He should pay as it's a first date even if he's traveling to come to you. You should offer, but he should pay. If he lets you pay, you should let him go.

If you offer to pay or go Dutch, does it not send a message to him that you are not interested?

I don't know if it necessarily sends the message that you're not interested if you offer to pay or go dutch...I think it really depends on the guy. But, in general, I think the guy should pay for the 1st date regardless.

Ok thanks...
So if he is from out of town and has a rental car...does the woman pick him up and drive to the restaurant or ask him to meet you there (even though he is a full grown man, does it seem tacky)? For safety sake...I don't think I should since I don't know him...but being hospitable shouldn't I pick him up since he doesn't know the city?

NO, if he has a rental car, he can drive himself. As it's a first date, you should drive yourself to and from the restaurant too. You can be hospitable later if things go well between you and him. :)

That is what cabs are for

LOL....ok ladies....I won't pick him up! hahahahaah
and I hope he doesn't make me pay!

I posted it a while ago on oh little darlin's thread when she was asking re: Steve's first visit. I thought it would be apt to copy and paste:

I would like to part my 'wisdom' here (needless to say some of the wisdom has come post mortem). Some of it has already been said but as it seems to be an area of some anxiety and discomfort, it is good to reiterate some points. It seems the ‘who pays for what’ is particularly heightened in long-distance relationships where the expenses can be fairly considerable.

Most of us here are very independent women who take great pride in taking care of ourselves and all that. We are also very caring, considerate and practical people and feel if a man comes all the way from X, it is only natural to reward him in some shape or form. Reading the responses here it appears to range from a little gift to sorting out their accommodation to having sex with him almost out of obligation (because he has made all this effort, right?). We would naturally do it for a friend (not the sex part, but everything else), so it seems perfectly reasonable. But HE is not our friend and the undercurrent is completely different.

My advice is to throw this natural (or conditioned) impulse completely out of the window in the early stages of dating: (1) there is no need to go into this caring mode just yet, funnily enough it won’t be appreciated, quite the opposite, your fussing will make the man feel less of a man; (2) you want to feel yourself and allow the man feel that you are worth investing into: the more energy, time, trouble and, yes, money he invests into this relationship, the more valuable you are in his eyes. You feeling uncomfortable with it send a powerful message: I am really not worth it.

If a man comes all the way from the other side of the world just to meet you, yes, think of the fun things to do together and maybe offer to pay for one meal in a public dining facility, but remember, he will get the best reward and gift there is: he has the pleasure of spending quality time with YOU.

It's polite to at least offer to pay for your half of the meal. Personally I think it's nice if the guy pays but I don't think it should be obligitary. As for if he 'makes you pay!' then it's quite simple: 'NEXT!!'.

When meeting someone for the first time, NEVER offer to pick them up or get in the car with them. Whilst it's unlikely that anything bad would happen you should nonetheless never put yourself in that position - stick to meeting in public places until you've gotten to know someone.

he should pay!!!!!!!!!

THANKS LADIES!
Well Monday is the day! Just 2 more days and I am very excited! I have noticed that I have gained a lot of weight that is giving me a complex (which is really sad, b/c b4 my vacation I was in the gym 3 times a week and walking my neighborhood about 2-3 times a week)..I stopped for 2 weeks and I have blown up like a balloon! So I am getting nervous that he won't enjoy all of this volumptiousness and he won't like me! The chemistry ont he phone is awesome...so I am hoping that the extra pounds won't send him running!
I believe he will pay for dinner...he doesn't "seem" like that type to make me go dutch or even pay for it!

Best of luck and let us know how that date goes. :) Have fun!

thanks old

watcha gonna wear?

a skirt (b/c the best thing going for me right now is my boobs and legs-hahahhaa...don't want to show "the girls"-my boobs yet...so I need to show off my big sexy legs! hahahahahaa he text me yesterday while I was in church and said, counting down my 30hours to see you! we talked for about an 1 1/2 last night till my battery died and then he text this morning! so he will be here in SIX HOURS! I can't wait to see him! Very excited and scared.

Hi Itsy

I really need to keep up with these threads more! Is this a new Man?

yes NNN....I am so excited! the ex fwb has im'd me here at work but will not step up to the plate and ask me out even though i have gone into NC with him! he is just not interested enough to really seek me out! so I met this guy online and he seems ready for the same things I am ready for (an exclusive relationship leading to marriage!)!@!!!!
will give updates on tomorrow! yeahhhhhh me!

How exciting! Really pleased for you itsy, look forward to hearing all about it! So are you over ex fwb?

Well I will be letting you all know on tomorrow.

Actually NNN, I am not over him. I know most people would say that its unfair to the new guy or that I am doing myself an in justice..but in "my" opinion, I need this. I have never allowed my ex FWB to stop me from dating others and praying for God to send the right man in my life...so even though I have been in love with him for the past 2 years...I have still dated others (not slept with anyone but him though) because I knew he wasn't "the one" for me but its just been so hard to let him go! I tried to look past all of his issues of his childhood and made excuses for him as to why he acted the way he did, but in the end I was the one who gave him my everything and he gave me NOTHING! He has made small attempts to start a conversation, but my 1-2 word answers have probably left him thinking "f" her she will need me before I need her or baffled wanting to know why I haven't contacted him or why am I being stand offish! But nothing is enough for him to really move mountains to find out!

Oh btw...my new guy just called me and told me that he is 20 min away!!!

It's P - Hope you have a great time tonight and come back and let us know how it went! :) As for the ex-FWB - I don't know the whole story - but go ahead and enjoy your time out on this date. You're not going with the intention of marrying him, you're just going to go and have fun...nothing wrong with that while you're trying to get over someone. Think of this new guy as a friend/person at first and hopefully the attraction grows from there. :)

Well ToughCG...he has expressed to me a couple of times that he is NOT looking for a booty call...a one night stand...a casual relationship...a whenever I am in town we can hang out and have a great time..BUT A WIFE! And I am looking for a husband! Our chemistry over the phone is great! But I do still want to make sure we are friends first then go into relationship mode! I just think we are at an age that some things that we would have an issue with if we were younger are not there (such as having kids, etc.).
But yes ladies...I will be all over this site tomorrow letting you know the good, bad and the ugly! hahahha