If you are that afraid... maybe that's your instincts signaling you to hold off until you are absolutely certain. That is a huge move and both need to be unequivocally sure otherwise it could ruin a perfectly good relationship. If you find you are having questions about the move discuss all your concerns with him, he might be having some too. You wouldn't want to live together just for financial reasons or just to make his life easier either. You better have a talk soon...hold off until you are completely (like I don't want to live without him )sure!!

I never believed in the whole shacking up situation but I have seen people who lived together eventually did get married.

I just think many people (mainly women) though naively believe living in will naturally lead to marriage but the reality is most men don't think it will lead to marriage and I think it shows how non-commital people can be. People decide to live together to see if the relationship has legs and if it doesn't work out, they bail but if you are married then you may tough it out.

I've done some research on cohabitation and it's not as great as people think it is (although there are cases where people end up getting married)

how old are you and what do you want?
I think if you just want to live together, go for it but at least be realistic it may not lead to marriage.

I personally want marriage so I won't move in with a man unless we are engaged. I am not willing to make such a leap with my heart.

NYuwsgirl

I say go for it. If you are in love with this guy and he loves you, try it out and see how it works. If marriage is something that you want with this guy, test it out. You really don't know someone until you live with them. I know the other girls think it will not lead to marriage, but I think the divorce rate is so high because women and men really don't know what they are getting into.

If you both agree to map out the future it should be good. Live together for 6 months then visit the marriage thing, if that is what you want.

I think I know what you mean when you say cold feet. I have been single for 17 years, (mostly my choice). Now I 'm in a relationship with this great guy and he wants marriage. We went to the mall just doing a little shopping, and he said lets go in Tiffany s to see what kind of ring you like. I put those rings on and had hives for 2 days. My sister said that was a sign that I shouldn't do it. But like I said I have been single for 17 years, I know those signs. This is different, It not about him it is about me. He thought the hive thing was funny, and said he would give me a year, then I will just have to take benadryl everyday.

Trust you instincts and be happy.

thank you all for your advice!
I guess i didn't state my question correctly.
Funnyone- I know that he wants to marry me, I am the one who suggested living together first...
I have a history of getting 'bored' with guys and then breaking off whatever we had. And I was getting a tiny bit of that feeling when we were discussing finances, doing chores, etc.
I was engaged to my ex for 2 years and in the end, after I realized I didn't love him anyome, I had a really hard time breaking off the engagement.
This is why I want to live with my BF first before getting married.
BUT, my question is, how do you know if he's THE ONE? How do you know that I will not repeat this process over and over again?
I know that love is your choice and making an effort everyday to be in love with that person..
but it's just that this living together/marriage takes the romance out of it (a little)
Is it too much to ask if I want to be madly in love with my BF/husband for the rest of my life?

Hi NYuwsgirl

The one thing I did notice about your post is that you don't say anywhere that you love your bf. You mention that he's perfect boyfriend material - but are you trying to force yourself to have feelings for him.

To know whether he's The One or not is very difficult to describe, it's a gut feeling. For me, it's the fact that I feel warm inside at the thought of going home to my man. I never had that total 'thunder and lightening' passion thing with him BUT I am
attracted to him and feel this sort of warm glow inside. I moved in with him fairly recently and have to admit that the boring old chores etc. do take the romance out of the situation - I have my 'is that it' moments. But these are very very fleeting.

A friend recently said something that stuck in my mind: Being in love is not being able to live with someone, it's not being able to live without them. The way I 'test' is this. Supposing you won the lotto BUT, the condition of getting your millions was that you could not be with him. Which would you choose?

wow that is a really good way of testing the relationship!
i suppose if i won the lotto and couldn't spend the $$ with him, i don't think i want the money..
i do have the warm glow when i'm with him and do love him. but getting used to the mundane things is.. well, not romantic.
i guess that's the whole thing about settling down with that one person and not looking back.
i do want to try this out, if worse comes to worst, i can just move out!
UK skater - thank you for suggesting that 'test'! that makes things more clear

Your feelings are pretty normal I'd say. He might also be going through the same sort of feelings. Talk to him!

The thing I would just raise as a possible red flag here is you say you have a history of getting bored in the relationship. It might pay to really dig deep here to check out your own feelings about commitment.

Yes, it can be scary committing! It can be hard to be open and sometimes you feel wierd about the very fact, you have to be present in the relationship and therefore vulnerable. This can be especially hard if you've been hurt in the past.

Wishing you well though!

"..... but getting used to the mundane things is.. well, not romantic."

I think this is a big reason we need to do what it takes to keep "ourselves" content. Having your own interests and girlfriends and activities, etc. will keep you in a position of not needing him to fulfill your life, but compliment your life.

Romance will fade, that's only natural.

Weekly dates, not just going to movies and dinner together, but actually doing fun things together like when you first dated, museums, bowling, hiking, etc. will help your relationship as you will be focused on each other during those dates.

On the other hand, darlin, sometimes you just have to get out of your comfort zone - to be someone you've never been before is to do something you've never done before.

The question is: Does this feel like love... are you happy with this man?

Auds xoxox

thank you everyone for you support!
I finished moving in last week and everything seems to be going fine.
He even sent me flowers to my office to celebrate me moving in! I think he really migth be the one...
one thing that I find particularly different from any other guys that I've been with- he LISTENS to me and when there's something I don't like, he doesn't do it again! He remembers what I say and pays attention to my feelings.
I used to think the perfect husband type= #1 career, success #2 personality. Boy, was I wrong!
After hitting the wall over and over again, I finally met this guy who made things SO CLEAR to me.
The best thing is, even if he doesn't end up to be THE ONE, now I know what to look for in a guy and what is really important to me.