Big date.... going to visit him!

Hi girls!

I have been reading up on the ’Dating without drama’ philosophy, and now I need your help......

I met a man online about two months ago, on a Christian dating site. We immediately liked each other’s profiles and started messaging each other every day on the dating site. We were both amazed at how similar we seemed to be in interests, values and in general personality.

We live in different towns, so it wasn’t so easy to just meet up, and we started skyping each other – and the conversations were really long. We broke all the rules for online dating, and admitted that we were ‘falling in love’ with each other. In November he flew to my town, he had booked a hotel for the weekend, but we ended up staying together most of the time. The physical attraction was there immediately (we didn’t do everything, but we were intimate), but he mentioned a few times struggling with the fact that I really was the girl he had been talking to online.

At the end of his stay he said he really cared about me, wanted to take care of me, he was attracted to me, he could see us together in a relationship solving problems, talking about everything – but that he wasn’t ‘in love’ with me – still he believed this could come naturally…. He is 40 and I’m 35, so he’s very clear about what he wants – he wants a wife, not just a casual girlfriend….

Well, he left, and we continued chatting on Skype, but we were a bit more distant in our talks than before he came. He wanted to think about meeting me again, he wasn’t sure what he wanted… I never asked him about his feelings, I was being the fun girl, talking to my friends about MY problems, having fallen in love with him before we even met…..I knew that I wanted to give this a chance. He then brought it up, saying he was glad I hadn’t been nagging him about feelings, and that he now felt sad when he thought about not meeting me again. All this time we shared our lives with each other, work, things we don’t generally tell others, and we talked almost every day.

I decided to let him have some ‘time off’ to think, I didn’t want to influence him with just being there all the time, so I told him I wanted us to chat less for a while. He said it was ok, but that I really wasn’t putting any pressure on him. Three days later we talked again, and the he had decided he wanted to see me again. He also said he didn’t like being on a ‘break’ and didn’t see the point in that. He really wants to talk to me, and he shares a lot about his life, and I do the same. After this he went away with work for a week, and we talked less, but after he came back we have been back to talking every day. He is initiating the chats on skype, and I'm being a bit flirtatious and fun, but not pushy, and I never bring up 'difficult' subjects, as f. ex his feelings...

He is now thinking about a time for me to come to his town, he has really been flat out with work, Christmas and everything, so it hasn’t yet been time for me to travel up there. I know he would like me to be spending as much time with him as possible when I come, so he doesn’t want to be working then. I know for a fact that he is not dating any other girl, or thinking about it now, he's not even visiting the dating site where we met anymore.

Our talks have again become more intimate, and also sexual (this happened yesterday, and hasn’t happened on the phone since before we met…..). I wonder how to act now, and when I see him. Should I distance myself physically, f. ex? He says he needs this ‘feeling’ of love to really give everything into this. What we have now, as I see it, is strong sexual chemistry, a strong friendship, and also so many similar values and thoughts about life in general. I’m not sure if I really understand what is missing for him…. I guess it's this GUT feeling that I'm the ONE.

It’s part of the story that he was engaged ten years ago (messy break-up), and hasn’t had a real relationship since then. He’s very serious about this, and talks about wanting a wife. He knows where I stand, that I’m willing to take a chance on him. But I feel that I’ve been very ‘non-dramatic’ through this process.

I appreciate you reading this, and will be happy about any comments. This next visit will be a decisive factor for how things develop between us, his goal is to find out whether or not he wants to be in a relationship with me soon, he doesn’t want to ‘keep me hanging’…..

Please be honest here girls….and guys….:)