Dating a busy guy
Sat Oct 10 2009 - 11:09 am
I met a guy online about 6 nmonths ago. We sent some emails back and forth and finally met about 3 months ago. The first date was awesome. He was still living in another state, but in the process of moving near where I live. He has a very hectic job, he is tasked with turning around a failing company, and is going to school for his MBA as well. So taking all of this into consideration, I was trying to be patient with him that our second date was 3 weeks after the first. Date 2 was wonderful, and then date 3 was again another month later. In between Date 2 and 3 he moved into town, and his daughter started college. On Date 3 we discussed if we were dating other people and he got quite upset that I was still dating others and come to find out he had taken down his online profile after date 2 and was seeing no one else. Date 4 finally happened about 2 weeks ago and we had a great time again, with him explaining how he is very unhappy with how busy he is and that he is working on freeing up time and that it will get better. During all this time I have only spoken to him on the phone a handfull of times, as he tells me it is much easier for him to send a text or email when he is in between his commmitments. I hear from him maybe once a week, and only after I initiate an email. I know I have to stop contacting him, but I am afraid he will forget about me. It is so wonderful when we are together and for the week after, but it seems that he looses steam after that first week. I really like him and am afraid I will loose any chance with him if I don't keep trying to make contact. I would apprciate any advice from those of you who have dated busy guys on how to make it work and fit in their schedule. Thanks!!
Sat Oct 10 2009 - 11:30 am
Hi Ollie,
Right now you can only state you are "meeting" up with a busy guy and remember this, no matter how busy he appears to be, he is the one that put his profile on a dating site which would indicate he is seeking someone to either share time with as he gets to know her better or he is just seeking sex, because of his schedule he cannot start a full blown relationship.
Right now you are chasing him and not waiting for him to contact you, when he does contact you first it shows he is interested in you and perhaps willing to rearrange his "busy" schedule to see you again, it is that simple.
Tis true understanding he is a busy man is great, but even busy men need to contact a woman first if he was really interested.
Sat Oct 10 2009 - 11:49 am
I had this experience, but I wasn't prepared to just wait around for him until he finds an opening in his busy schedule. We still see each other, but he is aware that I am seeing other men and the fact that he took his profile down after meeting me is not a strong enough argument for me to do the same. I don't think he has any right to demand exclusivity from me with the way things are.
I never contact him myself. If he doesn't call, he knows perfectly well I am not sitting at home waiting for his call.
I really don't think your guy has any right to be upset about you dating others. It's like he has made his reservation and will have you once it suits him.
It is very obvious you quite like this guy which makes it hard, but in my opinion being so accommodating to him is not going to work in your favour.
This is exactly the kind of situation where DWD guidelines will be very useful. Let him miss you, have a full life (with or without other men) and let him work a bit harder to keep YOU interested.
Sat Oct 10 2009 - 01:48 pm
I am with Wise on this one. He wants it both ways. He likes the security of having a gf and he doesn't want to put the time into one. He probably likes you but he is putting his job first.
Ok fine. But does he think you go into stasis between dates? He does not have the right to demand exclusivity from you after just a few dates. You have not spent anywhere near enough time together to make that decision.
Stand your ground, do not contact him and do not wait around for him. I wouldn't agree to stop seeing others until you do come to a mutual agreement in a way that satisfies you both
Sat Oct 10 2009 - 04:46 pm
Hey Ollie..this sounds like my situation with the new guy I met online...we haven't officially met in person but have been talking about about a 2-3 weeks....and he travels quite a bit for work too! When we do talk..he seems genuinely happy and excited to talk to me and we talk for hours...but about 40% of the time I am the first one to contact! I know I need to stop contacting him and I did, which prompted an email stating...hey I hope I haven't fun you away! Yes this is a hard one and I actually like a lot of things about him already (if all what he says about himself is true).
Sat Oct 10 2009 - 05:09 pm
When a man is into you, he is going to stay in touch. If you so readily agreed to be his girlfriend and he behaves this way now and you accept it, you are laying the groundwork to be taken for granted through out the remainder of your relationship. Distance yourself, pull back is what I would do. Being exclusive after 2 dates is a warning flag you might want to pay attention to.
Sat Oct 10 2009 - 07:33 pm
Robin...this is so funny to me...why is it that we women are looking for exclusivity and then when the man wants it too...its too early and its a warning flag? I mean, I want me and the guy I meet to be exclusive (meaning I don't want him to be dating anyone else on Friday and then me on Saturday)...I really want to see if we would work out and if not, then he can move on! LOL
Sun Oct 11 2009 - 12:06 pm
I think the problem is, if I understand it correctly is that he doesn't want her to date other people while he is busy with his work. He is in essence unavailable. They really haven't spent enough time together yet to determine if an exclusive relationship is what they both want. (from each other)
I have spent enough time with self absorbed actors, musicians and artists to know when he says "she needs to understand that my work comes first" that means I will always come second. Sometimes 10th. Sometimes I don't even make the cut.
If he is not free to be with her he should not be laying a claim to her time
Sat Oct 10 2009 - 08:38 pm
Thanks for all the responses! I know you are all right, and I need to put the DWD guidelines into action. I think you are right that this is not the way I would want a relationship to be, so I have to change it now. I have been trying to meet other people, but my heart has not really been in it. I am going to stop contacting him and see where it goes, but in the mean time try and meet others with an open mind. I guess that my excuses for him are that he is busy with good reason, but how hard can it be to find a couple of hours a week... Thanks again for the advice!
Sat Oct 10 2009 - 10:59 pm
I understand thatababe...it is early to stake a claim on someone but just from reading the threads on here...most of us want someone who is so into us that they take their profile down and want to just be with us!
Sat Oct 10 2009 - 11:04 pm
Oh man!!!
How are you in an exclusive relationship with someone who can only make time for you twice a month?! I don't care how busy he is, that is just ridiculous! Just know that realistically he will never be less busy or at least not in the neat future and I really can't think that 4 dates have made you think that he is worth being exclusive with when you only get to see him twice a month... You need more love than that giiirl!!! Or at least I do. lol
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