Nothing is Wrong (but something is wrong)

I think there is one argument that divides the gender no greater than the internationally famous exchange, as follows:

GUY: "Is everything OK?"

GAL: "Yeah."

Or, put in another way:

GUY: "What's wrong?"

GAL: "Nothing."

GUY: "All right.  Let's get to the movies then!"

Again, my eternal caveat applies - this conversation can and has happened with the genders reversed, where the guy is saying "yeah" or "nothing."  But, typically, the guy is in the dark as to why his female counterpart is acting strangely.

And after some internet research, as I'm sure some of you will support, here's our basic communication problem.

If a guy asks "is everything OK?", he has detected a few things.  First, a drastic change in your behavior, such as quietness, short answers, or complete silence.  Second, he has ZERO clue as to why this is occurring.

The "Yeah" or "Nothing" is expressed because the female is either A) tired of telling the guy to stop whatever he's doing that's annoying or B) thinks he does know and is playing dumb, which makes her even more upset.

It is here that both genders get upset.  The guy is saying, "What the hell is going on, why won't she talk to me?  She says nothing is wrong but clearly something is!"

The girl is saying, "What an idiot - how could he not know!"

I once dated a girl who, literally, I had to ask her for over an hour to get at what was really bothering her.  It was something that I had absolutely no clue that was bothering her.  Something in my actions led her to be insulted.  But I prodded because this was a 2-person problem and we needed to talk about it, which we thankfully did!

Again, I think I've said this in previous posts, but it still holds true - guys are literal.  Very literal.  If a guy asks another guy what's wrong, guy will tell him.  Sure, if this is set in high school, Guy A might say "you're a nerd."  Or the guy might get the honest "I just don't like you."  With most guys, we always know where we stand with each other.  So it's easy to see how we would assume the same is true in our relationships with women.

If a guy asks a girl what's wrong, and she says 'nothing', we assume that's the truth and think we're the ones acting crazy or over-reacting.  In our heads, if something was wrong, she'd say something.  So we dismiss it, which ends up angering the woman even more!

However, I'm not trying to portray my male gender as completely innocent.  I have read that some guys hate guessing because that just gets them into more trouble, such as:

GUY: "You're mad aren't you"?"

GAL: "No."

GUY: "I can tell you're mad."

GAL: "I'm not."

GUY: "Is it because I hung out with Kristen last night?"

GAL: "You WHAT?"

OK, that is hilarious and that guy is shady.  I can't defend him.  But I do take issue with the following:

GUY: "You're mad, aren't you?"

GAL: "No."

GUY: "I can tell you're mad."

GAL: "I'm not."

GUY: "One day you're talking to me, the next you're not.  I just want to be sure you're OK or nothing's wrong."

GAL: "Nope."

That is what I take issue with.  Maybe the guy's a dummy, and the silent treatment is a new approach to get the behavior you want out of him.  But by saying "nothing is wrong", that will basically kill the relationship.  I came across a really sad blog post with lengthy replies about how the silent treatment is a relationship-killer.

If you're wondering where all this has come from for me personally, I've had this happen to me recently, on the receiving end of a silent treatment.  It's difficult.

I don't plan on trying to solve it with one little blog post.  I'm not even saying one way or other is justified, correct, or most useful.  But this very website is called "Dating WITHOUT Drama."  I think eliminating this game will drastically reduce drama in not just our dating life, but all life.  Granted, the truth is sometimes hard to verbalize.  I get that!  I find it hard, too!  But every relationship I've had that has failed - whether it be friends or a romantic one - died because of lack of communication.

What I hope to pass on to you readers is that while you might think the guy is either dense or playing dumb (or just plain dumb), it's just that we take you for your word!  Instead of clamming up - and this is for the guys that do this, too - how about we try something like:

"Ya know, you do this thing, which annoys me/you lied to me/I don't like it, so if you don't stop it, I think it's best we don't talk/see each other anymore."

Maybe not as easy to say, and not as easy to hear, but definitely easier to understand!

'Til we meet again!

-Chris2