Not exclusive--after one whole month? What is the rush?

Slow down. You just met. You have had maybe what, 4 dates? It is completely unrealistic to demand that he decide these things after you have known each other for a matter of hours. You are just getting to know one another and he obviously likes to take things slow.

This is a good thing. Don't rush him. Don't pressure him or he will do warp speed for the nearest exit and justifiably so.

Relax and enjoy the time getting to know him. Date others. Exclusivity goes both ways. There is no law saying you have to put all your eggs in his basket. Play the field. You are not sleeping with this guy yet, right?

Chill and have some fun

Thanks for you advice :-)

No,I'm not sleeping with him./ we had 5 dates up to now, I don't demand exclusivity RIGHT NOW (and Im seeing other people to keep my options open),but he hasnt got any closer at all. He never calls me or texts me just to know what I'm doing (other guys who are interested in me do it). If we communicated also in between dates (expecially considering that a couple of times we were watching a film, so not much chance to talk),we would know each other a bit better. Is it asking for too much?? Just a phone call every now and then?

Guys don't always have the communication skills we wish them to. While yes, I would expect a guy to call and text if he is interested, maybe this guy is just on his own timetable.

If you are curious then ask him why he does not call or text between dates. If you are just curious and not demanding, he might have a perfectly logical explanation.

Otherwise, you are doing the right thing by keeping your options open. If he does not step up to the plate and someone else does, well..his loss.

You snooze you lose.

hello bella...I feel you (lol) but I also agree with thetababe...its really too soon! my new guy and I have been "communicating" via phone for 2 months and have seen each other once a couple of weeks ago and he will be here tonight to spend the entire weekend with me and I would love for him to say..hey you are what I am looking for and I don't want to be with anyone else and I hope you feel the same way too..so lets be exclusive...but I will not put that demand on him neither will I ask him about it!

so slow your roll...at least 3 mths and see where things are by then!

if you do this...you will do every man like that after a month and maybe miss out on some good guys!

Hi Bella

I totally agree with Thetababe's and itspossible's comments. Even though a month can seem a long time in dating time, you are indeed only in the early stages so I wouldn't jeopardize the situation by bringing up The Exclusivity Talk just yet. To put your mind at ease, my guy and I had at least six or seven dates (over several months) before it came up.

You may find that as you get to know each other, he starts texting and calling in between dates, and you start seeing each other more often. If another month passes and the situation is no different, I would then tend to think he wasn't overly keen and consider moving on. But for the time being - just sit back, relax, and enjoy simply spending time with this an other guys without relationship pressure.

I totally hear where you're coming from -- he doesn't seem to be exactly stepping up to the plate in terms of moving things along. But I agree with the others -- give it just a little more time. Sometimes guys are just a little bit behind us in terms of relationship movement. I like Smiler's advice -- if another month goes by and things are still the same, you're not feeling any growth, then that seems like you've invested enough time in the situation.

Thank you very much for all your advices, I guess I just needed some sensible speaking, and thanks for that :-) I don't want t bring the exclusivity subject up myself (though,if he did,I'd be very happy!),and I agree with all of you that maybe a month is not such a long time. Maybe I am just used to get some much s***t by men, who pretend to like me and then they turn out to be total jerks, or to be on rebound, or simply not sure of how they feel...that now I kind of expect all the men to do so. And this is probably not fair on him.I think what has made me nervous is that I was seeing another guy at the same time (with who I didnt feel any spark, but he is goodlooking and nice),and he said on the 4th date,after 3 weeks, that he wanted to be my boyfriend!!! Then I wondered: why not the other one??? :-(

When you don't have as much invested in a guy, you come across differently than when you do.

It is easier to be your fabulous self when you are not too attached to the outcome. When you like a guy that changes.

It is a very common thing; the ones you don't want are the ones in hot pursuit. The ones you do want are hiding.

I agree with all the other posts here. Just be cool and relaxed. Sometimes I think a man "tests" a woman to see if she'll react with drama (by initiating a talk), and sometimes a man just wants to go slow for his own reasons. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you (in fact by continuing to date you, he's clearly interested), it just means he's going at his own pace that's all.

Try to disconnect a little bit more, adopt a "don't care either way" attitude, keep dating others, and then take the temperature of the relationship in another couple of months time.

You might be nicely surprised. The pot does come to the boil after some slow and gentle simmering!

I have a question ladies since this discussion is right up my alley. My guy and me have been talking for 5 months and met once (day and a half) but he slept elsewhere...so no sex yet and he might come for the weekend soon. Is it too early (sending a wrong message) to have sex if we both are so inclined? Sorry, don't want to tie up this thread...just a simple answer will do. ;)

theta...ain't that the truth most times though?! :)

I agree Bella...mirror him and do your own thing and maybe then he will realize what a package you are! ;)

Bella I have been in this situation with a guy for the last 3 to 4 yrs and i have been sabotaging this dating thing with him and every time we cool down we are always drawn to each other. the thing is i have no patience. thats y i keep doing the wrong things and going a step backwards.

well now i face the dilema as you and my guy do not call text email during the week. i work one minute away from him as from today and he calls me last minute to make dates and guess what i decided to do?

i decided to date myself and mirror everything he does but twice as much. last week i got angry with him...read my thread..should i run? u ll know what im talking about and he said that i was asking for too much. this week i havent seen him or talk to him.

how i intend to handle this situation is to focus on myself and not communicate with him for the next two weeks. so since he said that i am asking for too much and we didnt see each other this week ...i think that i deserve two weeks of "me" time without the disruptions. that way my guy would realise that i am independent and i am way too busy for his crap and to top it off he will be wondering what the hell is going on. when i do see him..yes i may be angry but i will be cool calm and collected and when he asks me whats going on? i will look at him smile and say that i was so busy you slip my mind. and i am making sure that i look extra hot....

i will act so detached that he would think that i didnt miss him. and i strongly believe men test women to really see how dramatic they will react. i always say action speak louder than words.so dont ask him anything about being exclusive...just mirror him

HAHA SP!!!

I loved your post!
Totally, 100% agree with you!

Be a little bit meaner. A little more bitchy. Add a itsy bitsy snobish to it in combination with charm and class and VOLLA!

Goodluck :)

xxx

i guess thats where the author gots its name...why men marry bitches?

HI SP! I have just read your post... I am not the best person to give relatioship advice,as I have been single for nearly 5 years now!I get dates all the time, but there must be something that I do that freaks men out and they never call again...ALL THE MEN!! ANyway,back to your post...I think your current attitude is right, with the list of rules, and giving priority to yourself...show him that u love yourself and have a full life and not be too available (but you know this already),in the meantime, keep your options open, meet other people, maybe you'll find someone who deserves you more than this guy! (the sex and blowjob thing would have put me off him tbh).Good luck and let us know how it goes!!

Thanks to everybody for your advices, I have decided to take it slow, and as Trace said, adopt a "dont care either way" attitude (I like that!).Hopefully this is going to draw him to me!! I have made so many mistakes in the past, I hoped that with my love and showing how much I cared I could have got a guy I really was into, and who wasnt ready for a relationship, to be with me,but I just made worse and he cut all the contacts with me. And the worse thing is that he really liked me at the beginning, but I brought up the "relationship" subject up too soon and all the time, and he was turned off. I'm never gonna lose a man again so stupidly :-( with them the reverse psychology works: I don't want a relationship right now! And they do all they can to make u change your mind!lol!

Oh and by the way,I have read the other book "WHy men love bitches". I think in the end all these books say the same thing,maybe with different examples, but the advices are pretty much the same

Well I just found out that my guy had a ball with his friends yesterday!!!! I hope that was the best time in his life....cause I am going to be dedicated to myself and it would be interesting to know how he would react when I dont take his calls....lollll how about that for a change...a woman testing the man to see if he has drama lolll....

but Bella take it slow and relax...Date your self and make yourself the number 1 priority.

I have that book on hold at the library on recommendation from someone on another thread. I look forward to reading it