Dating Rules for Older Generation
Wed Nov 18 2009 - 08:09 pm
I'd like to know how much of the Dating Without Drama advice really applies to someone like me (divorced with a child at age 48).
In reality, how much time do I have to "date by the rules"? Is it realistic to wait for a man in his late 40's & 50's to call me? Should I not call him at least once again when he doesn't return my call?
It seems that a lot of the advice is better suited for those in thehir 20's who have time on their side to play with and not a lot of experience.
Wed Nov 18 2009 - 08:43 pm
#2
Hi Fit4Livin-
I'm 49, divorced for 12 years, with 2 teenage children. And I think the suggestions in DWD are great, and they work for men of any age. I just got out of a relationship with a man nearly 10 years my senior. And the DWD principles worked just fine in that relationship!!!
The way I see it, I have at least 50 years left..... That's plenty of time to play by the rules!! If he doesn't call me, then the next one will....
Good luck!
Kat
Thu Nov 19 2009 - 07:31 am
#3
Sigh...I think the ruls apply even more for our generation...because we were brought up (as were the men we most likely will potentially date) in a time where it really was thought that "nice girls don't call boys" and believe me...I can still hear my mother's voice saying that to me...AND to my brother as a warning that the girls who called him weren't "quality." So, okay I realize that's archaic but truthfully, I don't think that early training ever really leaves AND I think it was based on the core truth that men DO prefer the chase and that women who make it too easy on them...well, they aren't seen as keepers. Again, archaic, but still true.
Don't know if that helps, but it's working for me. And it keeps me sane because I don't obsess about whether I should call or not. I just don't unless there is a truly legit reason to. And those are few and far between.
Thu Nov 19 2009 - 09:57 am
#4
As soon as you feel like the clock is ticking, you start to come across as desparate. This applies to 30 somethings who want to get married before their biological clock goes off, it applies to 20 somethings who want to get married before they turn 30. It is not age it is attitude.
Men can sense if you are on the clock. Calling them just confirms (in their mind anyway) desparation and impatience.
Age is just a number. The number I choose is 32 even if my birth certificate says 49.
Thu Nov 19 2009 - 10:51 am
#5
Yes Fit,
The rules apply whether you are 18 or 95! Women can be needy and clingy and desperate for company and attention at ANY age.
My older neighbor Jerry is 80ish. And he dates a lot of women. And he is pretty much scared of a relationship (been married twice.) He takes out women from age 50-70. He is a hard sell. He has his lists of qualities he is looking for. And he loves, he requires a challenge, the chase. I see, from his point of view, all of the mistakes these women make with him.
I'm not saying he is the perfect catch. He is cranky and moody, and set in his ways, and more than a little messy. He is impatient with others flaws and not very empathetic. In short, he CAN be a real pain in the @ss. But he speaks his mind and is honest. He is generous with what he has and with his time. He is prompt and does what he says he will do. He doesn't stand anyone up, and has integrety most of the time. He has a good heart and under the bristles is a very kind soul. And he is lonely and would benefit from the love of a good woman. If he met a woman who followed DWD she would have a chance to snag him and see that. But so far, he hasn't.
I'm 47 and DWD works for me....when I am able to follow it. I'm still in training.
SZ
Thu Nov 19 2009 - 11:25 am
#6
I agree, at 48 I am following this whole new concept in dating and so far I feel much more secure knowing I am not getting too involved too quickly and not coming over as desperate.
One thing to remember too is that this method weeds out the players who by now have honed their craft to a fine art, believe me, I was well and truly played a couple of years ago by a man in his late 50s and he was an expert. It ain't gonna happen again.
Thu Nov 19 2009 - 12:17 pm
#7
yo! whats all this ladies ??? an age thing. Behave and there is no such thing as when you get older your despate either lol .
Heck i wish i could actually show you the confindance thing but i can't .
Only thing i can say is never think of it being fab that someone has asked you out on a date .
Think of it as fab that you have agreed to spend some of your time with someone .
Oh and one golden rule NEVER date someone just because its better than nothing .
Thu Nov 19 2009 - 12:38 pm
#8
Exactly!!
I think we ladies need to remind ourselve that it's not just about whether men want to date US, but whether we want to date THEM. This applies whatever age you are!
Fri Nov 20 2009 - 04:15 pm
#9
Hi fit4livin,
when I saw the heading of the thread, I thought it would be about properly older generation, like people in their eighties :).
48 really isn't older generation and certainly no excuse for not following DWD. Not because they are some sort of miracle rules, but because it is common sense.
I only learnt the need for DWD when I was dating a 54-year old man. The younger men have always been so keen that I had done the 'rules' instinctively without having to ever think about it. If anything, at 48 you need them even more than at 28.
I know huh, because we might die in the interim! LMAO! 48 huh? Did you hear that K??? I am chuckling here because oh lets just say I am a wee bit older and am still on track, well sometimes the girls here have to give me a shove over, but that all good. Just do the right thing. I don't think it matters the age so much as the person. :) You are considered young...believe it or not! hell, I consider ME young! ;)