I'd rather the guy stay and get to know me. But if he's not interested, just say so, so I can move on.

Disappearing is just not polite. Whether it is a friend, or a date!

Being ignored sucks, and is a huge headache. I'd rather know the truth A.S.A.P so I can move on as well.

I guess if they at least tell you that "hey, I really like you but we just don't seem to have any chemistry" there is something to be said for having the stones to actually tell you. And who knows, you might end up with a great friend that you can both go to with dating questions. I don't know, really. I'm new at this dating thing. Haven't dated in more than 10 years and have no idea what I'm talking about!

Id rather a guy just never calls me again.I can take a hint.If he doesnt calls he was not into me.......i can live with that........it may hurt for a moment but trust me i will definitely get over it.

the trouble with men is they are just down right gutless

I would ALWAYS prefer the guy to tell me what's going on, it saves the not knowing and constant guessing... I have a guy that is doing the 'disappearing' act on me right now, and it just doesn't help at all.

Knowing where you stand in any kind of relationship is far more emotionally healthy.

I couldn't agree more...I've just had the "ultimate" disappearing act pulled on me and I can't fathom it. 'Twas in a 6 year relationship w/ this man and recently we were both re-assessing our wants/needs/lives and had decided to take a break yet remain in contact. One thing we've had was that we could always talk things through. Both of us experiencing life transitions. We had a nice conversation; ending with his saying "we'll talk" and he has seemingly dropped off the face of the earth f/ the last 19 days ( in the previous 6 years we talked every morning and every nite; seeing eachother most every weekend and some days in between...after a few days, I got worried and tried to call/email him several times and no response...I contacted a mutual friend to see if they had heard f/ him and they said he seemed okay. I can't f/ the life of me figure wtf happened?! It's really out of character f/ him...

I agree with SMERK. I can understand the disappearing act on the first date or early stages. Everything is very tenative and it is hard to gauge correctly the guy's intentions or feelings, but when you are in an exclusive situation or more stable relationship; it can be soul destroying and heart breaking, when the disappearing act is played on you. I hate the heart aching concoction, of mistrust, misunderstanding,lack of self belief,poor self worth and poor self esteem, that happens when you think you have been dumped and you don't know why. It is very painful.

Appears the opinion is unanimous. Just get it over with and tell the truth! I don't want to waste my time hanging around or upset or wondering what happened. I just got the disappearing act after 3 months of 'I love you'... A wondering imagination is a cruel thing...As adults, men should 'man-up' and just be honest. AND we won't be nearly as upset or angry:)

I have had amazing times on dates, looked fabulous, was easy to be with, complimented him on the restaurant choice, laughed, had fun, and been a wonderful first date, and sometimes men call again and sometimes they don't.

So I never waste my time trying to figure it out, and I really don't care what the reason is because I know it has nothing to do with me! I don't need any explanation because it's all about what's in his head, and frankly that's none of my business. :)

I'm not sure which method I would like better:

1) To hear, right away, that he's not interested but had a nice time or…

2) To have him disappear without any more contact.

The first option might hurt my feelings a little because I immediately find out that he's not interested and the other option would tell me that he is NOT interested because no contact means no interest, right?

What I would HATE and have experienced, is when a man who after 3 weeks of no communication emails me with what appears to be relationship interest. Then 9 months later after weekly communication between us, he suddenly informs me that we cannot have a romantic future together. Well then, hell, just tell me in the beginning and get it over with. DO NOT LEAD ME ON!

Ok I gotta be honest. . .

I think it's true you probably would have a better chance with her down the road of you just disappear.

I recently had one of the best dates of my life. Then he back pedaled, furiously, to get out of any future dates. I was so angry that I changed my email address.

So, I would rather know up front when there is no chemistry. Much better than lying or avoiding answers.

I recently had one of the best dates of my life. Then he back pedaled, furiously, to get out of any future dates. I was so angry that I changed my email address.

So, I would rather know up front when there is no chemistry. Much better than lying or avoiding answers.

Alot of girls say that they would rather be told if things didnt click and for many they just dont want to know! My advice is if he's decided to pull a disapearing act on you, then counter his action with a reaction and move on! Whether he gives an explanation or not is totally up to him and his level of general courtesy. Some men are callous enough to not tell you and some are just not wordly equipped to handle such situations as no one wants to be responsible for anothers emotional outcome of ones own action. My advice is MOVE ON!! Lifes too short to be worrying over a guy or girl and y they ditched you, it happens to the best of us. :)

What about a guy that dates you for 5 months, breaks up with you and then keeps sending body language that he is still interested. Getting in my line of sight when we are in the room together, passing in my vision when I am talking with other guys..etc. Is he having second thoughts, or playing me? How do I find out? And yes I am still very interested in him, but afraid of him hurting me again.

Sharondipity, this guy is being immature. Maybe he is interested or maybe he is being possessive. Either way he is failing to communicate. The best advice in all of these posts is -- move on. Easier said than done, but if you decide that is what you want for yourself, that makes it easier. Your actions will tell him whether he is allowed to play games with you. Send the right message.

I wouldn't want a guy to be so direct with me. If he didn't contact me in a few days I would get the hint, put it down to experience, and leave it at that. At the end of the day it would be obvious that the guy didn't want to pursue things, so I would rather leave it and think that maybe he went back to an ex or something, rather than know first hand that he just wasn't that into me.

Lets face it, a man could ask, what would u like but the reality is a man is going to do what he likes. I have heard this a few times from men that said they dont like to close the door in case one day they may want to see you, they just dont know they may change their mind, feel lonely and remember that nice girl they took out once, she seemed interested so maybe I have a shot. This is certainly not gallant but alot of men do it. Then its up to us to say Im sorry its not good for me. Personally I have gone on a few dates which the man never called back, and one in particular I recall walked me to my car and kissed me goodbye and said can we do this again and are you interested? I said yes that would be nice. The thing is, I knew I wasnt attracted but I didnt want to be mean to say, I dont think so and he was really nice and although no chemistry Id still like to be friends with him. I didnt hear from him but my friend which is friends with him told me he told her he just wasnt attracted to me, because he thought I was very immature for my age. Then you say, then why did you say lets do it again? I think there is alot of men that just cant be upfront. They care about their image more then anything, in "how is she going to think of me and who will she say this to?"
I think the best thing Id like to hear probably would be a guy to call back and say hey look your a really nice person but Im not sure if I really want to get involved right now. I had met alot of guys that upfront had said, "I dont want a relationship." Yes a girl wonders, then why is he asking me out? Thats another issue, the other thing is, and why so many men do the disappearing act is, that it seems alot of men ask out women to give them a try. What I dont understand why would anyone ask out anyone they are not attracted to? Dont you know upfront whether or not your attracted? This has been my motto after my first years dating after the divorce, was not to go on dates until I really get to know the person. It has worked out better for me, to become friends first.

yes, be polite and let the other person know how you feel. There are plenty of fish out there....some you'll click with and some not.

May I ask what do you mean you say that "We Didn't Click"....
Is it something that you were looking for her to do or say?
Was it something that you were expecting from her?
I'm just trying to understand from a woman's point of view.
What is it that you were lookning for that would have made you all click?

Well I do know how it feels when some one is ignoring you and doesn't call you. I have been with this guy for almost 7 month and realize that he does not feel the same about me. 2 weeks ago went to a show with him with friends and went home with him and I was really drunk but knew what i was saying and doing....I said the three worst words...I LOVE U....and ask him.. you love me?...jerk replies...."Its complicated" says he cares about me....Oh I just wanted to die there!....almost cry but dont think he notice....unfortunely I have to see him because I work in the same building with him. I want and have ignord the entire night ever happen....we havent txt each other since except he txt me wishing me Happy thanksgiving.....but at work I have to pretent nothing ever happen....as in my personal live he is so done...and at work I talk to him like nothing is wrong.....story of my life...

I know the feeling...and it sucks...but iam afraid we are getting play girl..

tweet2me, That's not really something you can explain. It could be the way they walked, hand gestures or lack of them when they talked. I've met quite a few men, great email, IM & phone conversations when we met in person we just didn't click, there was no spark. Almost like meeting up with a business contact, you had a nice time, conversation was easy, you know you could have a good time with them if you were to meet up with them again but nothing there that says WOW I'm really attracted to this guy/girl & he/she's worth the effort.
It's something different for everyone, sometimes you'll feel you've clicked & they won't & vice versa.

Chris,

I think justlooking may have overlooked a fairly attractive option number 3). This may not be popular... but here goes:

Frankly? Neither 1) nor 2) appeals to me at all. If I'm to have my choice? Then I'll take a white lie, please.

Truly. I only admit this under pseudonym of course but that's the exact approach I take, in dispatching a guy after a date or two, when I know he is not for me. And if you think about it, it is called "letting him down easy" for a reason. It is simply *easier* to hear that someone has chaos afoot in her career just now/ has just gotten back together with her ex/ finds she must not be quite over her recent break-up enough to date again yet...than to

1) hear "sorry, it's just you, guy. you just don't do it for me or 2) be paid the disrespect of being ignored.

It is kinder, in fact, to expend a wee bit of time and effort, finding a way to affect the desired result (he stops asking you out) without really hurting anybody's feelings. Whether of not he fully buys the excuse, you have at least given him the option to *choose* to do so, if he prefers. Sometimes we believe what we want to believe, right?

I might also add that this is neither a bridge burner, for romance later NOR an impediment to friendship now. To wit, 3 out of 3 of my close friendships with guys began this way. So yeah, after 6, 3 and 2 years, respectively, hanging with me and meeting my boyfriends and introducing me to their girls, do they KNOW that they just didn't do it for me in that way? Sure they do! But nobody ever had to SAY it or HEAR it... Some things are, indeed, better left unsaid. Things that could deflate a person foremost among them.

You don't tell your grandma that you're just not really feeling the heinous scarf she gave you. Come on. What's the point? Chemistry is not effort based-- nothing said girl said or did was going to change the state of play. It was about who she is.

Sometimes kindness beats honesty.

Hands down a simple email is greatly respected "I enjoyed our chat, but I don't think the chemistry is there" or "I enjoyed meeting, thanks for taking the time. It is important to me to be a gentleman and let you know I didn't feel a spark, but you are a great girl and I wish you the very best."

Leaving a girl hanging is the height of rude. Women are so confused now as to the rules of dating it is a miracle we come out at all!

I have had the diappear act on me after 3 months of dating. We had even discussed when we first started dating, just be honest and don't just quit calling.. we both had that happen to us before and hated it. I thought maybe he had been in a car accident or something.

It is so pathetic. Come on end it like a man and at least part as friends. " This isn't working out for me, good luck to you, I wish you the best, SOMETHING!!! I always wanted to be able to say hi and be nice if we run into each other again someday. Now I would feel hurt and want to run the other way. An email or a text is better than nothing, come on!

And yes return my stuff, its only polite.

Just treat each other like you would want to be treated as human beings, not just men and women.

I've been on the receiving end of the dissappearing act a few times and after it happened to me enough, I just stopped caring. I realized that a guy who wants to see me again will contact me again.

Once I realized that, I didn't even notice when a guy didn't call back. Even if we had a fun time and I felt a click, I didn't care because I had already moved on to a new guy who was showing interest.

So if you give yourself enough options when single, you don't need to hear "I'm not into you". You learn to only pay attention when you hear "I AM into you". datingdrama.wordpress.com

I just had a man disappear after three dates, which I could have handled, but then he came back with a ridiculous text after 9 days. Why would he do that? He did feel chemistry? It was worse than disappearing.

I had a guy tell me, "see you around" truly a dismissal, of course I was puzzled, but didn't have to buy a vowel, I got the hint, life called, he wasn't interested, something, shrug, it happens.

Months later when I ran into him, he told me two things, 1) He always thought about me 2) I always atare at you when you are around - Both left me with my mouth hanging open and you couldn't call which is what I wanted to say.

I just went into the moment, although flattering both compliments, he is a man nearing 50 and I decided to leave the compliments where I received them in the street while running into him, they say actions speaks louder than words, no calls, just words in passing, means nothing.

Next!

OK, here is my take on this.... dated a guy right after thanksgiving. the christmas holiday is always crazy but our third date was wonderful, stayed overnight (nothing happened) we just had a great weekend together and got to know so many things about eachother. The weeks went on and christmas passed and then we were suppose to go out after Christmas.....well then this is when it all started...His phone broke, a few days later he IM's me to get my cell # again. Calls me the next day and the cell does the same, wont make calls, not getting text etc. Finally a few days later, He tells me he got a new phone in the mail. We go out a few more times after that and have a great time.....As I thought. He would send me messages that he missed my face, couldnt wait to see me next. So now we get to January and we have spent about 7 dates together, never been to his home, but said the next time we hung out he would like to have me over to "chill". So im thinking, ok, he is comfortable with me and I am with him, cool. Well a few days after he told me that at dinner, of course his phone broke again.....this time for 2 weeks. Then ontop of that, his laptop, his mom is sick and everything that could have stopped him from seeing me happened. I gave in about 2 weeks ago and gave him my number again.....and now I am always the one making the initiative to text him. I finally got fed up and told him it would prolly be better to go our seperate ways and see what happens since he seemed to have so much going on now with more issues with his mom. I figured if we continued to keep in contact, maybe there will be a chance we could start up dating again. he agreed and apologized......So my thought is......why did he keep coming back after he disappeared so many times....why? Why bother me, when I could have simply been fine the first time he went away....but 3 times...that plays on a persons emotions.

What about when your first date he tells you that you are very beautiful and you continue to get such sweet messages like that throughout the week until you see eachother again and then BAM, my phone doesnt work, but contacts you when he gets a "new" one...or cancels cuz mom is not doing well, but when you ask him how she is, doing much better and he;s heading to the gym...even though you havent seen eachother in weeks.....Its not that he wasnt that into me.....I have a feeling that after about 8 dates, he felt like it could turn into something and freaked out??? Why do guys do that? Then I tell him I have to move on, until he can figure out how much time he needs to be with his mom and he replys he's sorry for all of this and he wishes he wasnt so busy because he was really into me. That pulls at me, like I should have stuck around to be more supportive of what he is going through. And if he is that into me, he would be making time. Hes a private person, so i know i wouldnt get much more out of him, thats why i chose to back off, because i could tell he was as well

Some times ago I was thinking that it's good to know that guy doesn't want to meet again. But now I think I would rather do not know. Guy doesn't call within 3 days... Move on... Think that it's not meant to be... Ladies, do you really need that call or sms with explanation that you guys didn't click?
I had 2 dates with some guy I met online. After first date he was quiet 4 or 5 days (see?, 3 days, that's the limit :)))) But then he contacted and said that he would like to meet again. We met. Then he went quiet for few weeks. Well, I was not bothered that much, there were the other things to do, the other guys to meet :)
Then email from guy where he says that he was sick, travelled and so on and he's asking if I would like to meet again. We agreed that he would write me in 2 weeks because we both travelled. I didn't hear anything from him in 2 weeks and thought that I probably would say no to another date with him. Actually I forgot about him. And then when I had miserable and lonely weekend, sure enough :))) I'm getting mail from this guy (month after i heard from him for the last time) in which he's appologizing that he wanted to invite me for a date but he met another girl and now it all went serious with her.
Maaaan. Did I need that mail? Did I care? I had my own reasons to feel upset that day, nothing to do with this guy. But he made me feel even worse.
So I would rather stick to 3 days rule and move on after that instead of listening explanations that we didn't click and what was wrong.
But... Well, if I'm seeing guy few times and we spend more time together, then I would like to have explanation. Or at least notification that this is the end.
So after 1-2-3 dates it's ok to disappear. But after longer dating i need explanation :)))