CONFESSIONS OF A PLAYER - A ONE ACT PLAY - A guy explains to me why he stood me up on a date

So I'm back for just a moment, only to share with you the most fascinating conversation I had with the man who stood me up for a date last week, yet continued to contact me afterwards like nothing happened.

***Please understand when you read the conversation that I had and still have no intentions of seeing him again. And he expressed to me on our 2nd date that he has always had trouble with women, that they never see him as anything long-term, and only "use him for sex." Hence, I felt the need to educate him a bit if only to save some woman in the future a bit of heartache from this loser.***

QUICK BACKGROUND IF YOU DON'T KNOW (otherwise feel free to skip to Conversation part):

Talked with a guy online throughout Christmas holidays. Met in person start of January. Been spending time together for a month. Fantastic chemistry and attraction, but he has been inconsistent, despite telling me how "much he liked me." Intense dates with lots of flattery and attention but then no call for 7 days afterwards, that sort of thing. Very touchy-feely from the get-go, lots of sexual innuendo not long after. Went far with him the 2nd date (I know, shouldn't have), but no sex. Last date we had, he showed up late with no plan of where to take us; only suggested a local bar (I had told him several times I don't drink.) I declined, we ended up getting ice cream, having fun, kissed a bit and that's it.

Next day he texted me all day, wanted to take me out for a day trip--we both mentioned enjoying blackjack and slots so he suggested a day trip to the casino--unorthodox I know but sounded fun. He suggested we meet on Sunday, and texted me all week with ideas of where to go, what to wear, etc. I realized on Saturday afternoon I had not heard from him him exactly where or when we were meeting. I texted him, he gave me a name of a casino, I asked where it was. No response. No response for 8 hours, until the texted me at 11pm the name of the city it's in. No time, no arrangements of how to get there. In that 8 hours I figured I was being stood up, made arrangements for other plans for Sunday and I did not respond to his text, figuring if he really wanted to see me, he would call in the morning. I also saw that in that 8 hours that he ignored my text, he had been on the dating site we met on.

Sunday came and went, no word from him, did not hear from him until Tuesday. Text: "Sad about the casino. Let's try again real soon." I replied to him with a (somewhat long) text explaining how I could see he was not serious about me, was clearly only after one thing, and although he claimed to want a long-term girlfriend, his actions did not match his words, hoping he would go away and leave me alone.

He replied with, "Whoa. That's surprising."

I did not reply. Two days later he called me to talk about the text. I did not call him back (way done by this point). Two days later he sent me 3 long text messages saying that he doesn't understand what happened, that's he's so hurt, he's confused by MY behavior, that he wishes me good luck on my search and doesn't understand why I didn't see better qualities in him.

Finally I decided I needed to call him and formally end it. He was not getting the picture. Plus curiosity got the better of me and I had to hear his rationalization of why he stood me up.

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CONVERSATION:

Him: So, what went wrong here?

Me: (calmly) Um, you stood me up for our date on Sunday.

Him: (angry) Wow, there's some venom.

Me: Excuse me? You stood me up for our date. And you continue to contact me like nothing happened. It doesn't make any sense.

Him: Um, I didn't think we had a date for Sunday.

Me: (laughing) Um, you asked me to go to the casino with you on Sunday. You even asked me what time I needed to be at work that night to make sure we had enough time to make it there and back. You also texted me all week about what clothes to wear, and suggestions of where we were going. How can you say we didn't have a date?

Him: (long 30 second silence)

Me: (impatient sigh)

Him: See, I wasn't serious about it being a date. It was more like, fantasy, speculation...

Me: What part about you texting me "How about we go this Sunday?" and my accepting, is fantasy? And you texting me all week about it?

Him: Um, I didn't think that constituted a date.

Me: Then, if I made all these plans up about the casino and it was just "fantasy" then how come you texted me three days later "Sad about the casino. Let's try again real soon." ?

Him: (long 30 second silence)

Me: (laughing) I'm not stupid.

Him: I don't think you're stupid. You're upset. And what's all this about my only being after sex?

Me: Look, I'm a woman on my own here in L.A. I have to look out for myself. When I date men, they usually fall into 2 categories. Only looking for sex, or looking for something real. It's almost impossible sometimes to tell the two apart. In my experience in this city, I'd say 80% of men who ask me out are only after a good time.

Him: I think everyone, men and women, are after a good time, I mean wouldn't everyone want to have a good time...

Me: SEX! I mean only after sex!

Him: Oh.

Me: So what I have to do in the beginning, is sit back, and see what a man's about by his actions. Men who have been truly interested in something real generally take me out places, make plans for our dates, maintain consistent contact by phone as well as text, make plans for the near future, show interest in what I do, etc. Men who are only after sex make a lot of sexual comments, disappear for a week or more on end, only text message and never call, show up late without calling, have no plans and only want to do things where drinking is involved, and stand you up for dates. And by your actions, I can see that you are not serious about me.

Him: That's not true. And by your logic, I would say that if 80% of men here are only after sex, I'd say from my stance that 80% of women don't deserve a relationship.

Me: Excuse me? Don't deserve? I don't understand what you're saying. I don't follow.

Him: (mumbles some incomprehensible stuff that I can't make out)

Me: You're not that interested in me! If you were interested in seeing me, you would have called to confirm the date. You would have made sure you were going to see me again. You would not lead me on all week with a B.S. "fantasy" date that you had no intention of going on.

Him: Sue me for having to work.

Me: So you knew you had to work, and instead of just telling me that, you texted me every day making me think I had plans all day on Sunday, only to ignore me on Saturday when I asked where we were going, and then bail on me on Sunday.

Him: (hint of excitement in his voice) You're really upset about this.

Me: No. I just don't like being stood up for dates. And I'm irritated that I have to explain all of this to you. If there were a girl you were REALLY interested in as you have claimed you are with me...

Him: I am.

Me: ...would you take a full 7 days to call her? Would you stand her up on a date? Think about it.

Him: Well, clearly, I would. I often take a week or even way more to contact a girl I'm interested in.

Me: If you ask any woman on the planet, if you're taking way over a week to call her, she is going to feel that you are not that interested.

Him: I disagree. I have a lot of female friends. I can't wait to ask them about this. But, why can't it all be flipped over to the other gender? You didn't call me for 7 days.

Me: Yeah. So?

Him: Everything you've heard about guys wanting to chase girls is all hype. Guys really want girls to call them. I would love it if girls would call me and ask me out. Don't believe the hype.

Me: Really. So you would love it if I called you all the time, and texted you all day, and planned out dates and asked you on them.

Him: Yes. I would love girls to make the first move, and plan out dates, and ask me out.

Me: I'm not gonna do that. I already explained this to you. I have to observe your actions to see whether you are just f'ing around or if you are serious. How can I do that if I'm the one calling you all the time? How would I possibly know if you are interested in me or just getting in my pants if I do all the work, huh? I can plainly see that you're not serious by the way that you treat me.

Him: By your logic, can't I sit back and do the same thing to you? Can't I see if you're just f'ing around?

Me: Most women aren't out for only sex. Most women are looking for a real relationship. So the same rules don't necessarily apply.

Him: So you women get to sit in your throne of judgement and guys have to go and throw themselves at the mercy of your court?

Me: No! I'm not expecting men to do some dog and pony show for me. It's very simple: if he's interested, he'll call. If he isn't, he won't. End of story.

Him: Well, congratulations, I called!

Me: Yeah. And even though you called later than most guys who were "SO INTO" me would call, I agreed to go out with you again, didn't I?

Him: Yes.

Me: And then you said you would take me out, and showed up at my house a half hour late with no call and no plan, asked me to go to a bar even though I don't drink, and then when we were at ice cream you suggested we "go watch a movie at my place." Hmm. Then you stand me up for our 4th date. I think that you are out there seeing several girls at once, and all the other girls you are seeing dumped you, and you came back around for me as a last resort when you could see you weren't gonna get any from anywhere else.

Him: (long 60 second silence)
(Then,) Well, I can see we have a difference of opinion on how dating works.

Me: I guess so. I really don't know what else to even say.

Him: Well, for the record, I did like you, and I was interested in you.

Me: Well, I don't really know what else to say. I guess we're just different.

Him: Yeah, well take care.

Me: You too.

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Now, I'm not upset about not seeing him again, and now that I just wrote this I'm laughing as I write it because it's so ridiculous. I wanted to see how he would react to the DWD stuff, and see how lazy he really is. Boy, did I ever get my answer. The only thing that really hurts is that once I caught him so plainly in his lies, he still had the gall to continue to lie and then turn it around like it was my fault. A true manipulator. It's hurtful to listen to someone justify why it's okay to treat you like crap. Pretty glad I'm taking a break from dating...I feel stupid for letting chemistry blind me but boy did I ever learn a valuable life lesson.

And I'm proud of myself for standing up and actually verbalizing how I expect to be treated for once.

I need to write this stuff out and publish it...;)