Hi Catwoman,

I think u're too concerned abt him that's y u feel insecure when u cant meet him.
Maybe he is too busy that's y he has no time to meet u during a weekend.

Try to focus on others things make yourself busy or meet some of your close friends during a weekend for a party or whatever and don't make a call till he call u.
If u keep on call him at this time, he might feel pressure for seeing u again or he might think u r not understanding since he told u he will have his son with him.

If u ignore him, very soon he will come back to u.

Thanks for your comment UniqueJ. Thing is though ...I have NEVER chased him (he makes all the calls - I dont call him - as per DWD).
But I do absolutely agree with you - I will ignore him and see what happens so thanks for that advice.

I definitely have NOT put pressure on him at all. When he said we wont see each other this week I didnt rant and rave -I just said ok we will catch up next week then. I understand re his son and his work but in the past this hasnt stopped us seeing each other - so I am just confused because it is such a big departure from the way we were before he went away.

PS: The reason we dont do weekends is my choice - I dont want to see him on weekends...I am too busy because I play golf and I go visit my friends. I have a pretty busy life actually and am wondering if maybe it is HIM who is insecure? Or maybe I have scared him away because I am too busy and he feels that I dont have time to fit him into my busy life?

CatWoman totally get where your coming from is so frustrating I have had a similar situation where time was limited he worked and lived in Kent but before that lived near and it was great.

We called or txt everyday but suddenly it changed, I knew he was busy but my insecurities got the better of me. I think is really difficult long distance makes the effort more and to be honest maybe too much (do you know what I mean!?!)

I never really put pressure on my guy and was supportive of his committments but he still wanted more guy time he wanted to control when we saw each other and resented me making arrangements, he would make promises and not keep them. And I got so frustrated I lost all confidence in myself to be attractive and became a different person it is so distructive that in the end although put across my side without emotion I had lost what attracted him to me in the first place.

I get the sense that this is what he is doing so you are totally right about going into neutral backing away, letting him come back to you I wish I had...you seem to have such a busy life yourself remember you are a great, fantastic person and he is lucky to have you in his life, so concentrate on that and ask yourself is the long distance thing working for you ... in my really honest moments I am not sure it was working for me having so little time with someone and not knowing when that time would be.

Good luck keep accessing the site and book it will help loads!!!

x

hmmm. keeping looking! If he ever decides that he HAS the time, perhaps you MAY have the time too.

Catwoman,

I know u nvr chasing him.

Relationship is like an escapade, when we want to keep distance from the guy, he come close to us, but when we start to want more, they run away...

DWD is good, but sometime i was thinking different people different type of character so we can exactly deal with them the same way.

Some might like to maintain a lukewarm relationship, so sometime they come close to you but sometime they dont.

But some of the guy they need love, they need some girl to show them their emotion first before they reveal their inner feeling about us.

It's good u have a beautiful busy life and believe me, guys like those girl who have their own life instead of being clinging to them.
Most of my male friends told me that they like the girl who are very confidence of themself and always know what they want.

U know him better than anyone who give u comment here.
Ask yourself what make u addicted to him and what's his nature so that u will clear your mind does he want to keep distance with u or maybe just have no time to meet u at the moment.

I know u already have an answer for yourself...

p.s im a chinese girl so my point of view might be different from your culture but i know u will find your way to deal with it.

Cheers...

CatWoman,

I'm for sure no expert on dating but one thing that stuck out to me when I was reading your situation was

a part from DWD. I was trying to find it so that I could quote it exactly but all of it is downloaded in my

other computer and it isn't working. But anyway you could try and find it, but it talks about how a guy

also needs to know that your time is precious as well. You don't get on his case and "chide" him as

you have explained, but you just let him know that "hey if we aren't going to be doing this together let

me know so that I can go and make other plans. You want to play it cool but not so cool that he feels

like he can walk all over you. And he won't be intentionaly doing it he just thinks ok she is ok with

whatever. Paige explains it so much better in the book. I wish that I could just tell you the page.

She gave some examples as well.

He I'm sure knows that you like him. So backing off and waiting (which is like torment to do) will let

you see if he is going to keep it going.

There is also another part in the book that talks exactly about what is happening to you. How it is

going along fine and then he starts to back off. Paige gives some advice on what to do. I'm sorry I

don't have the pages. I will try and find them.

HOpe this helps. Keep on trucking. Keep us posted

Oh wow...Infinity (and UniqueJ) you are so right. I think maybe I AM being a little TOO cool..... and also maybe he thinks that because I never complain or argue that he can just muck me around like this and I wont mind. He is rather a wonderful guy and I had thought he was sensitive and feeling so what hurts is thinking that he might be deliberately doing this to hurt me - but you just made me see that he might not realise he is hurting me

I have never ever communicated anything else to him re the mucking me about .....I am always scared that I will come over as being "whiny" - but yeah....he is using me as a doormat but shame on me for letting him.

Also, I have also never really let on how I feel about him - again because I am too scared that I will frighten him away. When he was away on holidays he asked me if I was missing him and I said I wasnt (I tried it with a laugh in my voice - but maybe he takes that the wrong way?)

So you are all so right....and of course Paige....I think I need to go re-read the book. Thank you so much guys ....I will keep you posted on how things turn out. He is supposed to be coming up next week and I was in knots over how to handle it.... I need to read DWD again before I see him next.

PS: Another factor in all of this of course is that I have been ranting on to a friend about all of this and my friend was the one who suggested my guy might have found someone else and then the little green eyed monster came out and ....well I got pretty upset. So thanks again everyone ...I feel a lot calmer today and hopefully things will turn out well xxxx

HI CatWoman,

I was able to find the pages that I was thinking about. I hope that this will help you. Pg 77, 115 to where

ever you feel like reading. 164 and 172. (*172 especially) It talks about ultimatums but the main reason

that I think it would be good for you is that it talks about how to let a guy know what it is you are

feeling and wanting without saying it is my wåy or the highway. I don't know exactly where you guys

are in the relationship but I hope that this info will help. I think there comes a time where we do have

to let them know what we are wanting and expecting. It is hard to know when this point is.

I hope this will help you before you see him again and I hope that you two will have a fabulous time.

Also try to do what the one page talks about dating other guys. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

This is way hard for me because when I like someone it is hard for me to like someone else. But I'm

learning why it is important.

Until later, Have a great weekend

One thing I have recently learned is that men actually like it when a woman stands her ground and can be decisive, it takes some of the pressure off of them, and they respect her for caring about herself.

Thanks guys.... Infinity - I will read those pages before I see him at the end of this week and yes Darlin NYY I am taking on board what you say too. I have a lot of stuff going down at work this week so I dont have time to obsess too much about what will happen ....but one thing you all might be interested in ....I did ignore him and guess what - he has been calling me more frequently.

One other thing though that you might all be able to give input on - he said that we will have all night Thursday and all day Friday together (he will fy back Friday).

The problem is that in the past, taking a day off from work wasnt an issue. But things have changed since he has been away and I am not sure I can get time off any more like I used to - and if I do it without approval I could get into trouble. Do you think I should tell him this before he gets here? I could maybe get away with just working the Friday morning and we will have the afternoon together. I was going to tell him this news when I picked him up at the airport on Thursday night.

I know I know ....and Darlin NYY will pick me up on this ...LOL :-)....I should be FIRM and I should have said straight away that I cant do all day Friday but I just didnt think at the time.

It sounds to me like a case of 'man cave'. Sometimes big life events...and even just a big trip away, can make you re-evaluate your whole life....was this a work or a fun trip he went on? Whatever the case, sounds like he's just taking a step back and the best thing you can do, is let him do it. Don't panic or try to force him closer to you in any way....just let him do what he needs to do....and give it time and you might be surprised that he comes springing right back. :-)

hey, you know me better than I do! LOL!!! You are very smart, unlike me who has trouble adding 1+1 sometimes. ;) Thanks for your neat remarks (warm smile). I just think fate is taking over and that's why you won't be so available for him this time and maybe...just maybe it'll give him a little something to think about, hmmmm.

Hahaha Darlin NYY. You are funny. Charlotte - I think the "man cave" scenario is spot on - it was a holiday [ie not work] that he went on and he did need to re-evaluate but - get this - it was partly because I was not reciprocating his feelings!!!! He said that [he thinks] a relationship shouldnt be all one sided and two people in a relationship should both feel the same for each other.

Hi Guys....I just thought you might all like an update on my situation ....and before I start a HUGE big thanks to all of you who replied to my post xxxxx. You are all wonderful caring people and thank you for taking the time to comment.

Anyway, the situation is that we TALKED....we communicated and I told him how his actions had made me feel and he was AMAZED that I had felt that way - he had not thought at all that he had been hurting me. So now we have opened the communication channels and we just spent the most amazing weekend together (YES...a weekend ....well I decided the golf can take second place for once).

Once again thank you all of you xxx

I played golf for the first time (Tiger, don't worry)! It was fun. Glad your plan worked for you!!!!!!

CatWoman--I think part of the purpose of DWD is to give the guy the distance and space he needs to fall in love, but he will still need encouragement along the way. When he asked you if you missed him, he probably wanted to tell you he missed you but was afraid to. So he (childishly, but whatever!) put it on you to say it first so he didn't have to. When you told him you didn't miss him, it probably hurt him and rather than tell you that he did things like cancel plans to see you, etc.

I think there's a fine line between having your own life/being slightly aloof for him and coming across as cold/uninterested. I always have a hard time with this one.

I think it's great that you told him straight up directly how his actions made you feel, rather than having angry knee-jerk reactions every time he would cancel or postpone. Congrats on making the right move. Keep on keepin' on with your golf and friends and busy life.

funny thing, re: apost of mine up above where I mentioned how men like a woman to stand her ground...this is too weird (never happened to me before) the guy I've been in touch with for a couple months told me some things he likes about me...

1) I have things to say
2) I am not afraid to speak what's on my mind
3) I stand my ground!!!! (new me, for sure)
4) I'm pleasant to talk to

These things have never ever been said to me before by a man (except #4) and this is showing me how I have grown from all you women and Paige of course!! sigh, wish i had this access thirty years ago.. I have it now!! Cat woman, I am thrilled for you. Never stop being Annie Oakley!! lol!

Darlin NYY - you have changed your name!!! Had me confused there for a while. Love your comments as always :-)

Thank you TinyDancer2009 for your comment especially "I think there's a fine line between having your own life/being slightly aloof for him and coming across as cold/uninterested"....this is sooooo true. I think maybe I have been playing too hard to get but ..boy what a tightrope to walk.

Anyway, I go off on my own holiday next week (Europe and Middle East) so be interesting to see if he misses me....I will keep you all posted and thanks again everyone for all your help and advice

Have a safe and wonderful trip!!

Hi All..I am back from my tripping around Europe. Not sure if he missed me though. Have seen him a couple of times since I got back (most recently last week) and I thought all was ok but now it has been 5 days since we last spoke. Should I be worried?