Doomed to Lifelong Loneliness?
Fri Aug 21 2009 - 05:35 pm
OK, so I've been single for around a year (which, for some, isn't really a big deal; after all, there was a period in my life where I was single for 3 years), but I went on a "date" three months ago in which the guy, a friend of mine, told me to call him sometime. I didn't call him because I figured if he was interested, HE would call ME.
However, what bothers me about being single is that most of the women in my family married young (before their mid-20s), many of the people I went to school with are getting married or are already married, and I'm still without such a relationship at 23 going on 24. I have been in several relationships; only my first one at 12 has lasted longer than three months, and I dated the guy twice: 7 months the first time, 4 months the second time. (The average relationship for me lasts 1-3 months.) On top of that, I don't know where to start when it comes to breaking the ice to a new man, whether online or face to face, and, due to a fairly traumatic past that I believe is the pinpoint of my low self-esteem and depression, I have an intense fear of rejection and heartbreak. I also live with my retired, strict parents, do not have my own car or job, and am a recent college grad and vegetarian. But I have been saving up for a car and trying to get a job. In the meantime, I write, perform in and attend shows, scrapbook, take pictures, cook, and shop among other hobbies to make myself feel whole and put my traumatic past behind me.
When I did message guys, I either never heard from them, they gave me an excuse as to why they were not interested in further getting to know me (one prospective suitor rejected me because I'm a vegetarian, and some others have been put off by my vegetarianism), or the correspondences didn't lead to anything. When I would meet a guy in person, it wouldn't lead to anything either.
I don't mean to have a negative attitude, or seem like I'm complaining. I just need some advice and encouragement (and maybe a kick in the butt!) to find an approach that will help me find someone (hopefully the love of my life) regardless of my circumstances so I'm not doomed to lifelong loneliness. I also need advice on how I can overcome my fear of rejection and heartbreak so I can find the love of my life or let him find me. Your advice, encouragement, and/or kick in the butt would be greatly appreciated!
Sun Aug 30 2009 - 12:28 am
"I just need some advice and encouragement (and maybe a kick in the butt!) to find an approach that will help me find someone (hopefully the love of my life) regardless of my circumstances so I'm not doomed to lifelong loneliness."....... Buy DWD, read it and then take action with the steps in it. You really need to date yourself first before dating anyone else...it sounds like you're down on yourself for your current job/car/home, and vegetarian lifestyle status.
You need to be feeling good about all of those things before dating. After you do that, THEN you won't be afraid of rejection because you'll be OK with yourself as you are and it won't matter what any guy says or does.
Enjoy dating YOU and have fun! :)
Sat Sep 05 2009 - 11:34 pm
Thank you, Chloe, for your helpful advice.
Sun Nov 01 2009 - 09:37 pm
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Tue Sep 08 2009 - 01:06 am
Veggie..."never say never"! Things always change if you help it along. :)
Thu Sep 10 2009 - 12:46 pm
veggie, I know how you feel. I'm on the same boat, but 7 years older than you. I just graduated from college this may, have my car but can't pay for gas and my mom is using it. I live at home (sad isn't it?) but there's not much I can do until I find a job. But based on past experiences, believe it or not when you least expect it that's when it happens. That's how I met my ex-bf, but after dating him for 3 years, we parted our ways because of school and also because I felt we weren't really compatible.
It is really hard to date yourself, especially if you don't have a job or a car, but at least you're doing things that make you happy. So keep doing that and make yourself happy before you can date. That way, when you least expected, he'll come into your life. If you were in San Francisco or the Bay Area, you'll find your vegetarian man :P
Thu Sep 10 2009 - 01:45 pm
wayyy move over and pass the tissiues lol lol come you lot what you on ???????
Dating isn't the be all and end of everthing is it?
Flipping it better not be.
I'm a mum of 4 kids and who is gonna want to date a woman with 4 childern ???
Now i could sit and cry and wish i'd done things so differently but why should I?
You know if a guy never wants to date me for the rest of my days lol i'm not really that fussed about it.
Its going to take a guy with on hell of back bone and darn big heart to want to be a part of my familys life .
Lets face it how many guys are looking for the younger model and no childern ??? lol a very high percentage thats what.
I know that there are guys who are big enough to say 'you know what its you i want and the fact you have childern doesn't bother me.'
The best advice you can tell yourself is this the world is pretty big place and out there somewhere is someone for you, whos doing just what your doing dreaming of their ideal .....only problem is you haven't met yet.
Yes there are times when you think omg is it . Everyone else is in love but me , or they all seem to be in some forum of relationship good or bad at least they are with someone.
Yes winter is on its way and the dark nites are totally crap , you want some one to cuddle when it cold and raining outside .
You may not have friends you can go out with lol i know i don't but it doesn't stop me from being happy.
I can could be with a man if that was what i wanted just to be with someone lol any fool can join an internet dating site and take up with the first looney that mails them ..........but its not what i want. Any of you can if you just want to be with someone then there is your answer.
But its not is it . We want that specail thing that others appear to have ............so live your life till you find it or it finds you.
Each of us is looking for that person you can be yourself, with laugh with, cry with , no hassle no mider. No games , No heartache etc lol the list goes on and on .
At the moment you have you and that to someone is priceless.
So smile!!!! This is a one way journey only! no returns, no refunds, Make the most it cos you never know when the end of line is .
Fri Sep 11 2009 - 07:31 am
Hey puzzled
Great post. I reckon you're spot on :-)
As you say, being single is tough occasionally. Yeah there nights when you feel lonely and times when the world seems full of smug git couples everywhere. But on the other hand, much better to have some lonely nights but an otherwise full and happy life than a miserable -or even just mediocre life in an unfullfilling relationship, or wasting countless hours chasing men who are just not worth the effort.
I think you are the sort of person who *will* meet the man of her dreams...precisely because you know what's important important in life, you make the best of everything you've got and you're not prepared to settle for any old idiot. And being in that 'place' - genuinely happy and confident in yourself - is makes you attractive to others...
Fri Sep 11 2009 - 08:00 am
Puzzled, I too love your post; Cut & pasted to e-mail it to myself:)
Auds xoxox
Fri Sep 11 2009 - 11:37 am
thankyou smiler thats possible the nicest thing said in a long time :)
Audery lol i know it off by heart now :)
Fri Sep 11 2009 - 09:21 pm
Yeah! And you should see her move furniture!!!! LOL. She is a smarty pants though. I loved what you had to say and it all makes perfect sense.
"Don't Worry, Be Happy". ;)
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
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