Do you have a romantic interest in him? Truly? That is the first thing you need to make sure of and it's ok to feel a little uncertain. That kind of love grows.
Whatever you do DON"T change your behaviour! You have known him for a long time and have built up a raport with him. Don't undo all that work. He likes you as he has found you over the years.
The most important thing from here: let him lead. You keep being the woman whose attracted him - don't change a thing but let him lead where the relationship is heading.

All the best - keep us posted!! This sounds like an adventure:)

thank you so much gretel! see heres the thing. i can see him as a man i would like to marry and have kids with but actually dating is like a whole other thing. i dont even know why. he is such a great guy and i really care about him. he is one of those men you can see yourself long term with. maybe i just have commitment issues which actually makes me laugh because i always end up getting heartbroken in relationships because i am usually the one who hangs on and im not afraid to talk about long term with men. but for whatever reason getting to that point with this man is something so different. i want the long term with him, i really do, its just the whole dating before hand im not so sure of. wow i read all these and think wow i should help these women out i give good advice and no im reading my own and i have more issues with this one guy than any of the women on here it feels like haha. all the advice i can get on this would be amazing. thanks ladies :)

I'm the same way with the commitment issues, so I hear ya, sister. Just take it day by day. Don't worry about all this long-term talk and so forth right this second, then it gets overwhelming and commitment-phobic behavior-inducing. Just take it literally day by day and see how it goes. The idea of dating him and a future will probably start to become more comfortable if you ease yourself into it.

but i can see the long term like getting married and having children and things like that. but for some reason i can not see when he gets here to actually be dating him. whats wrong with me!?! haha

Just go with it, see how it feels when he gets there, I have a similar prob, I have a friend that comes around everynight for a visit. Gives plenty of attention to my seven year old. We have become very attached and when he doesnt come around my daughter and i are very sad. Which is not good. I like him heaps just dont know whether he likes me or likes likes me. And if he did like likes me i dont know how to react. I want something to happen but when and if will be strange. Because i have not had a male friend before. So how does a friend become something else???? with you it is out in the open you both want the same thing. Just take is slowly to me sounds great goodluck

I hear you...I am experiencing this selfsame problem...it is soooo frustrating to say the least...he's a pastor of all things, so when we've been dating one year/as of next month and he has yet to kiss me, it makes me wonder does he have any romantic feelings for me whatsoever. Because of his status, I try to understand that he can't kiss me, but then this gets to be soooo confusing because everytime I'm in the car with him going on trips or whatever, he's so close to me and I just want to reach out and touch him, but there's some type of barrier. If he would even ever just discuss what his feelings are for me, that would give me some relief, apparently we're just friends, he's never held my hand; in the movies a couple of times our legs touched against each other's and that's about the gist of it all. This is terrible for me, for I am quite the romantic type of woman. So here I sit in the car next to him, so close to him, it feels like he's my husband, my feelings for him are so strong, yet, we never discuss these matters to my satisfaction, he seems to give off hints that he feels something for me, but somewhere along the line, hints fail to satisfy. Help, anyone, please....smile...

I've haven't read all the posts here, but wow this sounds like a unique situation. I just had a date tonight with a guy that said he wanted to be friends first. He said that he believes in chemistry and attraction and that guys usually need this from the start, even with friends. But that guys don't decide later on down the road that they are attracted to a girl who is just a friend, without that initial feeling of attraction. He must have had that feeling for seven years and just did not tell you about it. But I hope it works out for you!

ok first off deslick: i know you already know this but i may as well say it anyways. with children you have to be so careful! bringing someone knew into their life not knowing how long they are going to stick around is so hard on a child. most dont let their men meet their child until they know things are serious. im sure you already know that sorry just wanted to say it. good luck with him and try to explain to your little one (and remind yourself) that sometimes people come in and out of your life even when you want them to stay. good luck i hope he turns out to be a good guy for you :)

melodyone: i actually know just what you mean!!! i had a little thing with a priest once and we went out alot and honestly must have spent every hour free with eachother. well 6 months later it was killing me because i didnt know where we stood so i had to bring it up one day even though i was scared to know i knew i needed to. we were driving in the car on a little trip with some friends and someone asked how long we have been together. i didnt want to answer because it was the perfect way for me to find out how long he has been interested and when he thought we were a couple. well what he said broke me. he said oh we are just really good friends,shes my best lady friend. i was so crushed i wanted to jump out of the car right then, but i didnt and i tried hard to enjoy the trip anyways avoiding him for the most part. when we got back he emailed me and said he didnt realize i had those kind of feelings for him and he was sorry if he gave off the impression that he had those feelings back. we no longer talk much,maybe once a month and special occasions.

ok so update for all my amazing people on this site:
so my best friend came to visit me for my brothers wedding (it was a surprise to me) and i was so happy to see him. it was kind of odd at first i must admit and i dont know if thats a bad thing or not. well his second last night here (he was here for 2 weeks) we got a hotel room and had the most romantic night ever. he took me to the most expensive and fancy restaurant in town. we had an amazing night. i have to tell you i think thats just what we needed. we needed to find out just how we felt and have some alone time. it truly was an amazing night. the day he left i took him to the airport. he told me he would be back in a month and a half, if not sooner.he gave me a hug and a kiss and whispered in my ear "im going to ask you to marry me when i come back, i love you" and then he walked away and got on his plain. i was pre proposed to in the airport haha. it was so sweet. after such a long friendship as a foundation and our already amazingly strong relationship i know things are supposed to be this way. he has only been gone for a few days and i miss him terribly and i cant wait to see him. he says he is flying me home for the holidays so i can spend it with not only his family but mine as well. so yes. everything is absolutely amazing. i guess sometimes you just have to take to take the risk to get the benefits :)

thats awesome!! :) so happy for you

Alright, I need some advice here. I have been friends with this guy for about 8 years now - I can call him one of my best friends. He's been there for me in every way! When I served in the military 8 years ago and was stationed overseas, he was the one that filled the family gap for me - he was there for me througout my tough duty station experience. He is much older, and therefore more matured than I was at that time. We started to date . . . I was not interested in a fling or one-night stand at that time, I wanted something serious, something I knew was going somewhere. And I told him that. He immediately told me he was not interested in anything serious, wasn't going to settle down anytime soon. He never gave me an explanation. I knew it wasn't the age since I was in my 20s and he in his 30s at that time.

So I said no, it wasn't good enough for me and I broke it off. A few months later, I met someone else I later married. He was heartbroken, thought I was wrong and could have been patient with him. And I said I would have been if I knew what I was waiting for and why he couldn't commit at that time. He told me he couldn't tell me. Needless to say, I never knew. So I got married. I kept in touch with my friend throughout - sparingly while I was married. This was mostly because I didn't want to give any wrong leads or impressions. But we stayed friend and became closer as the years went by. We will talk perhaps once every 3 months and he'll give me good advice, be there to listen when I needed something. He was just always there.

I got divorced two years ago and have been single since then. My friend was still around - he was throughout the whole process. He heard me cry, heard me hate life, hate men and he was always there to listen. Mind you, we've never lived in the same state or anything since 8 years ago. This friendship was via phone and emails - we never had a chance for drinks or anything else. He visited me once in 2007 and I visited him once when I travelled for work. He lives about 3,000 miles away in Seattle while I live here in the DC area.

So, when he visited in 2007, I slept with him - once! It was sort of a rebound for me as I've just gotten out of my marriage and was bitter. He did say he didn't want to do anything I didn't want to do. After that episode, I regretted it and told him "no more" and it just wasn't right. We continued our friendship for the next few days he was in town with me. When he returned home, we finally was able to talk about it (it was easier via phone) :) He told me during that conversation that it wasn't just sex to him that he loved me. I didn't know what to say - I couldn't tell him I loved him too cuz I really didn't know. So I was just quiet. It became uncomfortable and I said I had to go but will call him back. I let a week run by and when I talked to him again, we just never discussed that conversation.

Now it's 2009, he's going through some tough times with family himself and I wanted to help him feel better. So I asked him to come spend xmas with me and my family. He flew down and is staying with me. He's here till Jan. 6. So here goes . . . since he's been here, we've had sex twice. It's the weirdest thing because I don't know what this is. I'm not even sure I'm attracted to him like that. He's not the kind of guy I'd describe as my perfect guy BUT . . . my mom always said to keep my options open.

Besides, he met my family on xmas day and they all fell in love with him. They've known about him for years because I'd always say "John said this, John said that . . ." etc but they have never met him. My mom is now asking me why I'm not thinking about "him." I was just like, mom, please leave me alone - I'm confused as is. Note: my mom wants some more grandkids,lol.

So, I just don't know. I don't want to "have the conversation." I dread it and I don't want him to feel uncomfortable if it doesn't go the way it should. Then he's stuck here till the 6th and I'd be really uncomfortable too.

But I just want to ask him. I never even asked if he's seeing someone, and he never asked if I'm seeing someone. I always feel like back then, 8 years ago, he was quick to let me go. He never really fought for it when I said no more. He never tried to explain but he wanted to remain my friend and he did.

I have mixed feelings . . . I don't know what he feels for me now, if anything. OR perhaps it's just sex. But I'mnot comfortable with that either and don't want to have "the conversation."

Please help!!

Sweetypie, so amazing to read your story. Congratulations, and thanks for sharing. Do you mind my asking how you went from being friends to being together?

Wow it seems like you really need to search in your heart and just see where it will take you guys because if you can't live together than it will be hard to be a coule because then one or the other will fill to close amd in need of space. Just wait it out if he had a problem with the guy having his arm around you then that is a sign that he could be real serious about the two of you.

Bizng: thats a tough one. i know its so hard to think of your best friend as someone you could potentially be in a relationship with. and yes alot of people just see sex as well..sex. you really do need to honestly think things through. you dont want to mess up your friendship but if theres a start of a relationship there then hun, go for it. i know from my situation now, dating your best friend is amazing if its right. you are going to have mixed feelings of course! no questions asked and oyu know what im sure he does sometimes as well and could very well be thinking the same thing you are and thinking maybe its just sex to you. he told you he loved you once. to me i think that means something. i thik that as much as you dont want to talk to him you are eventually going to have to sit him down and ask him whats going on between you two,if he is seeing someone back home and if this is just a holiday fling with you. good luck girl! keep us posted please!

Jeu: being friends and being together...well it all happened a bit fast at first. when i moved across the country he confessed his undying love for me. he told me he was going to move here to be with me. i told him we should just see how things go i wasnt sure if this was just him missing me or what. i did alot of soul searching hoenstly. i came to realize that all these years i had put my boyfriends in front of myself and make sure they were happy. i realized how much my best friend had kept telling me to just think about whats right for me and do what will make me happy. well having all that time away from him and moving to a different province made me realize how much i missed him and some feelings i never knew i had for him. the thought crossed my mind but i never thoguht twice about it. untiol he brought it up. then it seemed to have never left my mind. when he flew here for my brothers wedding i was so excited. at first, like i said, it was akward. we didnt know how to act around eachother..laughing at jokes we would normaly never laugh at. but then after my family left, who all had known about everythign going on between the two of us so they watched our every move, we became more relaxed and got back to being our normal selves. that night in the hotel really changed it all for me. we hadnt really been alone the whole time when he was here except for that night. we had a chance to really talk and clear the air about how we really felt. he is my best friend and so i really can tell him anything and everything. anyways i couldnt let him go back home and still planning on moving across the country when he didnt know what was going through my mind.so we sat down and talked. i told him my concerns and he told me his. after that i could feel the pressure leave the room. the rest of the night was just amazing! i can honestly say i would love to marry this man and i do believe i will end up doing just that!
its the best feeling ever to be best friends with someone and then have a serious relationship rathan than the other way around :)
i want to thank all of the amazing women on here who have hoenstly guided me through alot that you dont even know. :)

sweetypie, that is a great story, thanks for sharing. I'm so glad things are working out between you. How long were you friends first? :)

I'm so glad to know that women on here can help others with there problems. If others only take the advice given and stick to it they can succeed. I know it's hard to do, but it can be done.

I thank the one that helped me. She has inspired me and brought my spirits back. Things that are happening now are strange and I'm doing my best to handle it. I get weak and confused but I listen to the song "Let It Be" by the Beatles and focus on it and she is right you feel so much better!!!

I'm feeling better about going out with friends tonight. I told him I was going out Sat. night not wanting to be the first one to enjoy time away. It bothered me to go out. But the best part now is he went out first with his friends. So now I don't feel so bad about going out first. Wow how the little things bother you and something so simple makes you feel more confident about what you are about to do.

I must say it drove me crazy to know if other women were involved or not. But I kept telling myself he has to come home and I'll be here when he does. And of course I fell asleep and woke when he came home and he seemed so happy to see me.

I must say that we are not together we are only friends and I want more. We have come along way together and I plan for things to go father. But I have to remember the deadline!!!

I am going to try to continue to be the best friend I can be and put my love for him aside. And yes this part is very hard!!!
But thanks to the advice I got from a woman on here I know I have to be strong take things slow and if it's ment to be it will happen.

Thanks so much for helping me with my situation and you must know I'm doing my best and loving myself first!! Funny part he is wondering about what is going on with me now!! He has a wonder going on trying to figure me out now! What a total 360 if you ask me. And I'm loving the change.

There are so many women and some men here that are very helpful and full of wonderful insights. I am so glad I found this site.

Hope you have fun tonight!

I had a blast!! It felt so good to get out again and have fun. We went to a dance club, at first I was unsure about it, but I danced with my friend and I even remembered Paige's top 10 dating tips.
I must say they work!! I kept my arms down and not folded and I made eye contact and I also did the walk. Men kept approching me and asking me to danceand even bought me drinks. I thought to myself wow it really does work.
I was only out to have a good time and it made me feel so good about myself. Thanks for the tips Paige. Even though I was not out to look for a man because I'm trying to be with the one I really want in my life. Thanks to Misty I was able to come out of my shell and enjoy myself.
And I must add that when I got home things were a little different. He was asking me if I had fun and seemed a little sad because I went out I guess. But he has been happy and playing around with me all day. I kinda felt bad about going out but I'm glad I did. I know that I can enjoy life while waiting for the one I want. And yes I danced with a guy and (no kissing was involved) He complimented me and asked me to dance again later when I was not dancing with my girlfriend. Her and I had alot of fun getting out. I'm so glad they invited me to go and I got to.
Now to keep my strength to wait for the one I want to come to me and ask me to be with him. It's hard living together and wondering if today is going to be the day.
I want to thank you once again Misty for helping me make it through my tuff time!!

You are most welcome Momma! I'm glad you went out and had fun last night. I too ended up going out till all hours on Friday nite to a Karaoke Bar and my guy told me to have fun and be careful. :-)

I went with a married friend of mine and both of us had guys asking us to dance and stuff it was really a nice ego boost! We had gone to sing and have a girl's night out and it was a blast!

Your guy will come around...just keep doing what you are and being your own fabulous self!

jeu: friends for 9 years now haha. a long time

im so happy so many women on here have had such great success and helpful advice from the others on this site. honestly paige i must say this was a great idea! really brings us women together. so heres a big thank you to all the women (and those few men) out there supporting one another and helping each other out. i know i have had tons of great advice. and a huge thank you to paige for making dating without drama for all those women out there...we really did need it :)