48 and lost
Fri Oct 09 2009 - 03:46 pm
I am 48yrs old and am completely lost. I was married for 20yrs and very fathful. I have now been divorced for say 6yrs. I have been dating this one man now since my divorce. He is a very nice man. He treats me good. Likes to cook make me comfy when we are together. But, to be honest, he is not worth two cents. He does not like to work. So, therefore we never go anywhere and he loves to drink. I don't really have to big of a problem with the drinking. I enjoy a drink once in awhile. I guess my big problem is I know he is no good for me and I would love to met a good man that wants to travel, go out to eat, go places. The only reason I keep this guy around is for the sex. I don't want to have to do without and I feel I'm really backwards when it comes to meeting new people, let alone a man. I need some help girls. How do I meet new men. How do I go about leaving this man alone???
Fri Oct 09 2009 - 03:57 pm
So he is your FWB and it seems to work for both of you. At the moment.
But keep looking. Have you thought about internet dating? I know you've probably heard all these horror stories, but it will exponentially increase your chances to meet somebody you could see a future with.
I have not met the one, but in my 6 months of on and off internet dating I have met two guys who came pretty close. I think it is not too bad statistically. I am looking to meet the third, you know 'three's the charm' :).
Fri Oct 09 2009 - 04:35 pm
Slip out the back Jack. Make a new plan Stan, no need to be coy Roy, just listen to me.
Hop on the bus Gus, Don't need to discuss much, just drop off the key Lee, and get yourself free!
No really, what you have is a reverse FWB. and it is not even benefitting you if you can't do what you want. "I know he is no good for me and I would love to met a good man that wants to travel, go out to eat, go places." Yeah that would be nice.
You are just being a big fraidy-cat. Being single really isn't horrible. Once you get the hang of it, it can be fun. Just dive right in Girl, the water is fine.
How would you feel if he was just keeping you around for sex. How would you feel if you met a great guy tomorrow, but he passed you by because you aren't available.
He is your security blanket, nothing more. Do him a favor and yourself and break it off.
Fri Oct 09 2009 - 04:10 pm
ITS HARD ONCE THE SEX STARTS AND IF ITS GOOD...WOWOWOW!
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ONE!
Fri Oct 09 2009 - 04:16 pm
I did not mean for you to break this guy's heart and go behind his back. I just wasn't under impression that you were a proper item. Just because you are sleeping together and he cooks for you doesn't exactly say a relationship to me. Does he think you two will have a future together?
Fri Oct 09 2009 - 04:22 pm
lol!! Alright ladies you are all right. All except the good sex part. It's just sex. I have tried the dating sights, don't know if I like them or not still trying. He is my security blanket. I have tried breaking it off and it always feels good. I think maybe I just need to get out more and met some men. I just don't go. Where is there to go. And hey I'm new at this so what is a FWB??
Fri Oct 09 2009 - 04:32 pm
I am sorry if I sounded flippant. Its just that a mediocre relationship is worse than a bad one. If a guy is a cheater, abuser, lyer, etc. you know that to stay is causing you pain. If he is a nice guy with a few flaws you can stay much longer than you should trying to "fix" him when you can't.
Sounds like you have made up your mind about him. So go. Take the plunge.
I deal with being single by creating a busy life with my friends and my acting. My dance card can fill up very quickly and it has nothing to do with men. Go out a lot with friends. Cultivate new friends. I have said it on other threads. Six degrees of separation. Most people meet their partners through friends
Fri Oct 09 2009 - 04:49 pm
FWB stands for Friends With Benefits
thetababe's suggestions are spot on.
Fri Oct 09 2009 - 04:50 pm
thanks thetababe. This is sad, I use to be the one that gave the good advice now I sound, I don't know like a dingy whatever. However you want to put it. But, all of you Ladies give good advise. Keep it up I am learning. I just hope I can do the same for all of you on something. Thanks, Keep the advise coming.I got to go for now, but I'll be back soon!!
Fri Oct 09 2009 - 05:06 pm
It is easy to look at someone elses problem and know what to do. It is good to have a second, third or 200th pair of eyes sometimes.
I have had problems rattle around in my head for years until I found this message board. Someone says just one little thing and I can see it all different. Sometimes it can change the course of my life. Wise's handle says it all.
Fri Oct 09 2009 - 05:37 pm
Absolutely. I thought I knew it all. All this love stuff was always really easy. Had a really happy long-term relationship. Always gave advice to my friends. Even played match-maker to my friends, very successfully.
After I broke up with my long-term partner, quickly met a new guy who seemed really nice at first, but it wasn't right and I broke up with him.
And then met this next guy whom I really liked and for the first time in my life I turned all needy and made every mistake in the book. And that was my wake-up call. There's just no room for smugness. Reading this forum has been better than all the counselling and therapy I have done put together. Just today, I read one thread that really struck the nerve and I cried like a baby because I realised things about myself that I had never even thought about before. This is good! This is breakthrough.
Enjoy this journey! This being lost thing could be the best thing that ever happened to you.
Lots of love,
Wise_until_it_happened_to_me
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
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