DNR?! Smerks "Thread"...

'Zactly, my dear Watson! It's going to be my story about my relationship w/ GBNF. It's a work in progress...but in composing it at the wee hours last nite, I rec'd much insight. Stay tuned. I'll post it w/in the next day or so. Need to chew on it a li'l first ;}

First Date:

GBNF and I had met at a club down at the shore on a late Sunday evening the week proceeding Labor Day weekend over 6 years ago. I was in total goddess mode @ the time (or so I had thought). I was 41yrs old, fit as a fiddle and taking a break f/ the dating scene ( I had been meeting too many lotharios who unwittingly wanted to turn me into their therapist and bend my ear about their ex’s…needed to examine what it was about me that drew this behavior). I had a FWB at the time which I was fine with, but serendipitiously, he was readying to move to Cali the following week.

My BFF along w/ her two adult daughters walked into the club at a late hour when there weren’t many around. BFF and I proceeded to the bar and situated ourselves on corner realestate whilst daughters proceeded to get fun and funky putting on a dirty dance show w/ eachother…just out to have a good time.

GBNF’s friend was sitting catacorner f/ me at the bar and proceeded to chat me up casually (I noticed GBNF in the shadows behind me checking me out; turns out later he was trying to get a birdseye view of me sticks…I’m told I have great ones…later found out he was readying to leave and quickly decided to stay when he laid eyes on me making my entrance..).

After ice was broken, GBNF offered to buy me a drinkie, I said sure, “shot of tequila” I was feeling very “Working Girl” i.e. movie w/ Melanie Griffith where she and what’s his face meet and that’s what she had ordered. He proceeds to pull up next to me and we have lovely chat. Somewhere in the convo the topic of dating came up and I said I have one cardinal rule..NO BS!

We danced a bit and enjoyed eachother’s company. At closing time, he and his friend proceeded to walk BFF and myself home (daughters had long since had enough and gone on). We sat on the porch and spent another couple of hours keeping company. I gave his friend some REIKI to get rid of his headache and this seemed to intrigue GBNF.

At the end of the evening, we shared a lovely kiss and he acquired my phone number (somewhere in the convo, he said “don’t worry, I’ll call; to which I responded, “not worried, my take is if they call, they call, but if not, so be it. They’re loss”…that one threw him a li’l.

I was going to be at the shore f/ the week and he was heading f/ home. He called w/I three days to set up a date w/ me. He came to pick me up the following Saturday and took me out to a very nice local restaurant overlooking the water. When we reached the restaurant, he jumped out of the car when he parked, but I didn’t budge (I was waiting f/ him to come ‘round and open my door). We were seated outside and had a lovely dinner. At one point during dinner, I blurted out that I had eaten bugs, to which he replied, “would you prefer to sit under the bug zapper”…I proceeded to tell him that I had taken several survival courses….he took my comment as being cute and brushed it off as first date jitters.

After dinner, we headed for the boardwalk and it began to storm. I was undeterred. I love walking in the rain.. We held hands, walked and talked f/ well over an hour. At one point I got chilled so we headed to a late nite coffee shop (they had a comedian performing and wouldn’t serve us coffee during the “set”!)…I argued w/ the barrista…I didn’t want comedy; I wanted coffee!!! No coffee, so we left.

Although I was staying w/ friends, we drove to his father’s house afterwards to dry off and had a hot’n’heavy make out session…I felt vulnerable but couldn’t resist…he dropped me at my friends around 4 a.m.

We were sooo very into eachother…we both felt apprehensive and were cautious at first because of our situations, but we were obviously smitten!

The next evening I headed north to another friend’s shore place to finish up labor day weekend. He called me on Monday and we talked on phone f/ 3 hours. I felt like I had been starting w/ a cold or something at this point. Little did I know I’d end up in the hospital a few weeks later hooked up to IV’s and what not.

More later….

Just found out f/ my BFF that my mother told her that she has emphasema...she just found out last Friday...she didn't want to tell me and had my BFF promise that she wouldn't tell...she is worried about me right now because of what GBNF did!!!!!

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She's been acting strange and I was getting the feeling that something was going on w/ her...I also had the feeling that when she got back from Eire a few weeks ago that this will be her last trip across the pond...she's actually lost more weight and constantly "hacking up a lung" as I was calling it....I feel like I'm in the middle of a waking nightmare right now...it's a week before thanksgiving...I've always been the "rock" in my family...I'll have to break the news to my sister, my son and my neices at some point...I've been trying to compile a list of blessings to celebrate...now I know how precious whatever time I'm going to have left w/ her truly is...this is a sock in the heart!