disappearing/avoiding me
Thu Mar 11 2010 - 01:35 pm
Hi i've been dating this guy for a month now and everything has been great until now. I met his brother, his daughter and he told his mom about me. We've had the are you my girlfriend talk and not wanting to date more than one person @ a time. Then his friend comes to stay with him for couple weeks to get an apartment, and he starting being stressed. He made plans to spend day with me for the next day and then canceled because he said he needed alone time. I said no problem and explained that he asked to see me, that I wasnt asking to see him. He told me I was the least person he see's and the least person that asks for him time and appreciates it. I asked if he needed space and he said a huge NO. Then I dont hear from him monday, so text monday night are u ok. I got nothing, so then text are you ignoring me? And someone text back saying that "he left his phone at my apt and will be picking up tomorrow but I should call him at home". Well i didnt, and he called me the next day and said sorry I left my phone @ pablos house. I asked him what was going on with him because I knew something was wrong. He said was over whelmed, I asked of me and he said no. I asked if he was dating anyone else and he said no. Then he asked if we could talk about it later and I said tonight. Well later that night I never heard from him so I called him and said to call me because I will going to bed soon. He said ok soon he will but never did. So its been two days I havent heard from him, what do I do????
Thu Mar 11 2010 - 01:40 pm
Get busy. Fill up your time with things that you enjoy doing. Be good to you. He may just be overwhelmed. Give him his space. Take a deep breathe and take this time to do nice things for yourself. It's only been a month or so since you've been with this man...too much drama f/ this early in a relationship. Relax. He may be under enough pressure ATM. Mirror his behavior. back up a little.
love'n' respect (YOURSELF...first!)
Smerk ;}
Thu Mar 11 2010 - 02:48 pm
I would echo what smerk said!
He probably is really overwhelmed. Maybe he is having trouble with this friend of his, and does not want to discuss it with you. Afterall, you have only met for a month. He doesn't have to start discussing things with you already.
Give him his space and time. And keep yourself busy. He'd come back to you if he feels for you. Otherwise, there is nothing lost for you yet.
Thu Mar 11 2010 - 02:58 pm
I agree...Dont go into panic mode to soon (calling, texting and asking if you two are good)...that will only stress him out end result being him walking away for good.
I agree with the oter two post, mirror his image and go into NO CONTACT.
A month is nothing, you're just starting to learn about each other and maybe you're learning he has issues....not saying he does...but this is the part where you have to start really paying attention.
BTW...i learned alot and owe my informative information to DWD.... 8)
Thu Mar 11 2010 - 03:47 pm
ok well thank you for all the replys! This is our 5th time to reconnect through out the year. This time around its been a month of dating again. The reason we had difficulties is his ex wouldnt give up on him, and then he would dissapear. last time in November we went to Jamaica and she found out and finally left him. He then went our own ways when we came back from the drama. But now we have reconnected a month ago because he was finally able to be with me. She moved out and is completly out of his life since December. So thats why I finally met his brother, daughter, ect. So should I text him and say I understand he's overwhelmed or just wait if he contacts me?? This is the first time he didnt return my phone call or text me to say anything? Its been two days and nothing from him. I gave him a chance for space and he kept saying no and it wasnt me.
Thu Mar 11 2010 - 04:07 pm
I wouldn't text him...wait for him to contact you...spook him a little let him wonder whats going on with you.....
so far you have been the one reaching out to him....so once that stops ...he will notice it.
It may not be you...but if you keep pressing him...IT EVENTUALLY WILL BE YOU....know what i mean ???
Hey, it's only been a month....If he is truly interested and if he is being honest that its NOT YOU...then he will come around. If he doesn't then what did you lose ??? It was only a month.
BTW: did you ever stop to think..that the ex may have resurfaced ??? Just a thought.
Thu Mar 11 2010 - 04:17 pm
yes i have thought that maybe the ex heard that we were together and now bothering him again. and thats probably whats overwhelming him plus his friend on his couch. i dont want to be annoying so i will not contact him, but no promise's if i dont hear from him in a week. just last thursday he asked me to go to st.barts for a week at the end of this month! im just scared he'll disappear again, which we all fear. so basically no contact?? do guys actually reach out when they stop hearing from you? i mean we see each other twice a week and the last time i saw him was last thursday. wouldnt he want to see me??
Thu Mar 11 2010 - 04:27 pm
Well ya'd think wouldn't you?
Yes if they care about you and miss you they will eventually reach out. If they do not that tells you something about how they feel about you. If they come back pursuing you they are interested, if they don't they aren't.
A lot of times they only come back once you finally accept that they were no good for you in the first place. Not that I am suggesting that about your guy. I'm just sayin'
Thu Mar 11 2010 - 04:38 pm
so should i send him a message saying when he's ready for a relationship, call me? or telling him i see that he's overwhelmed and i think some space between us will be great? OR should i just wait to see if he contacts me? i know, i know im freakin out!
Thu Mar 11 2010 - 04:46 pm
No contact!! Don't message him.
Thu Mar 11 2010 - 05:04 pm
NO CONTACT...
It's normal to go into panic mode...but you don't want to come across as needy or clingy or smothering....give him his space.
AND DO NOT BY AN MEANS SAY TO HIM CALL ME WHEN YOU''RE READY RELATIONSHIP...thats just a manipulation tatic to get him to call..it won't work !!!
Just relax, go out with some friends, keep busy, go to a movie....keep busy.
Being pushy will only make it easier and faster for him to walk away.
Ever here Beyonce's and lady gaga song "telephone"
LOL...listen to it....she's complaining that he blows up her phone when she's busy.... (it become frustrating)...i mean different scenarios but same concept....my point is to step back...no one likes a pushy person, he will start to sense the panic and start to think you are dramatic.
relax girl it's going to be ok either way.
Inspiration Story:
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