Getting tough

If you have kids, you know there are times when you must discipline your child even when you don't really want to, because you know it's for the greater good. In fact, most of the time, disciplining my son is not a sought-after activity. If I have to sit him down and talk with him about things like his misbehavior at school, his lack of respect or his downright bad attitude, it makes me cringe. I would much rather be playing a game or reading with him. However, parenting must come first. And I dare say that this aspect of parenting is akin to dating without drama.

Take, for instance, the fellow whom I've been dating recently, Paul. Paul had done something that requires me to do a little disciplining of my own...self-disciplining, that is. As much as I wanted to let things carry on as they were, I knew I had to force myself to follow Paige's dating rules by the book in this case.

Last week, Paul asked me on our third date. I cheerfully said yes, and we agreed on Monday, as in tonight.

A few days went by, and Sunday rolled around. Having not heard from him again to confirm plans, I decided to fire off a friendly text message: "Hope you're having a great day! Are we still on for tomorrow nite?"

No response.

I stopped myself from calling or sending another text, however. I already was regretting the first one, knowing that an errant text message can come off as too needy. Now, I'm still on the fence about that text, because after all, I needed to arrange for a babysitter, and I wanted to know what time and where. There was no ambiguity about the fact that he asked me out, so it's not as though I was calling to ask him out.  

At the same time, I think he needs to be more proactive about getting plans in order. Out of respect for my time and my needs, it would behoove him to call and say, "I have a great Italian restaurant in mind. Will 7:00 work for you?"...as opposed to asking me out and then letting the plans drift away into thin air, which evidently is what happened.

I did hear from him this morning, but shockingly, he made no mention of our plans tonight. He only said that he'd had poor reception the night before due to a trip to the mountains, and he asked how my weekend was. I responded kindly, but at this point I decided to take a step back and evaluate how all of this was working for me.

Was I happy to hear from him? Yes. Was I happy that he waited until the day of our plans to get in touch...only to make no mention of those plans? NO!

That's why a little extra dose of dating without drama was in order. I decided that rather than ask him again about whether we were going out tonight, I would just respond nicely and let it go at that. If he really wants to see me, then he'll figure out a way to make it happen without it feeling like I need to pull teeth. And I figure by instead focusing on making my life busy and full without him, one of two things will happen:

1. He'll realize he must do the work to get my attention and do whatever it takes to make and keep plans with me; or
2. He'll decide he'd rather have a girl falling all over him so he can be the one to call the shots.

Either way, I win.

In the first scenario, he'll be more attentive, proactive and likely to keep his word. In the second, I'll be free to move on to the guy who fits into scenario one.

As with parenting, though, it isn't fun laying down the law, and I'm feeling a bit drained this evening. It's disappointing to like someone only to have him behave poorly.

However, by putting the greater good first--aka my need for a lasting partnership--I know I'll eventually find a guy who's already done the work to become a reliable, loving man.

And we can both be glad that the days of bad behavior are long, long gone.