Getting the Date - at the Bar!!

I’ve only done 2 posts, this one being number 3, and something unexpected has started happening.  I’m no dating expert nor claim to be, but I am realizing that all this self-reflection is giving me better perspective on what I do.  And what I do horribly wrong!

But enough about me.  I want to keep talking about GETTING that date.  I started with online dating because it’s the ‘new’ thing, but there’s one avenue that has yet to go out of style.  One place where it’s acceptable to ask for a date or at least ask for a woman’s phone number.  One place where no matter where you are in the world, the cat and mouse game is played there every single night.

I’m talking about the bar.  (Writer’s Sidebar:  I’m lumping ‘clubs’ into this bar discussion without distinction, although I don’t like clubs and avoid them at all costs.   If you’re a guy trying to get into a club and you’re not either a millionaire, a celebrity or surrounded by women, you’re going to be outside for a while in that line.  And that’s super lame.  /End Sidebar)

I’m very curious as to how “the bar” became this home of the dating starting line.  Maybe it’s the alcohol?  Maybe the music?  Maybe the social aspect of it all?  Regardless, unlike the grocery store line, work meeting or stop light, a guy can ask a woman out and not be looked at as creepy or weird.

Wait, I guess if you were creepy and weird all the time, you’d be creepy and weird at the bar asking a woman out.  But you get what I’m saying.

I do find it ironic that the place to talk and meet a possible romantic partner is an extremely loud environment.  I sometimes can barely hear myself talk, let alone hear the young lady I’m talking to.  Lots of “whats?” I’m sure is high on the attractive meter.

But the bulk of this post is examining a generality.  I generally (ha) hate generalities, but this one is pretty accurate.  There are 2 types of guys that go to a bar:  Guy 1 is looking to hit on girls.  Guy 2 is looking to get a drink.

Sounds simple, yes?  But no!  When it comes to Getting a Date at the bar, Guy1 and Guy2 have two VERY different outlooks.

Guy1 will be going up to as many women as he can, taking a bit of the Boomhauer approach to the streets (see my previous post for the Boomhauer explanation).  Guy1 will probably have some cheesy line, possibly an offensive line, possibly be rude and crude, but have really nice teeth and a shirt unbuttoned a few extra notches.  Guy1 at least looks like he’s got everything together and finds it funny when he’s rejected, as he knows his search won’t be in vain.  Guy1 is super-confident, bordering on cocky.  Guy1's are also the ones starting most of the fights.

Guy2 may be married or in a relationship and really not looking to meet single women.  But Guy2 may also be a single guy who went out to hang with friends.  It’s this guy that generally doesn’t like what Guy1 has done to his gender.  In fact, Guy2 typically gets blamed for the stuff Guy1 pulls that makes women mad - cheating, disrespect, negligence.  See, Guy2 isn’t necessarily afraid to talk to women or even lack self-confidence, although some do.  No, Guy2 is really just hanging out and if there’s a girl that seems interesting, he might pursue her.  Otherwise, it’s just some drinks, some laughs and a safe trip home.

A few things happen here.  Guy1 and 2 are often seen as the same guy.  Which sucks for Guy2, as he’s actually genuinely interested in learning more about a woman, but if said woman is jaded by Guy1 antics, she’ll write off our Guy2 before he can reveal his quirky & interesting self!

Plus, let’s be honest ladies, Guy1 appears to be more successful.  He has one night stands, sure, but he also easily finds longer-term girlfriends on his nights out pursuing.  He typically dates great women and knows he’s doing something right. 

Which is why the Pick-Up Artists were born.  Style, Mystery, all that stuff from “The Game” and that show on VH-1 was created because Guy2's were sick of being called weak or losers or just being alone on a Friday night.  This Pick-Up Artist mentality came from the desire for Guy2 to have Guy1 successes in dating.

I don’t know what you ladies know about Pick-Up Artists and their techniques, but to be quite honest, I find the majority of them creepy and manipulative.  Almost hypnotic.

But a strange thing happens, to the some of the guys at least.  I saw it on that VH-1 show most vividly, although I trust it’s also happened out there in the real world.  Guy1's end up becoming Guy1.5.  The example I’m thinking of is the winner from the first season of Mystery’s show on VH-1.  I saw a transformation of confidence.  This guy, who had been so frustrated by the Alpha males of the world, learned to be confident in who he was.  Sure, the show makes the guys over physically, fashionably and socially, but I truly believe that after the cameras were off and he went back to living his life, he took away the most important lesson and let the B.S. fall away.  That lesson was to just be yourself and say hi!

Which is maybe what us Guy2's can learn to do, right?  You ladies would like to talk to us occasionally while you wait for your drinks!

The worst a girl can do is say “no thanks” - and we still have our beer!

PS - I should note that Guy2 is also usually that guy that gets set-up -- which is my next post!  Stay tuned!