Do I tell Him?
Mon Mar 15 2010 - 05:08 pm
As many of you know I am dating a musician and we have decided that we wanted to change the way that we treat each other for the New Year 2010...So far everything is going well but lately I feel for "space"....a timeout from him....I feel that I am over giving and I need to take a few steps back...Another reason for my "Space" is that I want to concentrate on me for I have neglected myself far too long....I just want to get back in touch with myself, the independent person that I used to be...Lately it hit me that I was depending on him to make me happy and I dont want that as that can cause problems...I have a mental list of all the things that I need to do without him in the picture for a while.
So ladies my questions are have you ever taken space? and did it impact positively in your relationships? And most IMPORTANTLY do I come out in the open, be honest and tell him I am taking space for myself? or do I just take it without telling him? Taking some space will mean a lot to me!
Mon Mar 15 2010 - 05:29 pm
You aren't talking about breaking up are you? Because if you tell him you need a break he may take that to mean you aren't happy and want to BREAK UP
I do understand the need for time to yourself - which is healthy btw.
Why not make a physical list of the things you want to do and figure out some small things that you can just do. You don't need his permission to re-invent yourself.
Most quality guys would like this quest for more independence. I don't really understand the problem. If you want to do something, do it. Unless we are talking about moving out of the country, in which case he might like to be consulted
Mon Mar 15 2010 - 05:49 pm
In my case it just the opposite that what I should of done but
didnt and it really mess things up. So would yes you should have your
life cause you know they have one. They do things with men freinds
so why shouldnt you do the same.
Mon Mar 15 2010 - 06:01 pm
No I am not breaking up with him....He has his Ups and Downs and at the end of the day I am happy with him but its just that I want to be happy on my own..yes I am seeking my own independence... Nomoredramajulie you are quite right..He has his friends, if Not his friends gym, if not gym, movies and if not movies, Music and rock shows. And what do I have? I havent spend quality time with my friends. For a good couple of months I havent gone shopping or pampered myself and felt good on my own...I havent read a good book and eaten chocolate like I used to or plan trips on my own and just enjoy my own company...I havent been myself!!!
why is that? because my thoughts have been occupied with him and where the relationship is going and if I have to try harder and If things will work out or not....wories upon worries....So do I come out front and tell him or do I just take space and run with it? lol
Mon Mar 15 2010 - 06:12 pm
Maybe you should just have a nice talk with and explain how
you feel and tell him that you dont want to break up but you
liketo have space and time to do the stuff that you enjoy
too and that it has nothing to do how feel when you do things
together.
Mon Mar 15 2010 - 06:50 pm
I think you should just take the space and run with it unless you have a valid reason to think he would not approve.
Julie has a point about the importance of communication, but if you look at your #3 post--you aren't thinking of making any major changes. Why should he care if you want to take an evening out with your friends or go shopping if he has his gym, his friends and his music. GO. It is this obsessing over what he thinks that has brought you to this place.
Really your need for space has nothing to do with him does it? He has his space. If you feel you need his permission he is more than likely to think you are nuts--or at very least just say "so do it already. what are you asking me for?"
Baby steps. Before you start planning your 3 month European holiday without him or buy a house without him, why not just go to the spa or have some brunch with your friends. Take some initiative and call some girlfriends that you haven't seen in a while and plan something. My best guess is that he won't be too concerned.
Mon Mar 15 2010 - 07:00 pm
Yes thetababe he does have his space and he does what he likes doing and guess what he doesnt ask my permission..lol..so I will take my space and just run with it and you hit the nail on its head...I like when You say:
"It is this obsessing over what he thinks that has brought you to this place."
he even made the comment that I am a people pleaser which was never a characteristic of mine in the past..somehow it crept upon me and I guess taking space would have eliminated that if Id gotten in touch with my own well being....thanks so much for the eye opener...same goes to u Nomoredramajulie!
Mon Mar 15 2010 - 07:04 pm
your welcome and I dont see if he dont ask permission why
should you have to. you have to be a complete person with or
without him that something I sure have learn and thebabe is right too.
Mon Mar 15 2010 - 07:06 pm
I guess I feel a bit insecure that if I start having my own life He just wont be there..I know I shouldnt be feeling this way but I cant help it....I guess this is one of the reasons why I open this thread!
Mon Mar 15 2010 - 07:08 pm
Sp,
if you start having your own life, he's gonna be there MORE...trust me on that...lol.
Men like women who have their own lives and want women who are "whole" without him being around.
Mon Mar 15 2010 - 07:44 pm
yes I found out that men dont like if your too clingy or needy
they really hate that!
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