DWD Opened My Eyes
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 01:17 pm
I was dating what I thought was a great guy for 10 months. I suppose you could call him a rebound. I had just been dumped by another guy after a 7 month relationship and my self esteem was at zero. I met the new guy on line. His profile stated that he was separated. He explained that the only reason he hadn't gotten a divorce was for financial reasons. We were exclusive from the beginning. There were little things that irritated me but I decided that as the relationship grew those would go away. After 8 months, I decided it was time to have "The Talk". He said he couldn't say he loved me but he couldn't say he didn't either. After that, things began to go down hill. I purchased DWD e-book. It opened my eyes! First, I realized that not getting a divorce was an option he chose because he didn't want to deal with it and didn't see any reason he needed to. Second, his answer to how he felt about me was a sign that he didn't really want a real relationship, one of those no commitment guys. He actually thought that I would eventually move in with him while he was still married. Thanks to DWD, I realized that this was a dead end relationship. While we were dating, I taught him how to play golf. Now, he wants to continue to play golf together. Is this his way of holding on, hoping I'll go back into a relationship with him? Can men and women be just friends after a break up? Any advice would be appreciated.
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 04:01 pm
Sandra,
Dead end relationship = no relationship especially after you have initiated "The Talk", IMO
It's been less than a year and not enough time for you to become his golfing bud.
He can play golf all by his lonesome for now. He'll find many golfers out there.
You would not be posting here if you have come to terms with your feelings for this guy. So, the answer is NO. perhaps, one day but absolutely NO for NOW.
just my 2 cents...
Auds
xoxox
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 04:32 pm
I agree with Auds because I am in exactly the same place as you (unhappily, I would add) as I too initiated The Talk (at month six) as there were signs of commitment issues too.. ick- didn't go too good
Broke up with him nxt day and he took it well, also stating he wanted to remain friends, which I did kind of agree to as it was so painful at the time but stated I would also have to let some time pass..
Its day 28 today and he has texted a stupid 'how are you' text this morning which, thanks to my lovely friends over on the NC thread, I have ignored... Not ready yet
It just hurts too much IF your'e not over him yet
Like rubbing raw salt in your open wounds... why would you want to do that to your precious self?
As to his motives... well I wish I could offer an opinion but sadly, not much use at dealing with men lol looking at it, Id say he wants to keep you around in his life but seems reluctant to wipe his slate clean
The question is *what do YOU want??*
Sun Nov 15 2009 - 09:51 pm
Thanks Audrey and Hopeful1, your advice is greatly appreciated. At times, I miss him and my heart aches but not as bad as the boyfriend before him. I think(?) I could play golf with him without any problem. As for him, I don't know how he will act but I suspect that it is his way of keeping me in his life.
The last week we did our discussions by email (his idea). The last email I told him why I couldn't continue a relationship and ended it by telling him not to send anymore emails, if he wanted to talk he could pick up the phone. It's been 3 days without emails or phone calls. I guess he finally realized that I was serious. I am guessing that I will not have to worry about playing golf with him. What do I want? I want some peace and to be left alone for a while.
Thanks again!
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