Can't get him off my mind
Fri Nov 06 2009 - 03:26 pm
I know that I shouldn't be thinking of him or even wanting him back, but for some reason I do. We were together for four months ( i know, not long enough to be missing him this long), but in those four months I felt like I had found Mr. Right. I can feel it in my heart that he is the one for me. We enjoyed spending time together, we had fun, we felt comfortable around each other and we never argued. He was the first person to believe in me. He thought I could do anything I wanted to do. He made me believe in myself. We would spend about three or four nights together. During that time, we would watch tv, talk, laugh, share a meal, etc. Everything seemed fine, until it wasn't. He started to drift away. I finally confronted him because I knew what was coming and wasn't going to just sit around and wait. We had our talk and he told me that he had tried really hard to have stronger feelings for me. He had tried to make himself love me, but he couldn't. He said that he had felt love before and what he felt for me isn't what he thought it should feel like. He said that he could see himself with me, but he didn't think it was enough. He thought he should feel more and he said that he had tried to do so, but couldn't.
He told me that I had made him feel like nobody else ever had. I was everything he was looking for and he was happy with me.
I dont understand. How is that not enough? Why am I not enough?
Recently, I found out that he is with someone new. They have been together less time than we were and she already has the title of girlfriend. Between them there is a bigger age difference, and she is basically everything he said that he doesn't like. It makes no sense. This girl that is everything that he supposedly doesn't like or find attractive is worthy of being his girlfriend, but me, the one he said was everything he had looked for, isn't good enough.
I want to understand this so I can possibly move on.
We have been apart for about four months now, but I have to pass his house every day that I go to work. I often pass him or see him out, and everytime I do my heart drops and I go right back to day one. I feel in my heart that he is the one for me.
I know that I need to get over this and move on, but I don't know how. I want to understand the situation. How can something so good just be over.
Help me Understand.
Fri Nov 06 2009 - 06:24 pm
It is just one of those weird things where you have to accept that you will never fully understand and simply choose to let go. A lot of us (me included) have been there and there is no answer! Accept it and move on. It is incredibly hard, but what choice do you have?
Fri Nov 06 2009 - 06:37 pm
AM-
An ex said that very thing to me once..... It hurt like hell. We were only dating 2 months, and my reaction was actually, WTF!!!! Why would you love me in 2 months time? You don't even KNOW me. Of COURSE you don't love me - you need time to love someone. Anyway, he left, and he was dating someone else right away as well. I thought we were perfect for each other and was crushed... Well, guess what happened....
About a year after he dumped me he called. He wanted to see me. He said dumping me was the biggest mistake he had ever made. At the time I was dating someone else, so I said, well, let's talk from time to time, but I don't want to see you as I'm involved... So maybe a year later I was free, and he happened to write to me again at that time, and I said, ah, what the heck. So we went out. And guess what. I realized I had no idea why I was so attracted to him the first time. We had that one date and I said I was not interested in anything further.
So..... who knows what is going on in his mind. But no matter what he is, or is not, thinking about, the timing was wrong for you guys, and you need to focus on yourself, and move on. You want someone who DOES love you without question! You want someone who shares your love, and doesn't throw it away. It's his loss that he had all that love from YOU and now he does not. So clear your mind of him, focus on other things and in time you will feel much better and may even wonder why you liked him.... I know you can't imagine that now, but time apart will help you see him more objectively.....
Fri Nov 06 2009 - 06:40 pm
My boyfriend of 20 months have been apart over 2 months now. I know how you feel. All was going well then it collapsed with no answers that make sense (anyway). I have not heard from my ex and that shocks and hurts me even more.
Force yourself to date other people. It's good therapy.
Fri Nov 06 2009 - 07:04 pm
I guess it doesn't matter how long you've been with the person who suddenly walks f/ your life. It doesn't hurt any less. Mine was 6+ years. We had a great relationship f/ the most part...whatever. It's been just over 4 week w/ no contact. He emailed me the beginning of this week and said he wants to talk...just not yet..and if I didn't want to, then that's okay too..be still my hear! I was missing him today..guess cause it's the weekend..but I've already decided to leave the relationship in a place of light and love where I had found it and focus on myself. I already decided to give myself 6mos. before I start dating again. I need at least that much time to get back on track..I know I'm worth it. If he doesn't, that's his problem, not mine. It doesn't make it hurt any less..but that's reality. I have a wide range of interests and I don't have time to be bored...As a matter of fact I'll be leaving shortly for a weekend in the mountains with a group of close friends who I've known f/ over 20 years (I'm 47). The best thing you can do is make a conscious decision to "Let it be"..detach with love knowing that YOU loved and you loved well! (It may take a while for your heart and feelings to catch up..but eventually they'll align w/ your head). Part of the beauty and the irony of being a woman is that we usually lead with our hearts. Conversely, men lead with their heads...just how it is..
Sat Nov 07 2009 - 08:22 am
SMERK, you said it WELL:)
The best thing you can do is make a conscious decision to "Let it be"..detach with love knowing that YOU loved and you loved well! (It may take a while for your heart and feelings to catch up..but eventually they'll align w/ your head).
Part of the beauty and the irony of being a woman is that we usually lead with our hearts. Conversely, men lead with their heads...just how it is...
------------
Detach WITH LOVE knowing that YOU loved well. Period.
YES, I DID.
Thanks, SMERK.
Auds
xoxox
Fri Jan 08 2010 - 11:14 am
Thanks for all the advice. You know its hard i'm not going to lie, but i'm at that point that I know he was special and probably always will be but I'm not the one that messed it up----he did. I know that I did love with all my heart and it's not my fault that he didn't accept that or want that.
Sat Jan 09 2010 - 09:16 pm
Hi AM809037
I completely understand what you're going through. (You can read my story under "Understanding Men / Confused - Good Break-Up"). The hardest thing to do is sometimes the very best thing you should do and that's "Let Go Right Now." He'll return if it's meant to be. If not, you loved and will continue to love again.
LYNN
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
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