DefCon levels and other good bits!

STARTING FROM SCRATCH

Goodbye? GOODBYE?? You're ALPHA GIRL. NOBODY says goodbye to you! It's not over unless YOU say it is!

I said Think FIRST DATE. You would NOT hand over a note of any sort to a man you were meeting for the very first time.

You're not getting it: Words are HISTORY. Empty them out of your relationship toolbelt and kick them to the kerb. They've never done you ANY favours. IF/WHEN you two are going steady/married, THEN you can reintroduce them.

The point is that words are your enemy in the intial stages of pair-bonding. You should only use words like they're ACTIONS, in other words it's not WHAT you say, more how you say it...what the words carry in between the lines.

Words become our weakness when we enter into the romantic arena. Men use words as tools for obtaining underlying agendas. So there WE are being honest and disclosing whilst there they are telling us only what it serves them to say.

The point of starting from scratch (and if YOU behave like it's a new, exciting and promising first date then so will he), is that the climate which produced the difficulties, including the words that had to be spilled to suit, DISAPPEAR.

Look at it like this: imagine your relationship was a bitter Winter. The symptoms of its difficulties were your coats, hats, woolen socks and gloves. The gloves - which were a gift from him - were itchy which made you complain. His hat - which were a gift from you - was too tight on his head which made it sweat, which made him complain. He's then complaining because you won't hold his hand because yours is busy scratching the other. You're complaining cos he won't hug you because he's too sweaty...

Then suddenly - poof, by magic! - the pair of you find yourselves on a Caribbean island - for good. You take the items of clothing off and permanantly trash them, and need never mention, nor even discuss them, or their effects, again. NOBODY is itching, NOBODY is sweating. They become (scuse pun) IMMATERIAL AND OBSOLETE.

You can DO that instant transportation to sunnier climes, simply by BEHAVING like you're on a first date. You have no history (so what's to discuss?), you have no hang-ups (so what's to fear?), etc.

It takes two to tango but only one to pick the music, set the tempo and the volume and to grab the other partner and start dancing.

Really, it's that simple. And it's tried and tested. Trust me - he'll be so relieved (because he'll THINK you've just agreed to ignore every issue) that he'll embrace the game wholeheartedly. But you haven't, you're just from now on BEHAVING EVERYTHING rather than saying anything. Any remaining issues that a sunnier clime doesn't automatically blow away, get resolved that way.

Do it and you'll see.

No note. He's a first date. So are you. Behave like one.

xoxo

Hey, Marce, this is a GREAT idea [thumbs up]. From now on I won't have to do or say ANYTHING. I can just post in links and be done with it.

(Bloody hell, though - don't I go on?!)

xoxo

MAY THE [EGO] FORCE BE WITH YOU, LUKE-ETTA

I agree with the "praying". As a psychologist-aestheist, however, I term it Positive Thinking as a Self-fulfilling Prophesy. Some people merely "send a message to the universe". But what is in play is this: you spend less time focussing on what you DON'T want - which achieves nothing but an avoidance of what you dont' want - and more time focussing on what you DO want, thereby concentrating your mind on ways to achieve that as well as heightening your attention to every available opportunity to that end.

A half-attentive, or half-distracted, ego produces only half-a*sed actions...which never attained anyone anything worth having.

If you want something badly enough you get it. The ego is THE single most powerful force (ahem - or second, depending upon how you define the dark and good sides of your psyche ;-)) in the Cause & Effect universe.

SM do you have the one explaining how dating men are like dating animals in the wild? I have it but I think it's at work...My fav..:)