ANOTHER POLL! :) Spending the Night......Sleeping Over....Etc...
Tue Aug 18 2009 - 01:54 am
I don't like spending the night at a guy's house unless he is my BF. If I'm with a guy as just as a casual thing, I NEED to go back and sleep in my own bed.
What have been your experiences with guys that were boyfriends vs casual dating relationships? For example, I had one guy who was just a FWB but a best friend and he rarely spent the night. It happened a few times but not often. I generally try to kick guys out before they fall asleep...lol. So have you gals had guys that liked you spending the night at their place or vice versa who were NOT boyfriends or who did not end up being boyfriends?
Tue Aug 18 2009 - 02:33 pm
I am like you, I like to sleep in my own bed and I really like doing it alone. I don't spend the night with guys who are not my boyfreind. Now if they want to take me on a trip, thats a different story.
Wed Aug 19 2009 - 12:06 pm
I've not spent the night with a man who was not my boyfriend. But with us older, post divorce types there are more variables to consider. It's not as simple as whether I want to or not.
My bf suffers from insomnia and does not sleep well even at home alone in his bed. He does not sleep well with other people (even when married) or in other people's beds (especially if they are not king sized...he's a sprawler.) He does spend time cuddling after s3x however and doesn't just hop up after the deed! If he does fall has asleep he's always up again around 1 or 2.
Added to that he has a teenage daughter (and a son the year before that)that live with him full time. It is hard for him as the wearer of the father hat to stay out all night when they have curfews that he enforces. Every other weekend he has four kids staying...although they are older and don't need babysitters while he is gone. But he still needs to be home sometime before morning! He makes breakfast for the crew when they're there. This is usually not an issue because I also have my two kids staying at my house and I do not leave them alone at night past ~8pm.
So...Usually if I'm kidless he stays until 1 or 2 at my house and then goes home. I do not feel comfortable at his house because his kids are there and I don't think my staying would be acceptable (although I have snuck upstairs occasionally when the kids were asleep...yipes! Way too much pressure.) Tues night is a typical date night so because we both have to work the next morning we might call it in earlier. Sometimes, if his kids are out and have curfews we will both get up and go to his house to wait. Scheduling is rough for us, but we make it work the best we can.
I've only spent all night with him when away on a trip. These were the only mornings we got up and had breakfast together. (BTW...he did actually sleep with me there with him.) Maybe things will change when all of our kids are on their own. But that will be at least 8 years! I'm going to enjoy what I can now and not wait for that time to come.
Wed Aug 19 2009 - 11:56 am
This is a little off topic, but I've always thought that the social custom of husband and wife sharing a bedroom and a bed did more harm than good. I can't tell you how many friends I have who have trouble sleeping w/ their husbands. And how many husbands or wives who get upset if the other tries to find a quieter place to sleep.
I think the ideal situation is where both have their own bedrooms. They can visit each other at will. They can still have a healthy, active s3xlife even though they are not required to sleep in the same bed. They can even stay all night. But it also gives them a place to go when they can't sleep or the other is making too much noise, etc. And most important....having your own space to arrange as you like is so important to everyone. Many couples have a different level of clutter acceptance also...this would save sooo many fights.
I don't get much support for my theory. But in my experience it saves alot of arguments and frustration. I want my own room next time!
Wed Aug 19 2009 - 12:20 pm
A king size bed is a must at least.
Wed Aug 19 2009 - 02:16 pm
Hey Robinincarolina, I like the punch line of "if they want to take you on a trip, that's a different story. LOL!
Wed Aug 19 2009 - 10:21 pm
A girl has to have her standards ya know.
Thu Aug 20 2009 - 03:29 am
Sz - My exBf's parents slept in separate bedrooms in their house. They have been married for about 40 years or more but he was always traveling b/c he was in the military and in Vietnam and he has had a job for the past several years where he travels half the year. They now live 3 hours apart...are still married...the mom has a bf...and the Dad has a profile on Match.
I've always had only a full size futon...lol. In fact, I just bought my FIRST mattress set ever last week. I felt it was time. Sleeping on the loveseat in the living room was making it hard to hook up...lol. The funny thing is that the guy I'm talking to/seeing/sleeping with/hanging out with right now has a bed but no mattress yet. He just moved 2 months ago or so. (I've been in my apt w/o a bed for almost a year). The first night I spent the night with him, we slept on his couch. I was like, "Are you sure you just don't want to take me home?" LOL
I've had the bed for a week but he still has not come over :(
Thu Aug 20 2009 - 04:09 am
It's funny...I've never liked having a guy stay over other than when I've been engaged or married...until now. DJ Man is a given...we've been engaged before and I've even told him one of the things so intriguing to me is that I don't want our time together to end...with most men at some point I'm thinking to myself that I can't wait to have some time alone...with DJ I don't.
D, the other guy I've been seeing, made the assumption he would stay over. Guess I didn't protest too much as I fell asleep while we were lying on the couch. According to him, I fell asleep while he was kissing my stomach. I of course adamantly insist that couldn't possibly be true as I've felt his kisses and they are not conducive to sleeping ;-)
When I went to his house for dinner he again assumed I would stay over, again not really an issue since I fell asleep. I posted here that I woke up around 8, said goodbye and went home, an hour later he texted asking if everything was alright as I left rather abruptly. I told him all was good, he had let me know he needed to meet his parents around 10 and I had things to do as well...really I just wanted to be in my own bed and shower in my own shower...I hadn't brought any clothes with me anyway.
Thu Aug 20 2009 - 04:29 am
My parents had seperate beds - then when my younger sister left home - seperate rooms - they were happyily married forever
I dont like men stopping over really - only if I have dated them for ages - nor do I like stopping all night at theirs and have often gone home once they're asleep - but they just got used to me doing it - I just like my bed and my shower!
Thu Aug 20 2009 - 08:50 am
CurlyNYer,
Yes. First you need a proper bed. I guess you can sleep with someone anywhere. But it helps to have a big comfy bed with lots of pillows and fresh clean smelling sheets! You are in for a treat, even if you're just sleeping alone! LOL. Glad you've moved up to the big time!
sz
PS. I don't think having separate bedrooms determines whether a marriage is healthy or not. My grandfather snored like a chainsaw and my grandmother had her own room too. They were happily married for over 40 years! I guess it depends on the visitation schedule.
I know one of the things I learned when I was married is that we all need to have a place of our own where we are comfortable and can relax. I was not allowed to have anything on the horizonal surfaces, even a book on the nightstand. My ex was a neat freak...couldn't stand house plants. If things were left they were thrown away. People would come over and say my house looked like a model home because it was so tidy. They meant that as a compliment, but I knew it was because it was so impersonal and cold. The only safe place was the trunk of my car! This is absolutely NO way to live. Today I have a big cushy armchair, footstool and floorlamp set up by my bedroom window. I'm surrounded by my jungle of houseplants. And there is a big stack of books on the floor by the chair....just like my grandfather used to have! Ahhh! I want my OWN room if I ever get married again! We all (including any future spouse) need a nest of our own.
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