Thereâ€™s a myth out there that men wonâ€™t commitâ€”they wonâ€™t commit to a relationship and they wonâ€™t commit to marriage. Sure, some men hide behind that myth when they are looking for a reason to avoid committing to a particular woman. But most men are quite willing to commit to the right woman.
How do I know this? Because I am a man, and I just made the biggest relationship commitment of all. I just got married.
Why did I decide to commit to one woman? Why did I choose to stand before my family and friends, and openly and freely declare to honor and cherish this woman for the rest of my life? Well, first and foremost, I fell in love with her, and she fell in love with me. We are deeply, madly and passionately in love with each other.
Yes, it sounds like a Hallmark card. But I believe that love is the most powerful force in the universe, and when two people come together in love, anything is possible. But that love has to be mutual. If both partners are not in love, then the relationship is out of balance. And thatâ€™s not a good place on which to build a commitment.
If you have ever fallen in love, then you know that this first rush of feelings is purely emotional. Your heart decides who to fall in love with, not your head. There is a chemistry about falling in love that is out of our control. But an important part of my decision to commitâ€” and to commit to marriageâ€” was that the emotional feeling of love also made rational sense.
Like it or not, a large portion of a manâ€™s decision-making process is left-brain dominated and purely rational. Men think about things a lot, and when I thought about committing to the new love of my life, it made perfect rational sense. My head agreed with my heart. My entire beingâ€”the thinking part of me and the feeling part of meâ€”was absolutely sure that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my new love.
From personal experience, I knew that sex is better in a committed, monogamous relationship. A woman in such a relationship is able to feel secure enough to open fully to the delights of physical passion. A woman who can relax and embrace the physical part of love reaches levels of physical and emotional pleasure that are a joy to behold. And ladies, do not ever forget that the man in your life loves to make you happy.
Also from personal experience, I knew that having a partner to help share the load makes life easier and more enjoyable. It might sound silly, but one of the things I missed the most when I was single was not having someone who would willingly give me a ride home from the doctorâ€™s office or the auto repair shop when I needed one. I missed having somebody to spontaneously go out for coffee with or help with weekly shopping and errands. I missed having somebody who was there for meâ€”for the big things and the little things. I missed being part of a couple.
Itâ€™s in this rational part of a manâ€™s mind that a woman can help convince the man that she loves that a commitment is the right decision. Tell him that you feel more comfortable in a committed relationship. Tell him that you are better able to fully embrace him sexually if you can fully trust him. Show him that your partnership makes his life better. Demonstrate– with your love, with your willingness to share the load and your ability to multiply the joy in his life– that you are worthy of a commitment. Show him that you are a worthy life partner, one who brings her own strengths and assets to the relationship. Tell him, gently and repeatedly (if necessary), that a commitment is important to you. And show him how much you love and appreciate him.
My girlfriend did such a good job of all of this that I married her.
I realize the topic of commitment is HUGE, and there is much more to be said. In my next post, I will share more of my personal story about why I close to commit to one woman in marriage, and I will give you some insight into what happens inside a manâ€™s head when he is trying to decide to commit or not.
In the meantime, check out my blogÂ to explore findings from a study called â€śWhy Men Wonâ€™t Commit: Exploring Young Menâ€™s Attitudes About Sex, Dating and Marriage.â€ť