Yes, holidays are hard, it is my first Christmas without a significant other in 20 years. My parents have an exceptionally happy marriage. So does my sister and her husband. It is almost more difficult for them than for me. They simply don't know what to say or think or do and I have to encourage them that actually being single is not the end of the world.

When I first broke up with my longterm partner after 15 years, all my family was in shock, my parents had obviously discussed what was going on. So they had decided that I must be a lesbian! My lovely mother said 'If you are a lesbian, please know we love and support you'. Bless her! I had a good laugh and said that I appreciated their support and if I ever decided to become a lesbian I knew I would be able to count on their support and it meant a lot to me that they were going to support me no matter what.

So, yes, it will be a bit weird, but I am looking forward to going home and meeting my old friends who knew me when I was very young and catch up with them as if we had been seeing each other every day.

And it will be nice and snowy at home. I am from a country very close to Santa's home :)

Are you a fellow Canadian Wise? If so where?

Anyway I would like to take this time to wish all our American Goddesses a very happy Thanksgiving, since we are on the subject of Holidays

No, I am not a Canadian.

Is Santa from Canada? I am under impression he lives in Finland!!! :)

Theta's 50th is coming up in MARCH. We can have a party for THETA'S 50TH.

That's the plan. Now start a thread: Theta's 50th B-Day
Great deals going on... we can all meet again.
Whoots!
I've got mileage -or- if Goddess prefers. Theta, you can come here.

Hey, it WORKS for me! Somebody start a thread, I'm swamped, K?

Auds
xoxox

Well, my 50th is next year too! Maybe we could do a 50th birthday bash in 2010 for every women who turns 50 next year, has ever turned 50, or will be 50 some day!!!! We can celebrate being alive, no matter our age....

Kat

So much to celebrate!!!

We need to decide an exact time and a good place, otherwise it will all unravel...

OK I will start a thread under DWD catching up.

I'm down with that !!!

I have been alone during holidays way more than part of a couple. I was married for 6 years and he made holidays so much work. Everything had to be perfect. Now it's just me and my daughter, we wake up when we want to and sit on the floor opening our few gifts beside our 3 ft blue christmas tree. We always open one on Christmas eve, it's a tradition.

I don't look at it as sad. There are so many parties during this time of year and I love parties even solo. It is also a time to give and receive. Give give give and not just gifts but pieces of your heart.

Me and my girlfriends always get together around someone's kitchen table and usually end up dancing to 80's music in the kitchen. I look forward to that. Last year we broke the island in the middle of the kitchen. Laughed til we cried.

Don't look at what you don't have, look at what you do! We should have a party here one night. BYOB and put our elf atire on and park at the keyboard.

First.... Santa is Canadian! (well, that's what I tell the kids anyway ha ha)

Second..... I believe thetababe prolly lives closest to him... I know where in Canada you live, tababe! :0

Third... I have been single at Xmas since Xmas 2006. I really thought this Xmas I would be with a recent bf, even imagined us sitting around the tree Xmas morning. Was trying to give him "incentive" to will himself to live that long.

I have good thoughts and sad thoughts at the upcoming holidays. Certain Xmas songs are hard to get through without a tear in my eye.
But I believe we all have a choice. I am choosing to be happy and upbeat through this season.

The more you think about being "alone" this season, the more you will dwell on it....and that is negative energy you are sending out to the universe. The more you remain sad about this season, the more sadness will come to you.

What will keep us single gals coping with the holidays is being very busy....and bring meaning to the holidays for us, or start a new family tradition!

Helping at a shelter... feeding the homeless through a local organization..... helping a local deserving family through this time is more than enough to fill our hearts with love and meaning this season.

Enough to wipe out the feeling of being "alone" this season :)
Enought to stop our minds from wandering to the "negative lands" :)

Besides you have all of us here :)

We are NOT alone. We have all of our friends here.

We are so blessed.

Saucy,

It seems we are both right. I found at least two addresses for Santa Claus:

1) Santa Claus, North Pole, Canada, H0H 0H0.

2) Santa Claus, Korvatunturi, Lapland Province, Finland.

;)

That second address is made up :)

Probably by the Finnish !!! LOL

Well, well... the more I "see" ewe...
I've gotta HAVE YOU...
G'Night AUDS!

SAVE YOUR LAST DANCE.. for MEEEE
(michael Bubba... darn! Dang!!!)

btw: bonnie wa on a reteat and THEN..
had phone s3x with Wine Guy// Yes, it's true.

('ptrt going WILD).. TYPING SLOWILY:(
ANYWAR,..

That's MY GIFT FOR THANKS..GIVING
It's al; in the Spirit of Love,
( this is dfficult.... and it IS difilcult ME)

IN DCASE, I FORGET...
HA...HAPPY THANKSGI00`VING?

Good Morning single Goddesses,
I woke up this morning with a bit of migratory RA... could hardly walk...
Good news is that my fav Sanitation Guy was outside just as I was opening the windows for some fresh air; got to say Happy Thanksgiving

Last night, my 'puter and I both had "migratory RA" symptoms. Ugh!
-----
Does anyone know how many are going to Toronto? Please post over there. I NEED A LIST; all in one post, OKAY?

Auds
xoxox

Hope you feel better Auds

It seems we are both right. I found at least two addresses for Santa Claus:

1) Santa Claus, North Pole, Canada, H0H 0H0.

2) Santa Claus, Korvatunturi, Lapland Province, Finland.

The Finland address must be the Summer place

AH HA! Thanks for clearing that up, TaBabe :)

Happy Thanksgiving to all you Yankee Doodle Goddesses

Eat lots of Turkey and have a slice of pumpkin pie for me.

And most importantly

HAPPY BLACK FRIDAY AND SHOP TILL YOU DROP!!!

Wishing I was there, but you will probably see more Canadians on Black Friday than I will.

Thetababe,

I attended my family's Thanksgiving dinner alone this year. My bf's family had dinner ~ same time so we had separate functions. My kids were supposed to go with me, but my ex changed his mind at the last minute and they ended up at his brother's dinner. I had told my family they were coming with me, so there was some underlying feelings when I had to explain why they weren't with me. Also there is the "green flag" of being invited to the bf's family celebration as a reassuring sign that you are still wearing the girlfriend crown. Even if there is a good excuse, the feelings are still there if you are not spending the time together. My ex husband never showed up for my family's functions and that used to make me feel terrible. There was a little flash back of those days for me yesterday, only this time I didn't have the kids either.

Even though I am dating someone, isn't it interesting how much weight we place on celebrating the holidays WITH someone special (be if bf or kids.) I was really down yesterday and I know it was because I felt like a fifth wheel at the family function watching all my cousins and aunts and uncles with their whole intact families and children.

It's not just not having a significant other that can dredge up these insecure feelings in us. These events can be so emotionally charged on so many levels.

SZ

PS. Audrey, please clarify. YOU had phone s3x with Wine Guy or was it Bonnie? I'm so confused.

SZ, yes those days are special. The streets, malls and all public places are all decorated. My understanding is that in America, Thanksgiving is a bigger deal than Christmas. Not here. We have our long weekend in October, and a much longer runway to Christmas. The decorations for Christmas in the malls go up in September, some of them. Sheesh.

I pick up some extra hours in my friends flower shop on her big days-Christmas, Valentines day and Mother's Day. Here is my take on couples and holidays.

Some men say that they don't need a special day to express their love. I beg to differ. These are the exact guys who are NOT expressing their love and are taking their partners for granted.

You have 6 designated days out of 365 to show your partner how you feel and thank them for being your partner. If you make it more than that--perfect. You know how to value your relationship. However, if you can't even manage those 6, you have bigger problems. The 6 days are:
Christmas
Valentines Day
Birthday
Anniversary
Mother's Day
Father's Day

And the last 2 are only if you have kids.

My ex hated holidays and birthdays and was a real Scrooge at Christmas. He went to see the kids in another town at Christmas and I wasn't invited. I have never spent Christmas with someone special in my life

I'm sorry, Theta. Hopefully Christmas with someone special will happen for you very soon....that is, IF you celebrate Christmas as one of your holidays. Not being invited sncks more than inviting someone and having them refuse to spend time with your family. Yuck.

My bf hates birthdays and anniversaries (I had a huge thread on here somewhere about this subject) but he does buy great gifts and is thoughtful throughout the year in so many ways. He has remembered my birthday each year and celebrated with a wonderful dinner out and a gift, though. He just complains about the philosophical concept.

Christmas, V-day are def. celebrated. One year, when he was very sick I only got a text message from him for vday. But it was a TEXT MESSAGE from a very textophobic man, so it had a hidden meaning. And yesterday, even though we were apart he called to wish me Happy Thanksgiving. And I sent a homemade pecan pie to his mom.

It was mostly the kids being gone that got me.

Last year the holidays sealed the death of a relationship I was involved with at the time.

I had dated a man for a year and a half; and he did not invite me to share ANY time with him on the holidays. He said he had his own traditions, I had mine, and maybe SOME day we'd spend some time together.

It was really upsetting since my boys were with their dad on Thanksgiving, and my sister was out of town, so I was alone. And he didn't feel any need to include me in any of his plans... I was lucky enough to wind up spending the day with a girlfriend and her family and friends, so I didn't make a huge deal out of Thanksgiving.

But then Christmas eve/day was the same thing... He had his own plans, and suggested we get together 3 days after Christmas to celebrate and share gifts. I said, well, actually, I would prefer to see you on Christmas Eve or Day for a short while, but he was sooo busy with his family and couldn't "squeeze" me in.... OK, so now I was pissed.....

Then for new year's eve, he hadn't mentioned the holiday and it was a week beforehand... so I asked what his plans were, and he said, well, I'm hanging out with my (guy) friend, same as I always do! I said, wow, that will be soooo romantic kissing him at midnight... So he laughed and said, I'm not kissing him. Anyway, I said, well, that's a shame, are you going to be able to squeeze in a call at midnight to me? So he grudgingly said yes.. I wound up having a spur-of-the-moment party at my place, which quite a few people came to.... a few knew the saga and they were expecting the phone to ring at midnight.... guess what did NOT happen at midnight. No call....
at all......

That Friday I dumped him.... He obviously did not want a real relationship... I said, New Year's Eve was the final straw - it's obvious you could care less about my needs since you couldn't even both to call me. He said, oh, I sent you a text at midnight. I said, well, first of all you did NOT and second of all, that's not a call... He checked and lo and behold, he typed me a text which never made it out of his draft folder.... Wow, that soooo showed me his true feelings.

So, holidays are VERY important to a woman... especially when you've been dating for quite a while. I wouldn't expect (although would certainly appreciate) being including if we had just started dating, but a YEAR or more.... it's required.....

Kat

Kat,

You are not a draft folder. You deserve real conversation face to face. It's called paying attention. He was tossing you crumbs.

You made the right decision, but don't you hate it when they "make you do all the dirty work!?" Three strikes yoooouuu'rrrre out!

Just curious....how did he act the prior year? Did his actions change or was he like this all the way through the relationship?

Drives me nuts!

SZ

sz-

Well, the year before that we hadn't been dating that long, so I wasn't too worried about spending time at the holidays together.

Basically, I met him, and we started off seeing each other once a week, which was fine, and we only talked about once a week (outside of the dates). The dates would last a long time, and included all sorts of things - a hike in the mountains, going to tag sales, shopping, hanging out his pool, etc. etc, and we got along great, so I just thought he was a bit slow at warming up to the relationship idea. So the first set of holidays we had been dating like this for about 4 months or so, and I didn't really expect to be included. I still felt as though we were just 'dating'... And my expectations were met; we did not spend the actual holidays together, although we were together during them (in other words, on Christmas Day I didn't see him, but I think I saw him for a bit on Christmas Eve. I didn't see him on New Year's Eve cuz he was with his guy friend...).

During the 2nd year, while we still didn't see each other or communicate more, I felt the quality of our time together was improving, and I just thought he was a slow-mover!!! Then in the summer I spent an entire week with him and his family on vacation, so I thought this was definitely moving in the right direction, and since we both were not seeing other people, that I could expect MORE from him.

Unfortunately, after the vacation, it went right back to the one time a week thing, one call a week, and I started asking for more. I wanted him to talk more, call more, see me more. He agreed to do so, and then didn't follow through. His actions were those of someone who did NOT want a real, full relationship. So the lack of togetherness on the holidays just sealed our fate!!!

I learned some important lessons from this relationship about my own response to his unresponsiveness, and my patience, that will serve me well in future relationships!!!

So it's all good in the end...

Kat

Wise - LOL re: your mom asking you if you are lesbian. I am thinking one of these days my mom would ask me the same question.

It seems that everyone I know is coupled up - friends getting engaged, married and having babies. My 22 year old cousins (yes, plural) just got engaged and my little sister is in a long-term, practically engaged relationship. Good for them, but I still haven't found my mate, and it doesn't make life easy, especially around holidays. :(

To ease the pain, I usually do something with my single gfs or something that makes me happy. A few years ago, I decorated my tiny college apartment for the first time with a Christmas tree, and I loved knowing that it was my own merry, little Christmas, albiet solo. This Thanksgiving, I had absolutely no plans. The guy I was dating (who had asked me to go with him to his family's Thanksgiving) and I broke up a few weeks before and all my girlfriends were out of town. I was invited to a Thanksgiving holiday dinner party hosted by a guy I had met over the summer but never considered going until just a few days before. I sent him a message asking if the invite still stands, and he said "of course, would love to have you!" and I brought a bottle of wine, helped cook dinner, and ended up playing drinking games (a rather non-traditional Thanksgiving). I learned how to play 3 kings. :)Although I could tell a couple guys were interested in me there, I wasn't into them, but it was fun to meet new people regardless, and much better than just staying at home feeling sorry.

theta, I read your post and understand wwhat you wrote but now things turned around for you and you are coming to Toronto.
Note to self: One down; a few more to go...:)))
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wise, even tho' you're alone for the first time in 20 years and it's extremely difficult for you at least you are "looking forward to going home and meeting my old friends who knew me when I was very young and catch up with them.."

And then there's Toronto in March. Have you made travel arrangements yet? Now, there's something positive that you can tell your friends when you meet:)
-----
Kat, I lost your phone number. Do you beleive that. I have searched everywhere... even on the 'puter. must have deleted it by accident.
Please resend it when you get a chance.
------
Cookie,
Cute story about your college escapades. I'll have to read up on how you got through Thanksgiving.
-----
theta said:
You have 6 designated days out of 365 to show your partner how you feel and thank them for being your partner. If you make it more than that--perfect. You know how to value your relationship. However, if you can't even manage those 6, you have bigger problems. The 6 days are:
Christmas
Valentines Day
Birthday
Anniversary
Mother's Day
Father's Day
-----
Some have less;some have more important dates but the essence is there.
With swiss miss, I can so relate to getting together "around" the Holiday but not the actual date. First time 'round it was because of business travel. This time just dunno...
----
Well, we're still all alive and breathing... that's the important thing.
Auds
xoxox

Right on Auds!!!

What is swiss miss? Sorry, I am kind of a Johnny come latly.

Theta,

swiss miss is the "dickname" for her ex bf. The one that sent her to the NO CONTACT thread.

SZ

ok. thanks.