under "UNDERSTANDING MEN"
Sun Aug 23 2009 - 04:09 am
What does it mean when a man responds to the question of if he wants to casually date or have a meaningful relationship with he doesn't want a casual relationship that he is trying to grow our relationship.
I have been dating this gentleman for nearly a year. We have had some bumps along the way but last month he says he has come to his senses. After that comment, I surfed the web and saw he was active on a dating site. I posed as another woman and he responded to an invitation to meet. When I confronted him with it, he stated he knew it was me and was playing along. I also went to his house and picked up items I have been leaving there. He had a dressor for my things.
I had known this man for 3 years before we began dating and becoming intimate. He constantly says he loves me, treats me with the utmost of respect, but will sometimes dissapear for a few days at a time. by not answering his phone, emails or text messages. He has a stressful job, is raising a 14 year old and is embarking on extreme renovations of his home. He has told me on more than one occaision that because of the activities in his life now he knows he isn't paying enough attention to me and it shames him he is not as not as reciprocating as he would like. But sometimes he just needs down time to work and on occaision to rest.
I know and am included in activities with his family that consists of his daughter and a sister. We all get along quite well.
After I arrived home from picing up the items from his home, I again posed the question if he wants to casually date or have a meaningful relationship and he repeated he doesn't want a casual relationship with me that he is trying to grow our relationship.
The optimistic side of me wants to believe in him, the pessimistic side of me fears I am being played for friends with benefits.
Ladies, I need your help. I am 53 years old and this is the first time I have wanted a relationship. It is this man I have chosen. Any comments and suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Sun Aug 23 2009 - 01:15 pm
I am curious...what exactly does he do when he dissappears for days at a time? I know one the same. Would love to be a fly on the wall. If he was fishing with his male mates and had photos to prove it i guess that would be ok. Most guys these days it seems like to play, but at what? Nothing like being the trained doormat. Been there, done that. If he really loved you, he wouldn't want to let you out of his sight. I don't believe in men anymore, they're just a very watered down version of the real thing that is now extinct. My opinion only. But good luck. And unless he's in a coma for a couple of days at a time, or boot camp one wonders.... The one i just dumped again and again....seemed to want to spend his time anywhere and with anyone but me! The only place he wanted me was on the end of his twinky, and that only takes a coupla minutes or less, at least he could get it up three times in two hours for his pleasure only and it gave me pleasure to give him pleasure, only he gave me no pleasure, i had to go home and finish that job, oh what a bonus! coupla times a week unless i held out on him. He said he loves me too. BS i say.
Sun Aug 23 2009 - 02:26 pm
My understanding of men, as like all predators, they find a suitable piece of putty to fill a role as they so desire, as close to their personal agenda as they can get. Be it minimal or multiple or complex, but they will never be honest with us and fill us in on their plan. Then they mould and train that putty, that would be us, the ever hopeful beautiful ladies who still believe their prince is out there somewhere. And we tiptoe around all the so called rules of the non existent game pandering to their agenda. We are the game! They are the hunters. Would women please unite. No more sex for these jerks. Lets all become lemons. We know what we like. No i'm not but seriously considering it. Anyone like to join me? We want love. There aint a man out there who can give us that. They are all too selfish. They suck it out of us and continue to do so and yet we keep going back for more, giving those ungrateful selfish blobs the best of us and receiving nothing back. And do you realise that us stupid idiot fools who should know better give it to them for free...yep, they trained us to be their piece of pork to pork when they feel like it cos it beats the hand. How about the blow job and other depraved nuances of theirs, they'll always love that but never you! You are their tool for one purpose only, If thats how it started thats how it'll stay. How degrading! Yes we are allowing them to cheapen and degrade us WHY? He wont love us more or at all ...we'll just go on kidding ourselves and he'll just smile that great big smile cos he got it easy cheap and without having to do any hard work at all cos he trained us to do the work for his few moments of pleasure, what a great job he did!~Thats right, they don't even thank us!They just use us. I have more respect for a hooker now than i do for myself. At least they charge a hefty fee, but then thats why the cheapskate lazy sods are looking for stupid prey like us. The mouldable type who'd do anything for him, hoping that one day he'll see how wonderful we are and never want to let us go. Ha dont make me laugh. It stops now. Give the pricks nothing!
Sun Aug 23 2009 - 01:55 pm
You should be asking yourself why he's on a dating site to begin with. If he is, then obviously he's not serious about you. You need to start dating other men. You don't become intimate with a man until HE tells you he wants a serious relationship if this is what you're ultimately looking for from him. In the meantime, have a life of your own that does not revolve around him. I feel your pain. I have been there. My ex disappeared for a days...turns out he was disappearing with other women. I had then and still do now, enough respect for myself to put a stop to this. He had no respect for me which is why he felt he could do this and get away with it. Get all your belongings from his house and clear out of his life. It's what a man doesn't say that you should be listening to, in other words, HIS ACTIONS! You'll hurt but in time regain your self-respect and sanity. Don't dwell on him. Start dating and though it will be tough at first, you'll find yourself dating a real gentleman who will feel he's the luckiest man in the world to have you! Good luck to you.
Wed Sep 09 2009 - 09:02 pm
The two comments I pick up here from him are "doesn't want a casual relationship" and "trying to grow a relationship". In my experience, men who are clear about their wants and desires, have no trouble expressing them. When a man is centred on what he truly wants, the language he uses is far more active, ie "I want/desire/need..." Trying means just that- he is trying but something just isn't working for him.
Three years is long enough I would think for you both to work out what you're wanting.
Quite apart from the dating episode where you posed as another woman, and he went along, I think you need to get in touch with what you are really feeling. What does your gut tell you and how does it make you feel inside?
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
Replies