1st DATE..SHOULD WE GO DUTCH OR SHOULD HE PAY (AND MORE)
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 01:55 pm
Hello ladies!
I met a guy on an online dating service about 2 mths ago. We have talked on the phone/texted and emailed each other quite frequently. We are finally going to meet this Monday night (he lives 4 hours away). He is coming thru my city because he has a meeting about another 1 1/2 to 2 hours from me and will stay the night in my city! So our plans are to go to dinner Monday night and then I will meet him for breakfast Tuesday morning on my way to work and him moving out to his meeting.
Question....since he is traveling and using extra money to stay here should I pay for dinner or should I EXPECT him to pay since he is the man? Should I offer or do I expect us to go dutch? Do I even need to get this cleared with him before he gets here or does that seem like I wouldn't have any class if I asked him?
Just a few days to go and we are both excited about us meeting! But want to make sure our ducks are in a row (money part anyway).
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 02:23 pm
He should pay as it's a first date even if he's traveling to come to you. You should offer, but he should pay. If he lets you pay, you should let him go.
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 02:25 pm
If you offer to pay or go Dutch, does it not send a message to him that you are not interested?
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 02:34 pm
I don't know if it necessarily sends the message that you're not interested if you offer to pay or go dutch...I think it really depends on the guy. But, in general, I think the guy should pay for the 1st date regardless.
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 04:13 pm
Ok thanks...
So if he is from out of town and has a rental car...does the woman pick him up and drive to the restaurant or ask him to meet you there (even though he is a full grown man, does it seem tacky)? For safety sake...I don't think I should since I don't know him...but being hospitable shouldn't I pick him up since he doesn't know the city?
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 04:21 pm
NO, if he has a rental car, he can drive himself. As it's a first date, you should drive yourself to and from the restaurant too. You can be hospitable later if things go well between you and him. :)
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 04:23 pm
That is what cabs are for
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 05:14 pm
LOL....ok ladies....I won't pick him up! hahahahaah
and I hope he doesn't make me pay!
Thu Nov 05 2009 - 05:28 pm
I posted it a while ago on oh little darlin's thread when she was asking re: Steve's first visit. I thought it would be apt to copy and paste:
I would like to part my 'wisdom' here (needless to say some of the wisdom has come post mortem). Some of it has already been said but as it seems to be an area of some anxiety and discomfort, it is good to reiterate some points. It seems the ‘who pays for what’ is particularly heightened in long-distance relationships where the expenses can be fairly considerable.
Most of us here are very independent women who take great pride in taking care of ourselves and all that. We are also very caring, considerate and practical people and feel if a man comes all the way from X, it is only natural to reward him in some shape or form. Reading the responses here it appears to range from a little gift to sorting out their accommodation to having sex with him almost out of obligation (because he has made all this effort, right?). We would naturally do it for a friend (not the sex part, but everything else), so it seems perfectly reasonable. But HE is not our friend and the undercurrent is completely different.
My advice is to throw this natural (or conditioned) impulse completely out of the window in the early stages of dating: (1) there is no need to go into this caring mode just yet, funnily enough it won’t be appreciated, quite the opposite, your fussing will make the man feel less of a man; (2) you want to feel yourself and allow the man feel that you are worth investing into: the more energy, time, trouble and, yes, money he invests into this relationship, the more valuable you are in his eyes. You feeling uncomfortable with it send a powerful message: I am really not worth it.
If a man comes all the way from the other side of the world just to meet you, yes, think of the fun things to do together and maybe offer to pay for one meal in a public dining facility, but remember, he will get the best reward and gift there is: he has the pleasure of spending quality time with YOU.
Fri Nov 06 2009 - 08:23 am
It's polite to at least offer to pay for your half of the meal. Personally I think it's nice if the guy pays but I don't think it should be obligitary. As for if he 'makes you pay!' then it's quite simple: 'NEXT!!'.
When meeting someone for the first time, NEVER offer to pick them up or get in the car with them. Whilst it's unlikely that anything bad would happen you should nonetheless never put yourself in that position - stick to meeting in public places until you've gotten to know someone.
Fri Nov 06 2009 - 06:53 pm
he should pay!!!!!!!!!
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