I understand your need to vent.

What kind of guy DO you find interesting?

I have been single for over 10 years now, and the older I get the harder it is to find attractive interesting men that are not chasing women half their age.

The trouble with nice is that "nice" can be boring. I prefer to say I am looking for a decent human being who has a high degree of personal integrity, ethics level and an edgy sense of humor.

Try writing down what you want--and what you don't want. That way you don't waste time with "nice" guys with whom you have no chemistry.

I think you hit the mark, 'nice' is very boring. And I think women want a little chase sometimes too. And then you have to throw in the attraction thing, and most guys that fit the mold are chasing younger woment or taken. I know what I want and don't want, the trouble is finding it. And when I do, they seem to pull the disappearing act just when I let my guard down and relax. I think this website is dead on with the availability thing. I just hate having to play games all the time!

There are games and games. Of course heady mind games that involve manipulation and misrepresentation to get what you want are not only exhausting but downright stupid. And rarely get you anywhere fast. However, courtship is a dance and timing is everything.

Have you taken a good look at what you are doing that may be contributing the men's vanishing act? Sleeping with him too soon? Clingy behavior, too high expectations too soon? Settling for someone you have no chemistry with?

Etc Etc...?

What does 'nice is boring' really mean? I have never really understood it. If nice means sensitive, considerate, kind, generous, attentive, affectionate, positive, fun, funny, honest, responsible, faithful, reliable, I really don't think there is anything boring about it. Or am I missing something? Is 'nice' a secret code for something else?

I don't think nice is boring. And boring certainly isn't nice at all.

Are attracting the players rather than the keepers and maybe because the "chemistry" dismissing guys??? The chemistry bit for me takes time...

The important thing is not to blame you or who you are, I hope you have lots of other things going on which will occupy you, satisfy you and fulfil your life then ultimately you will find someone to fit into your life rather than molding yourself into theres too quickly.

Would be really interested to know what type of guys you are attracted too??

good luck though and dont give up or become jaded I have been through some rough times this year, seem to attract guys who always have issues/problems not much is good in my life in general never mind love life .... but i am ever optimistic that he is out there and until he arrives will enjoy the life i have and appreciate, be grateful for all I have.

jackie x

No Wise, there is no secret code, but I think everyone defines it differently. Personally I don't like to use the word Nice at all. It is too ambiguous.

I like adjectives like sensitive, considerate, kind, generous, attentive, affectionate, positive, fun, funny, honest, responsible, faithful, reliable. They are much more descriptive.

It is just a matter of semantics I guess, but when someone wonders why they can't be attracted to a "Nice" guy, I suspect they think of nice as bland, pedantic, palid, plain and overly agreeable (Yes dear-whatever you want..).

When their friends wonder why a date didn't work out--"But he is such a NICE guy..." and you feel guilty for not likeing him more. Makes you think women don't want nice guys but of course that is not true.

So I avoid telling people I want a nice guy. That is too open to interpretation. I don't like to be described as a nice person. Cool yes. Hot definately. Lively,funny and irreverent, to be sure, but Nice...yuk

Nice is like Macaroni and Cheese. I LOVE macaroni and cheese. But sometimes you gotta add some spice :)

Nice is Vanilla ice cream. I LOVE vanilla ice cream. It is the core character of the sundae. I love the chocolate sause, strawberries and sprinkles, too. Heck I want it all.

Funny, I would never brand somebody who is bland as nice. I consider it incredibly un-nice. But English isn't my first language, I am probably missing a nuance here.

So two very different things can be going on here. Either 'nice' is a codeword for 'bland'. Or some women are permanently attracted to bad boys which may sometimes be a symptom of them feeling like they don’t really deserve a healthy loving relationship (something that comes up regularly on this forum).

If it is the latter, it will be a good idea to reflect why you enjoy being treated badly and ask yourself some frank questions. It may lead to interesting self-discovery.

Ya, I think most of the time it is the latter. Or maybe a bit of both. Some people think Nice and hear Boring when the 2 are hardly synonomous--

But try asking someone male or female (especially male)

Would you rather date someone nice or someone hot? The kind of reaction you get will tell you where the person is at.

The correct response of course is:
Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can't I have someone who is nice but also hot? Why can I date someone hot who is also nice? What's the matter with you anyway?

My (not very well developed) theory goes something like that:

A lot of the players and women who are habitually attarcted to players and appear exciting are the ones who deep inside are mortified that THEY are actually the boring ones. It is very easy to appear exciting when all this drama and chase is going on. It is when the 'normal' life starts when it becomes clear who has any staying power to lead an interesting fulfilling life together and keep up sexual, intellectual etc excitement for years to come.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with macaroni and cheese. It was a comfort food and menu staple of mine for years

When you are dating and looking I think it is crucial to know exactly what it is that you do and don't want for yourself.

All of what you said is very true and I would only add that people who can not figure this out for themselves may fall into the trap of choosing someone because others say he is a "nice guy" when in fact he bores her to tears.

If someone goes for someone who bores them to tears, she does so out of fear of being alone or wish to conform to some kind of social expectations. Maybe saying that this is a nice guy is just an excuse they use to make them feel better, because they know full well that they are settling and have a need to intellectualise their not very self-honouring choice.

I know some very nice guys, some are boring but some of them are pretty hot!! It depends on what you are looking for in a guy. For me, I want a guy who's a supportive person, generous, fun, trustworthy and a guy who'll make me laugh and also a guy who'll I'll look forward to meeting time and time again.

A type of guy who's there for you no matter what because you're this amazing and fantastic person!! I also want a guy who will never judge you based on passed mistakes.

That's great. Write that down.

Oh wait--you just did :)