Closure After No Contact - I was so wrong - I feel bad 4 him
Tue Nov 03 2009 - 03:24 pm
Hello Ladies,
I dated a guy for over two months. I thought it was blossoming into a relationship. I never discussed my feelings nor his. Finally after after a couple of months we ended up in bed (1 night only). It was great but I played it cool and held on to my emotions. I could sense him pulling away but kept my cool.
Then the melt down started to take place. Days later, a friend of his, told him that I emailing him on the DD website when I was seeing him. This was totally untrue (I have posted about this under another topic) and was he still dating me. This was a pack of lies. (do not know who it was and my x would not tell me or I would have had it out with him)I went into no contact mode. He appeared to have dumped me.
It killed me no knowing and having being left like that. I thought he was lovely.
Finally after 8 days, my son (9) accidently, got locked in the flat and he was scared, crying and called him. (His number was on the kitchen wall. I genuinely forgot it was there). He helped my son out (I did not speak or see him) and after 3 days (thought that was a long enough space), I texted him to thank him for comforting my son over the phone. He amswered immediately.
He appeared to be very upset. His mother had been diagnosed with a brain tumor, he had spent most of the time that week at the hospital etc.,she has been giving weeks to live but the doctors are trying radio therapy. He was in bits. No, I didn't have 'the talk', I didn't call him. I mend no mention of 'us' and offered words of comfort and support by text. I have not called him but my texts have been sympathetic and told him if he needs to talk, I am a good listener.
I am back in NC mode., but have closure. The ice is now broken.
What a horrible shock. How terrible. I feel bad for doubting him these last 10 days, but I will now back off and give him the space and time he needs with is family.They are moving his mother to another hospital. I doubt that I will hear from him again and I fully understand why. If he needs me, he knows I am here to support him. There is nothing more that I can do. The timing is terrible, but that is life.
I never saw that coming. What a shock. Poor Alan. I feel for him but will back off and go into NC mode. Our little squabble seems insignificant but I have closure.
Wed Nov 04 2009 - 12:42 pm
#2
Thanks Audrey for your comments.
I am not too sure if I did the right thing, but in retrospect, I handled the whole episode perfectly. I think If I had let my feelings show more to him, he would feel now very compromised and I would have felt terribly awkward. I am pleased I played it cool after our last (and only) night together in bed. Gave him some distance.
You know, us women spend alot of time (on this website)seeing the worse in men, to defend out hurt, humilation and pain. I am also guilty of this. But sometimes, just sometimes, we are wrong. Very wrong, and there is very justified and understandable reason why he did not call.
I feel pretty bad actually, thought it was all about my hurt, him not communicating and my pain.
All the time, I was wrong. He just simply did not communicate his pain to me. I understand fully. He is shy and keeps alot inside. I guess I will not hear from him again. I so want to put my arms around him and comfort him. Can't go there. But he knows where I am., and that is all I can offer him. That and a good ear for listening.
Thanks for the comment.
Wed Nov 04 2009 - 12:43 pm
#3
Thanks Audrey for your comments.
I am not too sure if I did the right thing, but in retrospect, I handled the whole episode perfectly. I think If I had let my feelings show more to him, he would feel now very compromised and I would have felt terribly awkward. I am pleased I played it cool after our last (and only) night together in bed. Gave him some distance.
You know, us women spend alot of time (on this website)seeing the worse in men, to defend out hurt, humilation and pain. I am also guilty of this. But sometimes, just sometimes, we are wrong. Very wrong, and there is very justified and understandable reason why he did not call.
I feel pretty bad actually, thought it was all about my hurt, him not communicating and my pain.
All the time, I was wrong. He just simply did not communicate. He is shy and keeps alot inside. I guess I will not hear from him again. I so want to put my arms around him and comfort him. Can't go there. But he knows where I am., and that is all I can offer him. That and a good ear for listening.
Thanks for the comment.
Tue Nov 10 2009 - 04:28 pm
#4
Hi there,
Just a quick update. Still in no Contact mode, and feeling strong. It is day 8. Trying to move on. I am doing OK though.
Miss him less - Think of him too much.
Wed Nov 11 2009 - 09:26 am
#5
Daisy, if you truly love this man then you need to give him the space, that alone time, because he NEEDS it and has requested it from you.
If you love him then honor his request and know that you are doing this for him:)
Auds
xoxox
Wed Nov 11 2009 - 03:20 pm
#6
Hi Auds,
Yes, you are right. I am giving him space and distance and I am trying to move on. If he wants me he will come back right?
But I have this feeling inside, that he won't and it makes me feel
gross.
I mean, what can I say? I am doing everything right, so why do I miss him so?
Daisey
WOW, Daisy! You did the right thing. You see how insignificant that "pack of lies" is right now. He is going through a really tough time and he certainly needs his space.
Don't contact him again. Many men that I know would rather be alone during a tragic time like this. He knows where to reach you.
When I was going through it with my father back in 2001. One minute, I felt that no one was calling and the next minute I felt that there were too many calls. That's why I say DON'T call.
I feel sorry for Alan and anyone else that has to go through this but as you said, THAT'S LIFE.
Auds
xoxox