Thinking back to when I had my first boyfriend...I was 21 and met this guy through mutual friends. I took quite a liking to him and couldn't believe it when word got round that he liked me too!!!! My gosh, i was amazed. Previous to this I'd had one guy I grew up with profess his love for me when I was about 20 - he'd loved me since we were 14! Unfortunately, I didn't fancy him at all.

Anyway, back to the other guy. I was very insecure and as the months went by and I was shown little affection and attention. Our dates were ALWAYS going to the movies with his best friend (at least the vast majority of the dates - we did go out and socialise). He was always to tired to talk to me on the phone mid-week. I pretty much ditched my friends to always be available for him and grew more and more unhappy. You would think that I would have said - forget this! It's a joke! but I didn't think anyone would ever like me and he was my first and last chance at a relationship. And when it came down to it I loved him.

From the outside there was a lot of expectations from friends (both older and younger) that we would get married (we were together almost 2 years all up). I guess because I closed myself off my friends didn't really see that I was unhappy or, if they did, were to polite to say something. I felt like I had no power and no choice.

He proposed to me after about 15 months. I'd already picked the ring and we'd had it sized. He brought it over to my flat one evening, he interrupted me doing the dishes, took me to my bedroom, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. Yes, that is literally how it went. I was embarrassed because I hadn't cleaned my room!! I felt a bit awkward because my older, single flatmate was also in the house and I was a trifle disappointed at the lack of effort he'd put in to the proposal. I was happy but it really didn't feel right. This was the story I'd be telling our kids of how dad proposed.....hmmmm.

He broke it off 5 months later and it took me a good 2 years to get over it.

Throughout the relationship I can remember feeling constantly disappointed. He'd often promise to call or visit and never would. He'd txt and apologise but he was too tired! I got sick of him not following through. It's hard to respect a man who doesn't do what he says he'll do. I remember feeling neglected because we seemed to have this 'hands off' policy. I remember feeling very undesirable to say the very least. And I also remember thinking that what i thought were reasonable relationship expectations were unreasonable and began putting up with everything that was making me unhappy.

Of course this doesn't mean that I am without fault! A few years after the break up I began to see 'the light'! THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT!

Anyway if I could have had one wish granted (in retrospect) it would have been that someone had said something to me early on. I guess I may not have listened but it would have been nice. It's scary when you are about to marry the completely wrong man and NO ONE says a word except for 'when is the wedding?'.

Well, it's all ancient history now and I'm so glad it didn't work out. He really did do me a big favour and I can thank him for it. Now I am free and in a much better space to marry the REAL man of my dreams.

What I learned from the whole experience:
+ I needed to let a guy get to know me better (his advice to me)
+ I need to listen to my gut feeling when I am unhappy about something
+ Break ups are painful but a bad marriage is worse
+ If you see a friend in a bad relationship - talk some sense into her. Even if it falls on deaf ears, you never know how it could help.
+ It certainly pays to have your self-esteem and confidence in check before dating

Obviously there is a lot more to this story but I didn't want to write a novel of epic proportions :)

Ha! and i just realised that i posted this as a 'comment'!! duh!!

Those are very valuable lessons...thanks.