Am I REALLY Ready for A Relationship?
Sun Nov 15 2009 - 11:59 am
Hello everyone,
I just recently purchased Paige's book and was in the midst of doing some of the self-reflection exercises when the following thought popped into my mind: Am I really ready for a relationship?
I have had two major relationships in my life; unfortunately, both of them ended rather badly, and now I am debating whether I even want to be in a relationship at this point. I definitely do get lonely from time to time, but it seems like all the men I run into lately just want to have physical relationships and nothing more. I am not sure that's all I want; however, I am not sure if I want a full-fledge relationship either. I feel so indifferent. It doesn't help that I've been celibate now going on two years, too.
Is there something wrong with me? Maybe my last two relationships disappointed me more than I care to acknowledge, and rather than give love another chance, I would rather write it off as a non-option? I've gone through counseling to discuss this issue, and while I definitely found it helpful, I am still no closer to the answer I am looking for, which really bothers me.
People tell me all the time how beautiful I am, and how I should not have any issues finding a man, but I don't feel beautiful. I am nice-looking, if I do say so myself, but I don't profess to be a raving beauty. I am just now learning how to accept myself for who and what I am, which is something I have struggled with for many years.
I don't know. More than anything in the world, I want to get married and maybe even have children one day; however, I sometimes feel like that will not be my reality. I just wish I could figure this whole "love thing" out! I know positive-thinking is the way to go, and I am trying to do that, but my last two relationships have just left me feeling so empty and down in the dumps.
Any advice?
Tue Nov 17 2009 - 12:20 pm
#2
There isn't anything wrong with you. If Paige's book is making you wonder if you're ready for a relationship, maybe that's exactly what you should be thinking about at this time in your life.
So many women, myself included, start relationships with guys without ever asking themselves what they want. Then, before we know it we're with someone we love dearly but whom we feel can't give us what we want. Now what??
If we'd taken the time beforehand to identify what we want in a partner, and had the confidence to pursue that no matter what and tell every other guy to bug off, we may have avoided all the mess and lost years bad relationships bring!
Don't worry about closing off future options. You could meet a Mr. Right next week and change your entire line of thinking. Just take this celibate moment in your life as a time for you to do that precious self-work that will help you feel safe loving others in the future and will make your future relationships better than your past.
That's the best we can do.
Sat Nov 21 2009 - 10:17 am
#3
I have come to the conclusion that I don't think I'm ready for a relationship but I am ready to start dating. I think as women we are programmed to think we "have" to be in a relationship. I am new to this and I have no idea what's right or wrong. I just purchased the DWD book and I love it so far and it's really an eye opening book. I have a son so for me it's kind of tricky and I refuse to have a revolving door or expose my son to that part of my life. At least until I find someone worth the effort and even then I think I will be careful to not do to much to soon. I think it's important to really think about our do's and don'ts but also test the waters, if nothing else you might get some great meals out of it and you don't have to sleep with them if you don't feel comfortable. I am sick of sitting home by myself when my son is gone for the weekend with his dad, my girlfriends all have thier significant others now so if we do go out I'm the third wheel. I would like to meet new people and have some new experiences as well. I think maybe you should get out of "the looking for mr. right" attitude and start by having fun. Marriage can be the goal at some point but let's face it if you don't learn how to swimm first you will drown. So keep the faith and live lighted hearted and remember laugh, dream and believe anything is possible and keep an open mind to trying new things.
Sat Nov 21 2009 - 01:14 pm
#4
Well said D-Lady!
Women tend to think that just because they have dated a guy once or twice that they should be ready to commit the rest of their lives to him. Men don't think that way, why should we?
As the song says "you better shop around"
Sun Nov 22 2009 - 12:17 am
#5
I'm 57 y.o. and I thought I was ready but b/c of my situation I realized that I just needed to be safe, loved and feel joy from soemone ...ANYONE... no one was there... to ease my pain.
LOVE - it's not an age thing, it happens, it's there in a FLASH... and Poof! it's gone... and we're left wondering...
You came ... (we all did).. b/c we WANT TO GET TO A BETTER PLACE.
Auds
xoxox
Honey, there is nothing wrong with you. 2 years celibate--try 11...
There is nothing wrong with trying to figure out what you want. It takes as long as it takes.
There is nothing wrong with dating, ie "sampling" different kinds of men. You do not have to sleep with them if you don't want to. You do not have to commit to anything long term either.
Remember Carrie in Sex and the City when she was Trying On a different kind of man than what she usually dates?
You don't say how old you are, but you sound young-young enough anyway. You can learn to enjoy being single by starting to indulge in what YOU want to do.
Come visit me in the Understanding Men forum on my Qualities Expectations and Dealbreakers thread. We are all figuring out what we want there :)