Bad habit leads to DWD advice!
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 11:18 am
So recently if any of you have read my thread... Last on the list and now im upset. You know that the bf and i have had a bad misunderstanding last week. We worked it out and things have been going pretty well. (THANK GOD)
After this massive fight my bf explains to me that he does not want to sleep over for a while, because my 3 year old has not been fully broken of sleeping with me (his mommy) I know BAD HABIT! It has gotten pretty bad to the point where my son wouldnt want him to come over becuase he couldnt sleep with me if the bf was there! I totally took this into consideration, and the bf hasn't been over since we had the "TALK."
So I have not asked the bf over and to be honest haven't thought about it to much. I took the fact that he said he woulndt be sleeping over until (my son can sleep in his own bed) as he wouldnt be much over in general...
So last night my bf said: "why dont you ask me over anymore?" "i want to come over but you never invite me"
***OMG****
is this part of DWD advice!!!!
When i was complaining and crying that i wanted more time with him WE FOUGHT!!!! And now it is him asking me WHY I HAVENT INVITED HIM OVER!!!
Just thought i'd share this with you guys! Feel free to comment :)
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 12:07 pm
#2
Thank you live life..
You always give me great advice!
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 12:11 pm
#3
Too funny..... see how it always works out?!
Men.... can't live with them, can't shoot 'em :) Just kidding.
Your son's only three and until pretty recently it was just the two of you, so I don't think him sleeping with you is a bad thing.
Invite him over this weekend if you want.... and maybe now that you're in a relationship, this might be a good time to start weaning your son to sleep in his own bed. :)
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 12:19 pm
#4
So initally when the bf and i started dating i started weining my son to sleep in his own bed. The bf is a teacher so he bought my son a sleeping chart. every time he slept in his bed, he got a sticker... so my son did very well with this. However i would occasionally let my son sleep with me on the nights the bf wasnt sleeping over... (I KNOW I KNOW, I was WRONG!)
So i have incorperated the rules once again and my son has been in his own bed the past 3 nights :)
Positive thing***
The bf took me too lunch yesterday, and asked me out for tonight!!!!!!!!
What a shocker!
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 01:45 pm
#5
it seems its worked out ok for you, your son and your BF. soon your child will settle into the habit of sleeping in his own bed without any disruptions and you both could carry on as normal having that bit of time to yourselves.
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 01:49 pm
#6
Yes thank god...
My bf always said: "this is our time away from everything else"
I cant wait to get that back! I miss cuddling
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 01:56 pm
#7
Well pg...it seems like things are moving in the right direction!
I don't think a kid sleeping with you is a good thing at all...but others think differently. I just hope your son doesn't get it in his mind that you are "punishing" him by not allowing him to sleep JUST BECUASE OF A MAN!
So please wean him quickly and try not to allow him to see your bf spending the night (doesn't always look good for boys to see their mom in bed with a guy that is not daddy!)
Just my 2 cents
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 02:03 pm
#8
Itspossible ~
I have established that this is my rule and part of being a "big boy" to my son. That is part of the reason my bf has not been around. I dont want my son to think that he only sleeps in my bed when my bf is not around.
As far as the daddy part...
My son has never met his daddy, and has only seen my current bf of 1yr and 4 months with me. So he doesnt know any different. If i let him as i have before, my son would come and curl up and cuddle between us...
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 07:24 pm
#9
Ok, well I hope things work out!
Fri Nov 13 2009 - 10:17 am
#10
Thanks for your hopes :)
Fri Nov 13 2009 - 10:41 am
#11
partygirl, you wrote;
(I KNOW I KNOW, I was WRONG!)
This is a crucial piece of information that you withheld, I'm afraid. We are all trying to help each other here and make no judgments but I could have given you better advice had I known that your son was sleeping in your bed on the night's that BF was not there.
Try thinking like a child:
I get mommy all to myself when HE IS GONE.
I get NO mommy when HE IS HERE.
You are very fortunate that your BF is a teacher and has a reward system in place:)))
Altho' I understood that you had a son, I had hoped that he was sleeping on his own. Do some research on that topic. Because it's important to this topic, your relationship:)
I too am glad that everything has ironed itself out.
Auds
xoxox
Fri Nov 13 2009 - 01:08 pm
#12
Hey there auds!
SO... Successfully I talked with my son about this.. and what a big boy means.
So happy that my son has converted back to sleeping in his bed for 4 days so far :) There is no turning back at this point. I need to stay strong as a mother and keep the rules going whether the bf is there or not...
I am grateful that my son wants to be a "BIG BOY" and is doing a very good job at adjusting to once again, sleeping in his own bed.
Fri Nov 13 2009 - 02:35 pm
#13
Excellent, partygirl. I'm up for baby-sitting. i just love those little ones.
I like the game LETS KILL BUGS and WHO KNOW;WHO CARES... you can't fine 'em anywhere cuz I made them up.
Liverwurst smooches, anyone???
Need any advice about men... even the little ones, give me SHOUT, OK?
Auds
xoxox
Fri Nov 13 2009 - 02:50 pm
#14
Auds your funny...
Fri Nov 13 2009 - 03:37 pm
#15
I may be funny..but KIDS is no funny business. You need to be aware that they are God's little babies and they think when they are babies that YOU ARE ALL THAT - PERFECT.
You need to show them and teach them LOVINGLY:)))
Auds
xoxox
Fri Nov 13 2009 - 10:23 pm
#16
he's your boyfriend so you can invite him. if you were just dating, then it doesn't make sense to invite to sleep over
Sat Nov 14 2009 - 06:50 am
#17
Partygirl...
I have been on this sight for quite sometime, but mostly just look from the outside in.(meaning i read the advice, but rarely give it)
I do, however feel compelled to respond to your particular predicament. I raised a 17yr old by myself and he too has never met his father til this day.
I NEVER let him sleep with me because I always thought ahead. I did not want him to get used to sleeping with mommy. Although, when noone was around (meaning a manfriend of sorts), he could sleep with me sometimes, but for the most part after he fell asleep, I would simply put him in his bed for the rest of the evening.
From my experience, if your are in dating mode...It is never good to have your child sleep with you and expect any potential mate to say "its okay". Because, believe me...they do not think it is okay!
Of course, you as "mama" are tempted to say "bite if you dont like it, that's my son"...Trust me..that will never get you a potential partner.
And at the same time, the child will eventually learn not to be a total mama's boy. As a woman, I can attest....I cannot and will not deal with a mama's boy. My very first boyfriend at age 19 (believe it or not)was and still is with his mother...yikes!!!
What I am trying to say is....(as hard as it maybe)....You have to be mom and dad at this point...be a little tougher:)
Good luck to you.....keep us posted okay??
Sat Nov 14 2009 - 11:32 pm
#18
post #15...omg! Yes, I so believe that Audsie. Kids are genuine and rely on us (parents) to guide and love and protect them.
Mon Nov 16 2009 - 05:41 pm
#19
Thanks for all of your posts!
My bf and I had a great weekend! My son has slept in his bed all weekend with NO PROBLEMS :)
The bf was there all weekend with us!!!! Things are going pretty great these days!
My bf even took my son skating while i studied for a test!
Thanks for the advice and support! Most def love my son, but understand he needs to sleep in his own bed! I am a very proud mom! He is doing so well!
Thanks ladies! :)
See friend,
When you stop analyzing the situation under a microscope so much....thats when answers to situations seem to become simple and evident. Just enjoy everyday....do your very best and know you are putting all the effort you can into this relationship. It will move along smoothly.....