AND NOW IM UPSET :( RE: LAST ON THE LIST POST
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 12:23 pm
This is in regards to my last post:
I was upset that my boyfriend for the first time cancelled plans with me. I have been very understanding and not to mention accomadating to his busy schedule.... All i wanted was for us was to have some alone time!
He said he had a coaches meeting and couldn't keep our dinner plans...(i was sad but said ok, and understood)
He later text me and says... "do you wanna go to my cousins hockey game" I am thinkging... (what about your meeting?) so i ask him... he tells me... " i told the other coach i had to leave by 7" CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG.... Why couldnt he have done that for me? I dont know if i messed up but... THIS TURNED INTO A HUGE FIGHT...
AND NOW IM THE ONE UPSET... he said something to me that really was a low blow... I was the last one to text. I havent heard anything from him since. Does this mean were going to break up? I am feeling so devastated. All i wanted was some time.. Am I in the wrong?
Please help me..
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 12:41 pm
Party Girl-
I don't think you are in the wrong here at all. If he can tell the other coach he has to leave by seven for the hockey game, then why could he have not done the same for your dinner plans?
What did he say in the text fight? If it's not too personal it might be helpful to know that.
I am going through some issues of my own with my BF and people have been pretty helpful with suggestions. It sounds like your guy may feel like he is losing his independence a little bit.
One thing that I have been told before that was GREAT for my sense of well being in the relationship is that you should adopt a "monkey see, monkey do" attitude. If he's not calling you and asking you out, then you don't call and ask him out. If he's making excuses why he can't spend time with you then next time he asks you out YOU make an excuse why you can't spend time with HIM.
It may seem a little manipulative, but used correctly it ensures that you are only giving what you get. And that goes a long way in not making you feel like you are the one making all the effort.
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 12:51 pm
I have a 3 year old son who he is very good with...
I had messaged him and said "I would for once just like to feel that i dont have to compete with everything else going on in your life"
His response was:
"what the f are you talking about, I compete everyday in your life. Get use to it, i do"
This has to be in regards to my son! THAT WAS SO LOW! I am completely hurt with that comment!
AM I WRONG!?!?!?
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 12:53 pm
Hi Party Girl,
What was the last thing he said to you by text?.
I just read your last thread. Your instinct seems to be telling you something is not right and he is pulling away. For some reason you are not a priority in his life and this has hurt you. You sound insecure and vulnerable, which I understand.
Guess he is picked up on your emotion. It is hard to oomment, as I do not know what the fight was about.
You will be hurting like hell, but I think NC mode is the only way forward. Certainly a cooling off period and a period of reflection would be good for both of you.
If he cares about you and wants you he will come back., it is painful to work through no contact, but it can be successful and maybe it will draw him out to answer some of your concerns.
I am in NC mode at the moment, it is hard. Deep down I know I have blown it and will not see him again. I keep my fingers crossed that he will come back around.
I am sure he will text u when he has cooled off.
Daisey Belle
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 01:43 pm
Daisey- I feel your pain... I am in "no initiating contact" mode with my BF of three years and it is hard as hell.
On a lighter side I have nick named the operation "Space: The Final Frontier" cause I am giving him "space" and if it doesn't work it's going to be the "final frontier" of our relationship. ha ha :)
Party Girl- That was a low blow !!!
Let's try and figure out where it came from.... Could it be that when he IS asking you out you turn him down often due to obligations with your son, but then expect him not to have any obligations of his own when you want to see him? I don't mean to come off as harsh or lay blame, but that is a pretty low statement for someone to make with nothing to back it up.
If you are the one turning him down often then he may be trying the "monkey see, monkey do" approach with YOU. (Sucks when they get wise and turn our own strategies on us, doesn't it).
Let me know if this is a valid possibility.
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 01:53 pm
Not at all!
I think the thing is that I am always available...
I make him dinner, go to all his games whether hs is coaching/ playing. Totally SUPPORT HIM! I feel like I am devoting all my time to him and my son. Never an issue with my son! Always get sitters or we hang out together.... Maybe the pressure of being a "father figure?" He is 30 years old.... Never married, no Kids?
Still this is a LOW blow! Totally hurt my feelings!
Still hasnt had no contact with me today.... last talked at 7 last night. I shouldnt text or call right?!
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 02:07 pm
I think at this point the best thing to do is just give him space and when he does come back (and I think he will), adopt the monkey see, monkey do approach.
Make sure that you are letting him do the chasing and let him "be the man" in the relationship. Maybe he feels a little threatened by a woman who is able to juggle so many important things in her life seemingly with ease.
Just try not to freak out, and I think in a very short time he will contact you.
DO NOT CONTACT HIM. NO MATTER WHAT.
If he loves you and wants to be with you he will contact you. In the meantime, maybe sort of pretend he is out of town or something and get busy doing your own things. It's gonna be hard, but you can do it ! :)
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 02:14 pm
Aimee, I LOVE IT!
On a lighter side I have nick named the operation "Space: The Final Frontier" cause I am giving him "space" and if it doesn't work it's going to be the "final frontier" of our relationship. ha ha :)
SPACE - the FINAL Frrrrontier.
Love it, Aimee:)))
You're so witty
And you're pretty..lala...lala..lalala..la,laaaaaa
Auds
xoxox
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 02:15 pm
Oh, and it may be helpful to note that it usually takes about three days to break any kind of habit, or at least get the impulses to a point where they can be managed.
So, if you can not contact him for 72 hours (and I would be surprised if he did not contact you before then) then you should be in a more manageable spot by the end of the weekend.
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 02:17 pm
Thanks Audrey ! You're always so sweet in your posts :)
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 02:17 pm
I sure hope he does.... I hate this yuck feeling.
We normally have a GREAT relationship with Bragging rights... this fight makes me so upset... This is prob the 1st real fight.
We have not said the I LOVE YOU'S yet... but i think that its there... maybe to hear something like that would make me feel better... i just want to know i AM A PRIORITY TO HIM!
I FEEL LIKE WHAT YOU SAID I NEED TO DO! NOT TO CONTACT HIM... i THINK I DESERVE TO BE CHASED!
I guess i stay occupied and try to let the time pass. ITS SO HARD!
his dad is or has had surgery today... Maybe this is consuming his time and thougth process???
Waiting sucks! :(
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